I've known this girl for about 2 years now, ever since I had met her, I had a massive crush on her, I've never liked anyone so she was the first one I liked, about 6 months into knowing her, She gave signs that she liked me back, We nearly got together but I accidentally ruined it because I was too shy to Commit to actually saying yes, what happened is that it was a random day, and I had Gotten a message From my crush saying "do you like me?" in response I was too Shy and Not confident enough to actually tell her I did, So I just said "no?, why do you ask?" And she just responded with "oh well I've just been hearing stuff at school" after that conversation I realised that was probably her subtly trying to ask me out since then it was very obvious we liked each other, and she was trying to trigger A relationship, but I had accidentally ruined it. ever since I had accidentally ruined the potential relationship, she's had about 2 relationships so far, when she got into the first relationship i was very Upset about it till the point I couldn't be around my cruah and her new girlfriend without getting upset and nearly crying within 5 minutes, it took me a few weeks to actually Be able to spend time with Milly while her girlfriend was around, after a few months they ended up breaking up, I was honestly Happy about it because their relationship was really corny, and I still liked this girl, however only a month after she had broken up with her ex I found out she had been Dating one of her best friends since about December 2025 till now, I wasn't as upset about it as I was with the last relationship
However I have noticed some things about The way this girl Treats me in the present
Firstly, You know the thing teenagers do with their friends?, like when they say sexual/flirty things to each other as a joke?, well y crush does this to me often, although I have noticed she doesn't do it with any of her other friends like at all, and she never says flirty/sexual things to me when shes with her new current Girlfriend, a specific moment I remember is that I was in music with her one day, we were vocalists for a song we were practicing, we ended up having to share a microphone because there was about five Vocalists and 4 microphones, I cant remember the exact context, but we ended up sitting on a chair together, and we had to lean into each other to be able to sing in the microphone together, so I was leaning on her kind of so that I could sing into the microphone properly, I remember her saying "mm how romantic!" And I said "WHAT!?" in a genuinely kinda shocked joking manner, after I said that I heard my crush laughing and saying "I don't even know what I'm saying" in kind of an awkward(?) manner?, I was kind of actually surprised she had said that because when she jokes with me it's usually sexual stuff, never anything to do with romance
there's also other stuff, I feel like she doesn't really like her current girlfriend, I remember sitting with my crush and her girlfriend after school, and I saw her girlfriend lean over to give my crush a kiss, although I saw my crush trying to dodge the kiss, because it looked like it was aimed at her mouth, so her gf ended up kissing her on the cheek rather then the mouth, I also think I saw a disgusted(?) expression on her face as Her girlfriend kissed her because she was looking in my direction, also I don't think she was looking at me directly she just turned her head in my direction and I just so happened to see her face
also usually when I'm with my crush I try to sit next to her when I can because she's my only friend, whether it's in class or during recess and lunch, I usually sit with her in Music, science, outdoor ed, and year meetings too sometimes, and Sometimes during lunch if I'm lucky,there was this time I was with my crush and her friend group of in the library and My crush was grabbing a chair for me to sit next to her because she had sat down and there was no chair next to her so she grabbed a chair for me, The reason I know the chair was meant for me is because right after my crush had Placed down the chair I walked in that direction because I wasn't to sure if it was actually for me or not, Before I could get anywhere near the chair I saw my xrushest girlfriend Run right past me and sit in the chair, I heard my crush say to her girlfriend "that chair was meant for (my name)" I can't remember what my crushes girlfriend said, but my crush looked at me and said "Sorry.." a couple of days later we were back in the library, I was with my crush and her girlfriend want there yet, my crush was sitting down, and I looked at the chair next to her not sure if I should sit on it or not, I looked at my crush and asked her if her gf was gonna sit there she just said "I don't know.." and I just said "I guess I'll just sit there then..." shortly after that, my crushes Gf with one of their friends arrived and sat down on the seat across from my crush, she then said to my crush "come sit over here (..)!" aka trying to get my crush to sit next to her, Although my crush said to Her gf "no, I will sit here" all I heard from my crushes girlfriend is "oh bum.." or something like that, so instead of my crush sitting with her gf, their friend sat next to my crushes Gf instead
the funny thing here is that when my crushes was dating her ex gf, I remember that near when it first started, I made a sexual joke with her, and her Response was "I'm taken!" in an exaggerated shocked joking Manner, although if I sexually(and probably romantically) joke with her now she'll play along or laugh even though she has another gf
also my crush tells me she loves me a lot, but I've never actually really heard her tell her other friends that she loves them as much as she does to me, and I think I've only ever heard her say I love you to Her gf a few times, she usually tells me she loves me when we are saying bye to each other, like when I'm about to walk in another direction to my class, she'll say something like 'love you!' I've started to say 'love you too' as I walk away, and sometimes she does it when I give her things
I remember being in Outdoor Ed with my crush and complaining I wasn't in any relationship because I'm fugly, when I said that y crush thought to herself and said "you are..... *very long pause*... Fansome!" and when I asked her what that was supposed to mean she said "it means fucking handsome!, Instead of Fucking ugly, you're fucking handsome!!"
also I must also say I treat my crush very well, I give her my food all the time, I gift her things, and all that stuff and I show her I care by offering her things, like asking if she needs water or anything, and I also offer her emotional support too, for example I remember this day she was upset for whatever reason, we were sitting together and I was trying to Find out what to say to her, I asked her if she was okay, and she was actually honest with me, she said "no" but before I could ask her if it was mentally or physically One of my crushes friends came around and interrupted the moment, my crushes friend then asked her if she was okay, and instead of my crush being Honest like she was with me she told this friend she was fine, there was also this other time where my crush was sitting alone at lunch instead of sitting with me and all her other friends, I didn't try and bother her during lunch, but near the end I walked up to her and asked if she was okay, I can't remember if she Answered me or not but after a minute she stood up, she looked pretty down and sad, and I just stared at her. Waiting for her to say something, by the way I'm quite shorter then her so I had to actively look up, as I looked up at her she suddenly hugged me really tight, I couldn't really hug her back properly because I was holding my jumper in one arm, I can't exactly remember when this was but I think it was sometime last year or smth, I think I'm the only one of her friends that actually consistently give her things out of all her friends
And Something weird I had noticed Compared to my crushes Last relationship and her current relationship is that my crush and her ex were ALWAYS together when they could be, always all over each other, always sitting next to each other, basically connected by the hip, my crush ended up Breaking up with Her ex because Her ex was 'annoying' which lead me to believe that the reason my crush and her ex was always together was because Her ex was forcing my crush to be with her all the time, so I think my crush Broke up with her because she was 'Overbearing' as well as annoying, but with my crushes Current gf, It's not like that, I've seen and heard how Clingy my crushes gf is with my crush, like always trying to sit next to my crush, and trying to get my crush to sit with her, and from what I've seen, my crush says no when her gf tries to get my crush to sit with her when she gets up to move somewhere else.
Something else I was also told recently is that not long ago, like last week on Wednesday I think it was, I was in Japanese class, usually in Japanese I sit alone, mainly because I have no other friends in my class other than my crush, and her gf Always sits next to my crush in Japanese class on those desks that only have two Chairs at the desk against the wall, although this day was different, it was the start of the lesson, I was sitting in front of my crush and her gf as usual, my crushes gf and my crushes Friends were sitting across from them at a seperate desk, and my crushes gf was asking my crush if they could sit at the desk Infront of them so that they could talk to their friends, I heard my crush say 'no I like sitting at this desk' her gf accepted it but was disappointed, after a few minutes she abruptly stood up and said 'well in going to sit here so i can talk to (friend)' I don't think my crush said anything but I immediately perked up Because I saw it was an opportunity to sit next to her, almost as soon as my crushes gf Moved I asked my crush if I could sit next to her, my crush said yeah and I didn't waste much time to sit next to her, me and my crush and i Talked for the entire lesson, and apparently according to one of the friends my crushes gf was talking to, her gf Was glaring at me from where she had moved, I'm not sure if it's true because I was very engrossed in my conversation With my crush, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was true
I also can't really confirm if I was Millie's First potential relationship, but I guess I could confirm that I was one of her first potential HIGHSCHOOL relationships?
Also I'm not too sure how long my crush has Known her gf, I think she's known her As long as she's known me, or possibly longer?, I'm not too sure.
About yesterday I was complaining about my love life to my crush and how I was too ugly, she didn't reassure me and say I was pretty but she told me that I'd have a glow up like she did sometime soon, after that I was a little upset and insecure because being ugly never feels good, after that my crush started acting in a way I had never seen her before, she offered me things and tried to help me out, during our class (outdoor Ed) I we were sitting out on whatever we were doing and while I was sitting quietly she suddenly offered me a piece of her fruit bread thing, she never usually offered.me stuff very often, and by the end of the lesson we had to take the balls back to the storage room, my crush was carrying two and she had quickly put the balls down to put her bag on, while she was getting her bag on I grabbed one of the balls and she said "no no I'll carry them" and I refused and said I would carry it and she said "are you sure?" And I nodded, the teacher Then asked me to carry another ball so I did, I was now carrying to balls, my crush then looked at me and said "do you want me to carry them now?" And I shook my head She then said "are you sure?" And I nodded again,after we put the balls in the storage room, my crush had a couple of tic tacs i had given her earlier while we were walking to lunch She asked me if I wanted one and i shook my head she asked if I waa sure and i shook my head again she then waved the tic Tac in my face as a way to try and get me to take it, it made me giggle a little But I still didn't take it, that afternoon when I was at home she Suddenly sent me a Tiktok video that said "there's this girl.. she's shorter then me, has a beautiful smile...(blahblahblah) and she's reading this right now" (and yes I'm a girl), the thing I found more suspicious in the Titkok is that in the hashtags of the Tiktok she sent me it had '#relationships' and '#situationship' Also something I had noticed about the video is that it was meant for people to send to their partners/crushes, I originally thought that maybe my crush meant it in a friendly way and just didn't see the hashtags or something but now that I think about it more...but the thing that confuses me more is that my crush is in a relationship?