u/DetailAdorable2217

Being OAD is looking to be better and better each day.

I took the past 2 days off for personal days and I spent the first one with my daughter. We were in our backyard, we painted together, she was in and out of her play house, the weather was nice and it was so peaceful, just me and her. Although of course I still had to deal with her terrible two tantrums and defiance, I still appreciated that we could spend that time together one on one and we could grow our bond. I feel complete and it felt special just sharing that with her and no one else.

Now the second day, she was super cranky and now she’s getting into a phase where she add’s a scream to top off her cry lol. So, I decide to take her to daycare and because she does thrive on routine and she does usually go to daycare 4/5 days a week. I loved the time I had with her yesterday but I couldn’t wait to have a day all to myself and not having to tend to someone all day. I can lay just completely still if I wanted to and watch my favorite show or do anything completely unbothered.

I would talk to other women at my job who have around 2-4 kids and one of them was telling me how she has no time for herself anymore as they get older their sports run so late that sometimes she doesn’t get home until 10:30pm and she has to figure out what to feed everybody and everything that us mother’s know we have on our plate and that just seems so stressful to me. I couldn’t imagine not having any time to myself when it’s
so necessary for me to function.

That being said, I love that I have the time and energy to full give myself to my daughter and that I have time to fully pour into myself as well and that’s not something I think I would never give up.

Being OAD is looking to be better and better each day.

I took the past 2 days off for personal days and I spent the first one with my daughter. We were in our backyard, we painted together, she was in and out of her play house, the weather was nice and it was so peaceful, just me and her. Although of course I still had to deal with her terrible two tantrums and defiance, I still appreciated that we could spend that time together one on one and we could grow our bond. I feel complete and it felt special just sharing that with her and no one else.

Now the second day, she was super cranky and now she’s getting into a phase where she add’s a scream to top off her cry lol. So, I decide to take her to daycare and because she does thrive on routine and she does usually go to daycare 4/5 days a week. I loved the time I had with her yesterday but I couldn’t wait to have a day all to myself and not having to tend to someone all day. I can lay just completely still if I wanted to and watch my favorite show or do anything completely unbothered.

I would talk to other women at my job who have around 2-4 kids and one of them was telling me how she has no time for herself anymore as they get older their sports run so late that sometimes she doesn’t get home until 10:30pm and she has to figure out what to feed everybody and everything that us mother’s know we have on our plate and that just seems so stressful to me. I couldn’t imagine not having any time to myself when it’s
so necessary for me to function.

That being said, I love that I have the time and energy to full give myself to my daughter and that I have time to fully pour into myself as well and that’s not something I think I would never give up.

I 28(F) had my daughter at 26 and it was the most amazing experience I have ever went through but I don’t think I would ever want to do it again.

I had a fairly easy pregnancy, regular morning sickness in the beginning and everything was fine up until my last couple of months. my blood pressure was slightly higher and i had a scheduled labor induction I think 2 weeks before her due date because my doctor was worried about pre eclampsia. I was nervous because of all the horror stories I saw online about “inductions gone wrong”. However, my labor and delivery was extremely easy, I pushed her out in 30 minutes, minimal tearing, no C section. Which I was worried the most about because majority of induction stories I saw online ended in C sections. So because I almost had pre eclampsia the first time, I’m terrified I will have it if I get pregnant a 2nd time.

Fast forward to postpartum, omg I was a COMPLETELY different person. I feel like people can explain the severity of it but you never really understand it until you go through it yourself. Especially the residual bleeding for days and not being able to poop for like weeks. Plus the weight gain, I started off my pregnancy at 160lbs and ended at 220lbs. I was humongous, and I already struggled with hormonal acne so my acne got uncontrollable and way worse than it was before. I felt the lowest I ever felt in my life. My daughter wasn’t latching at first and when she did, apparently I was not making enough milk because she had these orange crystal like things in her diaper. We took her to her doctor for them to tell me she was dehydrated so that really took a toll on me because I had planned to breast feed. I had to end up switching to formula because it was really too much for my mental and I must add my husband was there 100% supportive through and through and I still felt all alone.

My daughter has always been a great sleeper, but no one talks about the constant bottle washing, buying diapers, wipes, formula (stress about formula shortages) and especially for the mom’s, the back and forth of having a career and being a new mom. I stayed at home for 6 months and I absolutely hated it. I was going insane, and all the while the baby weight was falling off I could clearly tell that I wasn’t leaving the pregnancy with the same stomach I started with. It just was not a good time and I was severely insecure.

Now my daughter is two, she is in a daycare she loves. It’s right across the street from my house. My husband has a great job, we are living comfortably. I’m going back to school for my master’s degree, majority of the baby weight fell off and I finally feel like myself again. We don’t have much help as we only have one set of grandparents here (my family lives in another state) and the grandparents who are here aren’t much help lol. But we do get the occasional date night when they are available or sometimes like on a Thursday or Friday we drop her off at daycare and go have fun. Life is just too good right now with us three, there is finally balance and I know a 2nd would tank that because my husband works long hours, no village for real and I know if we have a 2nd all that responsibility will fall on the default parent, aka me. I honestly do not want to sign my life away like that. Call it selfish or not but I can 100% give all of my self to my daughter and I am not the most patient person lol. Plus I am a teacher and I see the benefit of a child getting that one on one time at home and whether you send your kid to private or public school, it’s still expensive.

I have friends who have 2 kids and no village who are running around like a chicken with their head cut off running from one extracurricular to another. Having to choose between one child’s event over another because there is just not enough of mom to go around. Plus everything is SO expensive these days and this world is unpredictable especially right now. With one kid I know we can set her up for success. I grew up with a single mom. I was the oldest of 3 and we struggled. That won’t be the story for my daughter and that’s what keeps me content with my decision. She can get that car at 16, she can get whatever apartment she wants, we can pay for her college tuition, we can afford whatever extracurricular she wants to do. Having a 2nd would definitely put a damper on that and the more I think about it, that’s not something I want to do to her. Nor do I want to “work harder” to pay for 2 kids. I’ve always told my husband that I want to opt for life on “easy mode”. Now that doesn’t mean sitting around and being lazy but why make our lives harder when we don’t have to? We want to travel more, keep our relationship alive and enrich our child’s life so why mess that up. Plus, my husband has twin brothers. His dad is a twin and he has twin aunts so his grandmother had 2 sets of twins so there is a possibility I could go from 1 to 3 and THAT is scary.

So, I just started birth control again and I’ve been reading the posts in this sub reddit and I agree 100% what everyone is saying. Do not let outside societal pressures make you believe you need to have that second child. Have i thought about giving my child a sibling? Of course I have and maybe somewhere down the line I may change my mind but right now I am more than content with being one and done.