r/Moms

Would you be worried about starting up therapy with a therapist who’s pregnant? If yes, why? If no, why?
Thanks for all willing to share their insights!

Hello. I’m about to be a grandma (i am 54) but there’s a rather large concern about the baby, and I want to know how to best support my daughter.

It was noted a few months ago that the ventricular space is extreme. It’s 25, whereas normal is about 10. We already know the baby will need surgery after he’s born to get rid of some of that fluid.

What we don’t know is why this is happening, and we won’t know until he’s born.

Of course, dr. Google is terrifying. My daughter has a whole team of people to take care of her and baby. But I’m so scared. I know I need to be strong for my daughter, so I keep my tears to myself.

During the first 2 or 3 months he was great with our son, he always helped me out as much as he could and was always really supportive when he knew I was struggling. But for the last 2 months he's been helping me less and less. Everyday it's me that prepares all of his bottles, change all of his nappies, do all of the feeds and play with him and on top of all of that i'm the one that does all of our washing and keeping our flat clean.

We currently don't sleep together at night, so I'm in the bedroom with our 5 month old at night and my boyfriend stays up and then goes to bed around 5am when I get up ( this was his idea ). But during the night he'll do 1 feed and nappy change if baby wakes up and wants feeding but I feel like he doesn't always want to do that. But when he finally wakes up in the afternoon around 2, he'll give some attention to our baby and then go on his games ( this is what he does during the night when I'm sleeping) for a couple of hours and will occasionally watch our son if I'm busy.

I don't know if I'm overeating because he does all the cooking and has always been a good boyfriend and I know he loves us but it's becoming too much for me and I feel like I'm going to burn out soon if nothing changes.

I gave unsolicited advice I’m the a hole

So I did the ultimate party fail… I gave unsolicited parenting advice… I know I should have kept my mouth shut and I feel bad but I snapped…

My SIL who I consider one of my closest friends is a single(dad is in the house but basically does nothing) mom to 4 kids… 19,13,11,9

She does EVERYTHING for them and I mean everything. She puts the 9 years old shoes on for him, she opens their snacks, she runs their shower water…. And you might be thinking so what? Well

The 19 years old has never driven and never had a job and literally never leaves the house, can’t cook, can’t clean. The 11 y/o recently asked me to open a banana because she didn’t know how. They are all like that none of them have any problem solving skills and can’t do basic tasks because she does it all for them. They can’t order food at a restaurant, if they ask where the trash can is and it’s not exactly where you pointed they would just stand there starting at the space unsure of what to do next…

So after watching all of this for years mind you I’ve known her for almost 20 years I’ve seen these kids grow up. I finally said she isn’t doing them any favors and that she needs to let them do things for themselves or she is going to have more like her oldest that are unable to do anything.

I shouldn’t have said it I know but I’m not wrong. And I just feel like an asshole when I was trying to advocate for them. She cried saying it’s not my place and blamed it on having a bad upbringing but I don’t see the correlation in doing everything for her kids and I said you need to teach them to take care of themselves and she said that’s too much work and effort and they will figure it out one day.

Edit.. the oldest are girls and the 9 y/o is a boy and he still sleeps with her and a few years ago I handed him a clear glass of water and he looked at it and asked me if it was coke. This isn’t to judge him or make fun but to just to show how stunted they are. They were all held back in kindergarten(which is common) aside from the youngest and are all in normal classes and haven’t been diagnosed with anything learning disabilities or on the spectrum or anything like that. The oldest dropped out of high school but did eventually get her ged.

I 29f am the first mom of my group of friends and I feel like I’ve become an alien. individually everyone is super sweet and supportive and a few of them have talked about TTC in the next year or so maybe things will be different when they start having kids. They still include me in things and they’ve all been great honestly it’s nothing they’ve done but I feel like I’m watching them all from the opposite side of a window it’s not like theres anything I would ask them to do differently but it feels like I’ve aged 10 years in the 6 months since my son was born. has anyone else felt this way?

I am the wife of a husband with Stage 3 Rectal Cancer, the mother of a 25 year old son struggling with mental health, the step mother of 3 teenagers with whom my relationship with has always been strained,and the daughter/ daughter in law to 4 parents all turning or about to turn 80 this year. Most of the time I feel like I’m losing my mind, but manage to keep it together on the surface. I know that many people have it way worse than I do, and I feel guilty a lot of the time because I have a decent job, a decent house, a good family and can’t seem to pull myself out of the constant stress I feel stemming from the need to always “make the magic happen” for everyone in my life. Is it wrong that I should feel so… I’m not even sure what the emotion is…when I do everything I can to make sure my family is well taken care of, but I can’t feel anything but exhausted and yes..sometimes resentment that I can’t take such good care of myself?

For context, I no longer pump, but I’m a boss with an employee who does and I want better for her.

When I had my baby, my job (specifically the female HR administrator that deals with all things baby leave/etc) basically told me to try and book the conference room if I needed to pump. Well, many people have keys to the conf room, and it’s always booked for meetings, so I wasn’t comfortable using it.

I only have an open cubicle, so I tried to advocate for myself and they erected a small cubical inside of a closet on the floor below my office area. It had a fridge, a chair, and a small side table. Problem was that though the cubical had a door, it wasn’t ceiling height, so people kept peeking into it wondering why there was a cubicle in the lab coat closet, which had a ton of traffic. I searched some laws, and found that areas provided to pump had to be a certain height, brought that back to the company, and they had to bring it to the ceiling.

Now, I don’t want to sound unappreciative, but having to come there every 2-3 hours (the time my baby was feeding at the time) and pump, plus cleaning the parts, plus the travel time, and lugging all my stuff back and forth. (There was no sink so I’d also have to go to the cafeteria if I wanted to wash anything, but tried to just use wipes.) Well, you can imagine it took so much time from my work day, and the constant disruptions impacted my work.

It wasn’t long before I just stopped going to the room bc it was so far. I ended up (when my boss was in meetings or not in office) used her office to pump which at the time was near my desk, or pump in my car. Eventually, I started pumping less bc of the disruption it made to my work which lowered my supply and I had to combo feed. It sucked, but I was the only one pumping, they technically were adhering to the laws, so I just let it go.

My boss ended up moving her office downstairs next to this pumping room, and then after having her 2nd baby, attempted to use it, but found the same issues I did, even though the room was on the opposite wall of her office. She eventually just pumped in her office and kept the door locked when doing so, and that worked for her.

Welp, my employee just came back to work, and facilities gave her access to the “pump room” (really just a closet in a closet) upon request. Luckily, they’ve moved the lab coats so there’s not as much traffic, but had similar issues I did. So she started pumping at her desk (with the ones that go in your bra) by like day 3 back at work. She told me about it, and I asked her if there was anything I could do, maybe I could talk to HR/Facilities if she could use an office upstairs, or if they could just close off her cubical. She agreed to the closing off her cube, and so I asked if that would be possible. Welp, HR told her it doesn’t meet the requirements, so she’s not allowed to pump AT ALL at her desk, or in any office even if it’s not in use, and she HAS to use the “pump room”. She was so upset, and I feel like I made things worse, bc now she can’t even use her (in bra) pump at her desk.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried to go back to HR and they just say it “doesn’t meet the requirements”. (Assuming they mean fridge access and height of space.)

I’ve felt so terrible about this. I offered to my employee (who was already working hybrid schedule) to just work from home entirely if she wanted, whatever she needed to support her and her baby. I also, out of my own pocket, went and bought a portable bottle/pump part dishwasher/sterilizer/dryer and a separate drying rack since there’s no sink access in that room. I also got a bunch of other things to make it better/more comfortable: ice packs, breast milk bags, labels, storage containers, pump/bottle wipes, a rolling cart/desk and attachment for cup/bottle holder, pump chargers for two different pumps. I figured if anyone else has a baby, they could use all this stuff too.

Since I know she uses a spectra, I’m going to bring in mine (I can go online and get some replacement parts for her) and just leave that one in the pump room. This way she never has to worry about lugging hers back and forth to work. And again, if anyone else has a baby and ends up pumping and needs to use it, they could just plug in their own parts.

I just feel bad for making the situation worse. And I know other people have it worse, and it wasn’t a terrible situation, but I just didn’t want her to end up how I did. I just need a sanity check. Was the request unreasonable? Should I be more thankful of the space provided? Did I mess everything up for my employee?

Edit: I forgot to also mention that the only other person that was pregnant recently before me, was in a different building. She was told the same thing about using a conf room, but the only conf room in her building had one wall of window, barely covering by some flimsy blinds, so she ended up just pumping in her car. And within a short period, stopped pumping all together for the same reasons regarding it being a disruption to have to constantly go to her car.

Me and my boyfriend (23f) & (24m) just found out that I’m about six weeks pregnant. We live with his parents together in a renovated basement apartment, and I have a good job with amazing insurance, they take care of everything and I’ll get three months paid leave when the baby arrives.

Everyone is really excited- but the problem is that we (the potential parents) are freaked the fuck out. We wanted a family but my partner is still in grad school with two years to go (a year and three months when the baby comes) and we just got on our feet financially. Everyone around me is insistent on baby’s being a blessing and how they come when they want to come, but our plan was to get married, travel, live on our own for a while, then settle down and have a baby or two. I have a good job and I make decent money- but our company is changing rapidly and I didn’t plan on staying much longer. If I have this baby I have to stay on for two more years as my partner will be in school. I wouldn’t be able to afford to leave even if I wanted to. I’d be the primary parent and breadwinner for the first year of that baby’s life and I don’t know if I can handle that kind of pressure.

I feel like we’re so young, we haven’t gotten to do all the things we want to do. We both go from being excited about the baby and fantasizing about being parents to not knowing if it’s the best idea to keep it given the circumstances. I wanted to be a SAHM for the first few years until we could put the kids in school. Then we come to the issue of being married- I’m not overly religious but I come from a family where me and my siblings all have different fathers, I’ve seen my mom go through boyfriends and heartache and I don’t want that for my children. So we want to get married before the baby is due in February. Which if we want some time to plan would be in October. My partners mom is so excited- she’s going crazy making plans for us, our wedding, the baby, our future. I love her but it’s too much.

My partner is super stressed about money and not being able to provide. Every time he leaves for work he comes back even more stressed out and his mother’s constant planning isn’t helping him. He feel like he’s not ready to be a dad but knows that nobody ever is. He had all of these plans for our upcoming vacation that we are no longer able to do because I’m pregnant and he’s grieving those lost experiences. He’s also sad because all the wedding planning feels like it’s happening around him and not with him.

All of this has been so difficult and the first trimester should be the easy part. I don’t know if I can have this baby- we go back and forth so much I honestly don’t know if it’s fair to the kid..I’m thinking about asking my ob to help me with “other options” but I don’t know. Will everything be fine? Should I just suck it up and lock in? I really need advice.

Maybe its the lingering postpartum/weaning hormones, but I need to get this out somewhere as I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to. Not sure if anyone will read this, but writing it should be cathartic within itself... If anyone does read this (apologize for the lengthiness), I'd truly appreciate any advice or wisdom from my fellow moms.

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Background: I have a 2.5 y/o energetic (as most are) toddler girl and a 3.5 month baby girl. I would've remained OAD due to a rough pregnancy + maternal burnout and overwhelm with just the one.. but "accidentally" found myself pregnant last July (and after much deliberation, decided to proceed with the pregnancy). The second pregnancy was just as awful (bedridden fatigue + months of nausea + a wild toddler (IYKYK)), but I'm so relieved I made it to the other side and I am so in love with my sweet baby. I was pretty scared of postpartum burnout again, but continuously reassured myself that things would be different this time around, since I would be working 3 days a week (finance job WFH). With my eldest, I left my full-time career to be a SAHM and quickly realized that it wasn't for me. I had planned to be a SAHM for several years before even getting pregnant and it certainly wasn't the way I had romanticized it to be. I couldn't ever mentally relax, literally had high cortisol all the time, newly acquired insomnia and eczema, dissociated away the first year of my daughter's life, the house was always a mess, and my husband even said we were living in chaos.

Anyways-- back to present day. I returned from my (3 mo.) maternity leave for 2 days and was then laid-off due to budget constraints after we lost two of our largest clients. I was really counting on those 3 days/week of work as my "time to relax" or be able to turn off the maternal hypervigilance. I have now been thrown back into full-time SAHM mode... this time with TWO young children (and a barking dog who just woke the baby up this morning). I didn't choose this and I'm really grieving the vision I had for this time. It sounds horrible and I feel guilty. I know I should be grateful for the extra time with my babies, but instead I'm just exhausted + full of dread. I feel like a terrible detached mother for thinking it. I hear myself getting short with my toddler and I sound so cranky. I feel so bad for her.

I will likely need to hire out some childcare just so I can job search, but it is unlikely I will even be able to find a part-time corporate (esp. wfh) job again. My husband is a very hands-on parent, but I try to end up using my "breaks" to catch-up on cleaning, or merely just shower. We don't have any family nearby also.

The Everyday-- I try to leave the house AMAP, because the days drag on forever otherwise (with a toddler in the house). However, half of outings end in regret and end up being more stressful coordinating the baby + toddler and the constant task switching between the two. The car rides (baby crying + toddler whining) are another trigger. I tried to sign-up for library story time, but it filled up immediately the last two times I tried and there weren't any spots left. I don't even know how to keep my toddler entertained.. she is asking "to do fun stuff" all day everyday and is extremely active and asks a million questions and wants my constant attention (understandably so). I count down the minutes until naptime/bedtime, but cry when the baby rejects them. My house is a disaster, no matter how hard I try. I also have ADHD, so that doesn't help the disorganization and low frustration tolerance/burnout.

I don't know how to fill my days, or how to even stick with a routine, or even how not to hate my life. I know these years are so precious too and my girls deserve so much better. I wish I had some answers and I hate the curveball of my layoff.

My daughter (23 months) had always been very attached to me (SAHM) and we thought she was going to really struggle when our second was born (10 weeks). She did much better than expected when it came to losing all my attention and having to share with the baby, but the past two weeks have been rough. She has been exponentially more attached to me clinging to my legs asking to be held and has a meltdown if my husband tries to help her (putting her in her high chair, in or out of the car, etc) she screams “no I want mommy”. I’m operating under the assumption this is a combination or delayed adjustment to the baby and the transition to two year old big emotions, but is there anything my husband and I can do to appease her without completely surrendering to her will? I want her to know we hear her and understand she wants her mom but I’m not always available and daddy is.

My period was so late and i take the test just to figure out im pregnant and im in a really strixt family i cabt imagine the worst thing could happened if they know im afraid im 21 yo and my boyfriend i love him but we cant get married because we still young with no money ans even abortion is illegal in my country

Hi everyone,

I’m in a bit of a difficult situation and could use some perspective.

I was due for a promotion this year. My manager and senior manager have repeatedly told me I’m a strong asset to the team and have even been the ones planting the idea of promotion in my mind over the past year. I currently handle a lot of critical responsibilities, and there’s significant dependency on my role.

Recently, the company announced that due to industry and financial pressures, promotions are being stalled across the board.

However, I’m also going on maternity leave mid-year. I had an honest conversation with my manager and senior manager to understand what this means for my promotion timeline.

During that discussion, senior management explicitly said: “We don’t promote new mothers.”

I was honestly shocked. It’s 2026, and this came from someone who himself became a father a couple of years ago.

I’m trying to figure out how to navigate this. I don’t want to burn bridges, but I also feel this was clearly inappropriate and possibly discriminatory.

I have been taking my four year old to swim lessons for about a year once a week . She has built rapport with her teacher and can almost swim but she struggles with doing it 100% on her own she can hold her breath and do strokes but she’s struggling to put them all together because she gets nervous.

My 18 month old son has been going for the past month and has had about 4 lessons. The problem is that it’s $250 per month per kid. My husband said that teaching the kids to swim is not difficult and we could do it on our own. I disagree. He shares the thought that swim is important, but doesn’t think the price is worth it.

Any advice?

hi moms. sorry long post just need to vent and maybe hear some positives.

my 5yr old son and 20month daughter are starting kindergarten and daycare this fall. and I’m a nervous wreck and could use some words of encouragement.

I work full time and have 2WFH days. my hubby and I plan to tag team so we can manage 9-3 school hours and 8-5 work. I’m so stressed for my son and guilty for sending my daughter to daycare so I have a work plan to try to minimize her having long days at daycare and not have my son in before/after care I worry it might be too much for him.

for reference my mom has been the best and watched my kids during the day. but she lives 30 min away and my work is an additional 25 min but to me it was worth the driving because of ease of mind. But with the weird school hours it doesn’t make sense to also add Drive time for my daughter.

realistically this new setup will be easier for me and my family but I feel so guilty and I know the first 2-3 months will be tough and they’ll be sick constantly. Plus my workload is so busy from now til December and I’m really just stressed, guilty, and scared.

share some positives about daycare and any tips i would appreciate it.

My baby was born full term at the 83rd percentile and was very slow to gain weight. Fast forward to now at 4 months old she has now “found her curve” (since she turned 2 months - she has been on her curve now for in total 2 months) but she is now at the 8th percentile and we are fortifying her feeds as recommended by her pediatrician. I’m terrified something is wrong however doctor is following “wait and see” approach since she is now on her curve and generally meeting milestones.

Curious if this could be “catch down growth”? Any parents been in a similar situation and saw the other side?

When I had my first baby, I was the kind of mother I had always hoped to be. Then my second son was born in February 2021. Around the same time, my husband was emotionally abusive, and my oldest, who was only 2 years old, began showing signs of autism. The stress became overwhelming, and a therapist started me on sertraline. I came off the medication in 2024.

Now my boys are 7 and 5. My oldest has autism and ADHD, and my youngest has ADHD and ODD. They are incredibly sensitive, but they can also be very oppositional. They refuse to go to school, fight constantly, scream, yell, break things, beg relentlessly, and sometimes tell me they hate me. The list goes on.

I miss the mom I used to be—the mom I wanted to be. I rarely smile anymore. I’m constantly anxious, overwhelmed, and agitated. I find myself yelling far more than I’d like, and I feel miserable. I love my boys more than anything, but parenting through these challenges has been the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced, and some days I barely recognize myself.

We have some good moments but I’m generally really bitchy and triggered. I go places and see kids with no conditions just sit in their chair. They aren’t wiggling around but just coloring- my kids are always pacing, thrashing on things, running around, slamming doors, jumping off furniture or standing on furniture.

I am really worried about my baby’s social development. She is 4 months old and hates to be held. This is not a new development, it is something I have noticed since she came out of the sleepy newborn stage. She will fuss and cry until you put her down. She is much more content it seems doing her own thing on the floor or in her crib. She also is terrible at making eye contact when you hold her. She will actively look away.

She smiles and laughs frequently and I think makes eye contact when you speak to her while she is in her crib and she is really into her physical milestones - maybe a bit advanced physically for her age. She makes a variety of sounds, however rarely in response to when she’s spoken to.

I am looking for stories from other parents who have experienced something similar with their children.

I’m buying the Dailee planner because it has everything I need. HOWEVER, it’s too huge to carry when needed to. Anyone use two planners because of this? Or this and a digital version? I used to take pictures if I had to run out the door but I don’t like that. I like to check things off. Also I’m a mom so the most efficient way is best for me. Should I just write it twice?? I love paper and pen so I can’t go fully digital.

Moms, I’m curious — what age or stage of your child’s life did you find the most challenging?

Was it the newborn stage with the sleepless nights, the toddler years with tantrums and constant attention, the preschool stage, or even the teenage years?

What made that stage difficult for you, and what helped you get through it?

I’d love to hear your experiences and advice. Sometimes knowing other moms went through similar challenges makes the journey feel a little easier. 💛

My child is 2 and they attend a daycare that is owned by a publicly traded company. I have recently learned the staff to child ratio for Two's in a classroom is 1:8. That is alarming for this stage in development to have so many two year old toddlers assigned to one teacher and a max classroom of 16 with 2 teachers. These are small humans learning how to regulate their emotions, use the potty, tuning their motor skills, and exploring physical boundaries all while having one nap during the day. It is a lot for me as a parent with one and I cannot imagine having 8 all at that same demanding age of life.

***Revised*** Virginia's state licensure requirement is 1:8 and I am aware that this is going to take a legislative process to change.

Have any parents tried getting the ratios reduced? If so, what were the steps taken?

I'm looking for real suggestions and advice so please no asinine opinions or snarky remarks - especially if you are not a parent using the daycare system for your little. Thanks in advance.