Married to a BPD wife, deployed, newborn son, I am getting home soon…
Good afternoon guys, I am grasping at straws to figure out how to get through my relationship with my wife. She got pregnant because we had an existential fight before I deployed and if I wore the condom “I did not love her”. She has a daughter whom I love dearly and am called Dada from her. We met shortly before the deployment and she took me in, my belongings, and we rapidly got serious before most of the problems arose. When we first started dating I went to an annual training before the deployment and she saw pictures of my ex wife on instagram and that triggered extreme jealousy and anger towards me as if I still loved my ex wife. She slept with someone, got pregnant and had a miscarriage. I accepted her apology for the event and me texting my ex-wife after a major flood in my home town became me reaching out to see if we’d get back together and fully equal to her physical cheating. Fast forward and I am a cheater for watching porn. I agree that it’s a vice but it’s still not cheating. Fast forward throughout deployment she calls me a piece of shit, I vented to another female about my problems and made no sexual advances and I was considered a cheater. Probably wasn’t the best outlet but I wanted to know that I am not crazy and that these demands were crazy. I now can have no contact with this female or any other female without triggering extreme responses, isolating myself. I would never cheat, I cheated in my prior marriage and was absolutely destroyed by the guilt and nastiness of it. Funny thing, when I express that to my now wife she accuses me of still loving my ex because I feel guilty… Meanwhile I am facing real threats to my life. I do not know what to do when I get home. Do I try and get custody of my son and run, do I try and make it work? I don’t know. I cannot walk around or be remotely near a woman without her triggered. Or on great days a suggested YouTube video could set her off and we go line by line on everything I fucked up on and she loves to add facts to how I said something in two different contexts into one like “I called her fat… she was pregnant and post partum and I was trying to explain my attraction and that it wasn’t sexual while she was carrying our son. I just thought of the gift of the baby not pervy desire which was a problem to her. Please help!