[QCRIT] Those Who Carry My Bones, adult fantasy, 97k, V1
Hey all, long time lurker, second (?) time poster. I'm staring down the barrel of my third serious go-round in the trenches, and while my writing has improved so much, the industry has gotten tougher on pretty much a one-to-one ratio. I've already workshopped this with a handful of trusted CPs, but I'm now in the Panic part of the process where I must Do Something. So, in the interest of giving myself the best possible chance of success and giving myself a reason for all the anxiety I'm already feeling, I've decided letting internet strangers rip apart my query letter is the solution. Do your worst.
Dear [agent,]
Plagued by the memories of the dead god whose bones her country is built on, a woman faces the impending collapse of the god's skeleton after mining it for magic. Once the religious cult who ordered the mining finds her, she allies with the man whose life she ruined to survive their retribution, stop the collapse, and make amends for her past mistakes.
Complete at 97,000 words, Those Who Carry My Bones is an adult fantasy novel blending the transportative worldbuilding of RJ Barker’s Forsaken trilogy, the ethereal, female-led romance of Alix Harrow’s The Everlasting, and the gothic atmosphere of T Kingfisher’s Nettle and Bone. From your MSWL, I think you will love [personalization.]
Nineteen years ago, Meygan abruptly abandoned her leadership position as the head of a religious cult and vanished overnight. The order of the Dren absorb every magic-user their country produces, using them to harvest power from the bones of the dead god that also serve as the skeleton of their country. Their greed explodes when they discover Meygan is the first person able to handle the bone itself, not just the magic, and order her to mine the bone. Sensing that the skeleton will collapse if she goes through with their plan, Meygan abandons everything and runs, believing if she moves her power beyond the grasp of the Dren, it will halt their ambitions. She did not know the god chose another in her stead, until he stumbles across her hidden refuge in the mountains.
Brym has lived his entire life in the temple belonging to the Dren under the thumb of his paranoid sister, who assumed the empty leadership role Meygan left behind. He has no idea the danger he is in when he displays the ability to manipulate the god’s bones as a child. Now an adult, he has spent most of his life suffering the fallout of his sister’s thirst for the power and prestige Meygan so eagerly threw away. With his magic bound as punishment for past defiance, Brym escapes and stumbles upon Meygan’s home, where their fugitive status easily allies them. As they work to undo Brym’s curse, memories from the god that they alone can share spur the initial sparks of their meeting into a fire.
But the Dren will not allow another bone-mage to slip away so easily. The skull of the god collapses under the Dren’s persistent mining, and Meygan realizes her flight worsened the very problem she sought to solve. She can still stop the collapse of the entire skeleton, but that requires disclosing the truth to Brym: she can manipulate the bones as well, and if she had stayed, he would not have lost his magic. He has quickly become her world, but will she let the world sink into the earth to keep him?
[Bio/sign-off]
A note on the genre for anyone who has spare brain cells: this is, strictly speaking, a fantasy with a strong romance subplot because you can't have too much marketability these days. If anyone has thoughts about leaning into that angle versus leaning away, I'm open to that, too.