u/Different_Track6328

It wasn't like this 10 or 20 years ago. The number of people I know being prompted by therapists to cut off loved ones (instead of expressing their standards and needs, building skills) is really sad. Even worse, I'm seeing especially young people feeling like they can only talk about the heavy sh1t with a therapist. Keeping friendships superficial and light.

I'm really grossed out by this. Although my experiences with therapy were never cannibalistic like this, I am hesitant to ever go again.

It wasn't like this 10 or 20 years ago. The number of people I know being prompted by therapists to cut off loved ones (instead of expressing their standards and needs, building skills) is really sad. Even worse, I'm seeing especially young people feeling like they can only talk about the heavy sh1t with a therapist. Keeping friendships superficial and light.

I'm really grossed out by this. Although my experiences with therapy were never cannibalistic like this, I am hesitant to ever go again.

Hi there. I'm the patron saint of breakups. Got some miracles in my stats, and successful healed hearts, too.

I can't stand to see you suffering. I'm here to help. So listen to me:

1. If you're grieving in silence and you never really talked it out, just call them. Don't text. Too much nuance in delivered and read statuses. Call them. Ask them if they would be open to talking about being together. Get your yes or your no. And be prepared that it will be a no.

(Caveat: if they asked you not to contact them, don't. If they were abusive, don't you dare. I refuse to assist with reuniting abusive partners.)

You only need the following steps if 1 was a no.

2. I'm the patron saint of breakups, so let me do my secret saint business while you think about other things. I know it's hard, sweet thing, but you are just making yourself more miserable by obsessing. Let me do my job, and you distract yourself with hobbies and movies and restaurants and nature and friends and family. (Pro tip: scary movies can scare you so badly that you stop thinking about the breakup for a little bit.)

3. Beware the pedestal. You're making your suffering worse by pretending your ex was perfect and not being realistic about them or the relationship. Do not put them on some pedestal that makes them glitter with fantasy and lies. Like some artifact in a museum. People are messy and gross, and we love them regardless. Don't pretend they're fake flawless mythical lovers. And if they were abusive, I need you to stop hoping immediately.

4. Reframe your feelings in light of your values:

Examples:

Boundaries/Respect

"Pining for him/her is like not accepting that they told me no."

Gratitude/Beauty

"I'm so thankful they were in my life and I will take what they taught me to make my life what I want it to be."

Yes, it will still hurt, but this step reminds you not to wallow around and waste precious time.

5. In low risk platonic ways, not dating/clubs/bars, be around people of your preferred gender and orientation as often as you can. Book clubs. Frisbee golf. Volunteering. Trivia Nights. Get busy, and let people surprise you. That girl at birding club will make you laugh harder than you ever have before, or that guy at bingo will treat you like a queen from moment you meet. Fall in love several times a week, indulge in crushes, ENJOY individuals that you find attractive.

6. Apps aren't my favorite. I recommend being around real life people so you can see and hear them. People fall in love with laughs and dimples and smells and shoulders, not emojis. Plus apps aren't fun. Go have fun while I cook.

If you come under my patronage, I can promise you one of two results: either I will bring them back to you if that is the happiest outcome, or I will keep them away if I see I need to protect you and heal that heart of yours. I am always on the side of the person hurting more, and I will get this all fixed.

Say the luminous mysteries or a prayer to St Raphael if I'm not going fast enough for ya. Love ya.

Peace ☮️✌️