AIO for letting this influence my relationship with my mother
For context: I would say my mother and I have a close relationship. We talk on the phone at least once a week, though we live across the nation from each other.
My husband and I flew to our hometown for his best friend’s wedding, for which he is the best man. We also have a toddler and a 3 month old. My mother was extremely kind to open her house to us and even went as far as getting us essential baby/toy things.
Prior to our trip, she offered to watch our kids for a few hours on the nights of the rehearsal dinner/wedding so that we could attend child-free. We quickly took her up on this offer because we have not had a night to ourselves since the birth of our new baby.
Now, I had a feeling in advance that my son was going to pose a challenge. He is exclusively breast fed (besides a bottle he took once or twice as a newborn) and is very attached to me. He does not tolerate being held by anyone else for very long. I let my mom know this well in advance and expressed concern for how the nights may go. She stood firm on her offer and stated “whatever happens will happen and we will just deal with it!” We went over some soothing techniques she could use to calm him if he gets upset (rocking, carrying him in his carrier, pacifier, burping, etc) and I planned on pumping so that she could try to give him a bottle both nights.
Fast forward to the rehearsal dinner. I texted her a couple of hours in to check in and she responded, an hour after my text, “when is it over?”. Figuring that was not a good sign, I immediately called her. I asked again how it was going and she said “do you want the truth or a lie?” I asked for the truth and she said “yeah he has been crying all night.” She stated none of the techniques were working and he has been crying for 2 hours straight. It took me some time to process this information so I went quiet and she then asked again when it is over. I told her I wasn’t sure but I was thinking another hour or hour and a half. She then said with a harsh tone “well do you want him to cry for the next 2 hours? Because that is the reality of the situation.” I got quiet again (primarily because that was very upsetting to me) and then we just ended the conversation at that. I left the rehearsal dinner within 10 minutes of that conversation and went to my mom’s. My baby was asleep by this point (thankfully) but I was still upset by my mom’s comment so I decided to take a shower to calm down. I then went down to her and told her it was not fair for her to be rude to me and ask me such a ridiculous question. She got extremely defensive and said “you have NEVER had him cry at you for 3 hours” and continued to go into detail about how bad the night was. I told her I know what it is like to have him cry at you and that it is extremely frustrating, but that it is not fair for her to take it out on me. I did not feel as though she ever admitted that she was being harsh towards me after that argument, but we both just let it go after talking some more. I told her I did not want to go to the wedding anymore but she said “that is ridiculous, you are going to the wedding.” We talked about bringing my baby with us to the wedding but ultimately decided it was not a good idea. She then stated she is willing to watch him again the night of the wedding. To make things worse, she was inviting another couple over to watch a football game that night. I told her I hated that I felt like my son could ruin all of their nights, but she said that the couple also has grandkids so they are familiar with being around kids. So I stupidly let it happen.
Last night was the wedding. Because the last conversation to check in with her went poorly, I did not reach out and figured she would reach out if any problem arose. I called her on the way to her house and she told me her friend had been holding my son for the last hour to get him to calm down. I got to her house and her friend (whom I had never met before) had my son on her hip and he was, once again, sleeping. My mom did not go into detail about how last night went. We had some conversations about what to do with my son since he was asleep on her friend and I felt as though, once again, she was being rude/harsh towards me. I did not want to deal with her again, so I just went upstairs to get undone.
I went back downstairs to get some water and overheard her and her fiancé talking about the situation. My mom said things like “no breastfeeding mother should ever leave her baby for that long”.
AIO for letting this impact our relationship? This whole situation has left me feeling confused, guilty, and like a horrible mother.