r/Moms

Seeking creative ideas! Around the world there are ceremonies for rites of passage related to physical changes. I love how mainstream Global North is getting on board with period parties & teaching our female-bodied youth to carry less shame. Birthing people have baby welcoming ceremonies. Lots of other cool stuff… But what about saying good bye to something? My husband is getting a vasectomy this month and I want to honor him, and say goodbye to his/our reproductive time in a special way. We have two beautiful children and we’re both sure we’re done. How to mark this door closing in our lives? I’ve asked him how he wants to mark this time and he was surprised by the question, even though he’s usually the one to ritualize our lives in beautiful ways. I want to give him what he gives me! But am having trouble with ideas 😅 Has anyone else done anything like this? Thanks for any ideas!

I get my girls every second weekend (9yo and 10yo). I'm unsure of how to proceed with helping them with their hygiene. Anything will be appreciated!

They got their ears pierced about 10 weeks ago. They are still very tender to the touch and gunk on them almost every single day. We, my partner and I, have cleaned them out every time they are over here with us. However, when they go back to their fathers, they come back filthy. Ears are dirty, hair is a rats nest, nails are dirty and untrimmed, etc. 9yo has ADHD, has a hard time remembering to brush her hair. 10yo has always had her head in the clouds, very much look at the flowers type of girl. She doesn't remember to do things either. The most they've been able to remember is deodorant, at least for the 9yo. Still working on that for the 10yo. Anyways, we've run out of ideas as what to do to help them remember basic hygiene.

Here are things I've tried so far:
- have a shared Finch goal that reminds them on their tablets
- whiteboards outside their rooms with "TO-DO!" on it
- spoken reminders
- asked them about xyz
- timers
- talking about them having more responsibility

None of these have worked so far. I've been doing so much reading on ADHD for my 9yo, and my 10yo is a follower so some of the time what works for the younger will work for the older. It's gotten to the point to, as I said earlier, their ears are so bad I had to take the earrings out and there were so much tears for that because of the pain. They have a mass in the back of both ears (I will be asking their father to take them to their GP), and bleeding as well.

I need help!

For context: I would say my mother and I have a close relationship. We talk on the phone at least once a week, though we live across the nation from each other.

My husband and I flew to our hometown for his best friend’s wedding, for which he is the best man. We also have a toddler and a 3 month old. My mother was extremely kind to open her house to us and even went as far as getting us essential baby/toy things.

Prior to our trip, she offered to watch our kids for a few hours on the nights of the rehearsal dinner/wedding so that we could attend child-free. We quickly took her up on this offer because we have not had a night to ourselves since the birth of our new baby.

Now, I had a feeling in advance that my son was going to pose a challenge. He is exclusively breast fed (besides a bottle he took once or twice as a newborn) and is very attached to me. He does not tolerate being held by anyone else for very long. I let my mom know this well in advance and expressed concern for how the nights may go. She stood firm on her offer and stated “whatever happens will happen and we will just deal with it!” We went over some soothing techniques she could use to calm him if he gets upset (rocking, carrying him in his carrier, pacifier, burping, etc) and I planned on pumping so that she could try to give him a bottle both nights.

Fast forward to the rehearsal dinner. I texted her a couple of hours in to check in and she responded, an hour after my text, “when is it over?”. Figuring that was not a good sign, I immediately called her. I asked again how it was going and she said “do you want the truth or a lie?” I asked for the truth and she said “yeah he has been crying all night.” She stated none of the techniques were working and he has been crying for 2 hours straight. It took me some time to process this information so I went quiet and she then asked again when it is over. I told her I wasn’t sure but I was thinking another hour or hour and a half. She then said with a harsh tone “well do you want him to cry for the next 2 hours? Because that is the reality of the situation.” I got quiet again (primarily because that was very upsetting to me) and then we just ended the conversation at that. I left the rehearsal dinner within 10 minutes of that conversation and went to my mom’s. My baby was asleep by this point (thankfully) but I was still upset by my mom’s comment so I decided to take a shower to calm down. I then went down to her and told her it was not fair for her to be rude to me and ask me such a ridiculous question. She got extremely defensive and said “you have NEVER had him cry at you for 3 hours” and continued to go into detail about how bad the night was. I told her I know what it is like to have him cry at you and that it is extremely frustrating, but that it is not fair for her to take it out on me. I did not feel as though she ever admitted that she was being harsh towards me after that argument, but we both just let it go after talking some more. I told her I did not want to go to the wedding anymore but she said “that is ridiculous, you are going to the wedding.” We talked about bringing my baby with us to the wedding but ultimately decided it was not a good idea. She then stated she is willing to watch him again the night of the wedding. To make things worse, she was inviting another couple over to watch a football game that night. I told her I hated that I felt like my son could ruin all of their nights, but she said that the couple also has grandkids so they are familiar with being around kids. So I stupidly let it happen.

Last night was the wedding. Because the last conversation to check in with her went poorly, I did not reach out and figured she would reach out if any problem arose. I called her on the way to her house and she told me her friend had been holding my son for the last hour to get him to calm down. I got to her house and her friend (whom I had never met before) had my son on her hip and he was, once again, sleeping. My mom did not go into detail about how last night went. We had some conversations about what to do with my son since he was asleep on her friend and I felt as though, once again, she was being rude/harsh towards me. I did not want to deal with her again, so I just went upstairs to get undone.

I went back downstairs to get some water and overheard her and her fiancé talking about the situation. My mom said things like “no breastfeeding mother should ever leave her baby for that long”.

AIO for letting this impact our relationship? This whole situation has left me feeling confused, guilty, and like a horrible mother.

So I have a question.. ik epidural is a thing during birth. Firstly, if someone is on it, does an epidural also help when they stitch you up, 2ndly if you're not on it, can you still ask for anaesthesia for the stitching (like, please, idk, knock me out), or is it always as usual: "suck it up, it's painful, and we don't care what you scream"

Would you borrow books instead of buying them? Looking for honest opinions

Hello, fellow book lovers!

Original books keep getting more expensive, and half the books I buy I only read once. So I've been thinking about a small book-lending subscription in Lahore, and this sub feels like the right place to ask before I put any money into it.

The idea:
- Every month, original books (not reprints) are delivered to your door, wrapped like a letter.
- You request specific titles or let us pick based on your taste.
- When you're done, a rider collects them and drops off your next box.
- Every book carries a little "passport" where each reader leaves a one-line note for the next, so a borrowed book comes with a trail of readers before you.
- Optional: write real handwritten letters to a penpal who loves the same books, using pen names. Letters go through the library, so no addresses are ever shared.

Rough pricing: around Rs 1,500 a month for 2 books, more for 4 or 6, plus a refundable deposit. If you love a book, you can keep it at a member discount.

I'd love to know:

1. Would you use this, or do you prefer owning books or PDFs?
2. Does the price feel fair?
3. Is the book passport cute or pointless?
4. Penpals: fun or awkward?
5. What would make you sign up without thinking twice?

Brutal honesty welcome!

Assalam o Alaikum everyone!

I'm a reader from lahore working on a small idea, and I'd really value moms' opinions before I put money into it.

Kids outgrow books so fast, and good original children's books are expensive. Meanwhile screens are taking over reading time. So I'm thinking of a children's book-lending subscription:

- Every month, hand-picked books for your child's age and interests are delivered to your door, wrapped like a little gift.
- When they're done, a rider collects them and drops off the next box.
- You can request specific books, or let us choose based on what your child loves.
- Kids colour a reading map and earn little rewards for finishing books and returning them on time.

There'd also be an optional penpal side for kids aged 7 and up: they write real handwritten letters to another child of a similar age, using a pen name. Letters go through the library and are read before being passed on, no addresses or phone numbers are ever shared, and nothing happens without a parent's approval.

Rough pricing I'm considering: around Rs 1000-1500 a month for 2 books, more for 4 or 6, plus a small refundable deposit.

I'd love to know:

1. Would you use something like this for your kids? Why or why not?
2. Does the price feel fair?
3. Would the penpal idea excite your child, or worry you? What would make you feel safe?
4. What age group would you want it for?
5. What would make you sign up without thinking twice?

Please be honest, even if you think it won't work. JazakAllah for reading!

My son has recently started to refuse eating his meals even simple things. He’s 2 and turning 3 in December and we recently brought home our second baby and is 3 weeks. This really started when we got home from the hospital but I don’t think because of the new baby. My in laws watched him and he was basically a free range chicken there. They constantly gave snacks and sweets, every meal made him his own separate meal of just snacky foods (think goldfish and cheezits). I like to think that he was a good eater before. Usually ate what we ate and rarely complained, minus with veggies. But now i’m debating on no fruit with meals unless he eats most the main meal first. I have been trying to implement the same “rule” we used at my daycare that if you try two bites and still don’t like it then you don’t have to eat it. He will try the first bite and just chew it and leave it in his mouth until he’s almost choking on it. I’m talking he’s doing this with almost every dinner, even when we do have simple ones.

I’m at a loss because I don’t think sitting there yelling at him to eat his food does anything to help, and I don’t like the idea of not feeding him. If he tries a bite and swallows and doesnt like it sure I’ll make him something else but I also dont want that to be a routine he gets into.

I don’t offer snacks during the day except maybe one after nap if he wakes up from nap early. Of course if he says he’s hungry I will give him something.

Is this something that all kids go through?? How do I stop it? I hate yelling at him because I feel like he just shuts down and it becomes even more of a battle. Thank you for any advice!

This is for all the moms out there :) I’m making a little flip book called “Before You Go” for moms to give to their daughters before they head off to college. To make them feel empowered to trust their instincts and make strong decisions while navigating this new chapter. I’d love any ideas or specific topics you feel like need to be included (18year old daughter is the audience). It’s a cute floral pattern so far, the first page has space for mom to write her a note, and at the end of the book has space to write in phone numbers for parents, friend, police, crisis line, etc. Each page is a different topic. These are the pages and topics so far:

1.) A New Chapter: I’m so proud of you
2.) A note before you go (mom gets to write a handwritten note here :) )
3.) Know your worth (finding a supportive friend or boyfriend/girlfriend)
4.) Out and about, safe and fabulous (going out to parties safely, consent, squad goals looking out for other girlies, and trusting your gut)
5.) Your rhythm your pace (taking breaks, planning, celebrating the small wins)
6.) Your passions, your people (finding fun clubs and communities)
7.) Money made simple (budgeting, credit cards, scams, habits)
8.) Take care of you (sleep, moving, if moods come and go seeking a free counselor, knowing health centers and title IX, moms always there to call no matter the hour of the day :)
9.) Your go-to list (phone numbers for emergency, police, crisis line, dating violence, moms number, campus safety, nearest hospital
10.) Take us with you (a page to post (or attack) your own photos for her.

Thank you all in advance for your helpful suggestions! I can’t wait to make this 😊📓🌸

I am 27 years old and have recently found out that I am pregnant. The pregnancy was accidental and, when I first found out, my immediate reaction was shock, anger and crying. My first thought was essentially, “Please, not now.”

I do want to have children. Ideally, I had imagined having my first baby around the age of 29, so the idea of becoming a mother is something I want, but I had wanted a little more time to prepare myself and my life first.

I have been with my boyfriend for around 8 months, and we have been living together for approximately 4 months. Although our relationship is still relatively new, I can see myself marrying him and building a long-term life with him. If I knew he was fully committed and supportive, I would want to have a baby with him, but he does not want to be one a father yet.

Financial and practical stability are my biggest concerns. Money is also a huge worry, followed by not owning a home and my boyfriend being on a temporary contract earning less than me, I am also relatively new in my own job, having been there for 5 months, although I expect to become permanent after 6 months.

I worry about losing my freedom and lifestyle, childcare, and the fact that we are not married yet.
My mental health is another important factor. I have been off mental health medication for 4 months, and before this pregnancy I had wanted to be stable for a full year without medication before deliberately trying to become pregnant.

I feel that I could cope with pregnancy and parenthood better with my boyfriend’s support than on my own. I am concerned about whether I would be mentally, physically and financially capable of providing properly for a child right now.

When I imagine continuing the pregnancy, I feel mainly fear, although there is also some acceptance.
The biggest emotional conflict is that I feel guilty about ending the pregnancy because I sometimes think of the baby as having “chosen me” to be its mum. At the same time, when I remove everyone else’s opinions and think only about what I personally want, part of me wishes that I could end this pregnancy and have a baby later, when I feel more ready and established.

My biggest fear about having an abortion is not necessarily that I don’t want to be a mother, I do, but that I might later want a baby and be unable to conceive. As I am overweight. I am also afraid I would feel guilty or grieve the baby I didn’t choose to have.
My biggest fear about continuing the pregnancy is that I may not be ready or capable of giving the child the life and stability I want for them, and that they could eventually suffer or resent me.
Ultimately, I feel caught between two futures I could both imagine wanting: becoming a mother now, which feels frightening and earlier than planned, or ending this pregnancy and trying for a baby later, which feels closer to the life I originally envisioned but carries the fear and uncertainty of letting this pregnancy go.

I just had my third baby, and EVERYONE wants to hold this kid, all the time. We fight over him. It’s ridiculous. And it doesn’t help that he’s the easiest, most chill baby ever. Okay so anyways I don’t know if that’s the reason why I’m super obsessed and even possessive over him, or if it’s the fact that we were TTC for a while and experienced a loss before he was conceived, or if it’s the fact that he might be our last baby.. but I am really possessive. I want to hold him all the time. I don’t go anywhere without him. I don’t like to share him. You can hold him for 5 or 10 minutes, and then I want him back. (And I’m not saying I don’t let anyone hold him for longer than that.. I do. It just kills me inside.)

But here’s my biggest thing.. I do all of the work for this kid, right? I break my back to breastfeed him, I change him, I bathe him, I wash his laundry, change his clothes, take him to the doctor, spent 9 months being miserable to make him perfectly perfect, stress about whether he’s getting enough milk, how often he’s pooping, oversee his big sister while she’s holding him to make sure he doesn’t get dropped or broken, etc., etc. I do it all. So if you’re holding him for an extended period of time and then happen to notice that his diaper is wet.. guess what? Congrats. That’s your diaper to change. Why should I come change it for you just so you can go back to holding my perfect sweet angel baby? I do all the work to make him happy, just so you can hold him while he’s happy or asleep? I don’t think so. If you want to hold him for hours while he sleeps, you can also change his goddamn diaper.

I am frustrated with their behavior and that they keep getting in trouble. They are grounded and lost most of their privileges already. What are other effective ways to get them to quit getting in trouble?