I’m growing into a bigger role at a remote company, but I can’t tell if my manager dislikes me or if I’m overthinking the dynamic
I work remotely for a small company that is not very corporate in the traditional sense. It’s flexible, community-based, and the work culture is more personal than a normal office job. I’ve been there for around a year and a half, and overall I genuinely like the company, the mission, and the people.
When I first started, I was more in an assistant/support role. Over time, I started taking on more operations, coordination, team follow-up, and management-related tasks. Recently, there has been a shift where the CEO, let’s call him Adam (37), has started mentoring me more directly and guiding me into a bigger operations/leadership role. FYI im f/30.
The COO/manager, let’s call her Sarah (37), used to be more involved in guiding me. But now the company is shifting things around, and Adam is more directly teaching me how to lead/manage the team, while Sarah is focusing more on another area of the business.
The part I’m struggling with is the dynamic with Sarah.
Recently, there was a stressful week and something wasn’t done. Sarah posted in the group asking why it wasn’t done. I felt pressured and overwhelmed, so instead of replying in the group, I messaged her privately and explained that I’ve been under a lot of pressure and that everything was feeling like too much for me.
The next day, she called me and basically said that she didn’t want to get too involved in the emotional side of it. She said she cares about the logical side and execution, and that if I need help navigating the emotional part of work, I can speak to Adam about it. Her point was essentially: she needs the work done.
I understand that work is work, and I understand that managers sometimes have to be direct. But the way it landed honestly made me feel horrible. It felt like she kept saying she understood, but in reality, she didn’t really understand the position I’m in. I barely have the kind of support around me that she has while I’m trying to adjust to life, grow, and step into a much bigger role. I’ve been overwhelmed with life in general, and on top of that I’m taking on this new managerial/operations role while still handling three or more other roles inside the company. So yes, I got upset, but I still nodded, accepted what she said, and moved on. Adam had already told me earlier that he would help me handle the internal pressure because he sees me, and he understands that I don’t really have much external support around me while I’m navigating this transition into a more managerial position.
Another layer is that Adam and Sarah are married. So the dynamic can feel confusing. Adam is very supportive, more of a coach/mindset type of leader, and he helps me process big transitions and understand the bigger picture. Sarah is more direct, practical, and execution-focused. Sometimes I feel like Adam sees my potential and wants to develop me, while Sarah is more distant or less open to me.
There is also a social side that confuses me. Because the company is community-based, Adam sometimes talks about wanting us to do more things together in real life, like dinners, team gatherings, or working together outside the normal remote setup. But when it comes to actually executing those things, it often doesn’t happen. Sometimes it feels like the hesitation or rejection comes more from Sarah. When I try to make real-life plans with her or get closer as a team, she usually has a reason not to do it.
I don’t know if I’m reading too much into it. Maybe she is just busy, private, practical, and not emotionally/socially available in that way. Maybe because she and Adam are married, she prefers keeping boundaries with employees. Or maybe she feels uncomfortable with me getting closer to Adam professionally because he is mentoring me directly now.
I don’t want to assume the worst, but I also don’t want to ignore the energy I’m picking up on. I’m trying to learn how to grow professionally without over-personalizing everything.
FYI, my salary has stayed the same throughout this entire thing, but im promised a raise end of year obviously if i do well within this new position, but im not sure anymore about anything.