closing a relationship, and I don't know if i can take it
So, me (24F) and my boyfriend (26M) have been together for 8 years, and for 4 of those years we had a non monogamous relationship. Up until this year we didn't get much action with other people, mostly because of practical issues (living in a small town, etc), but recently we had both been going out with other people pretty consistently. I was very happy about it, specially cause I didn't have much experience with women before getting with him, and this has consistently been a big insecurity and yearning of mine. It still is, I still long for being in a serious relationship with a woman, but at least the sexual part I was getting to experience (our boundary was that neither of us would get in serious relationships outside of ours, neither of us thought we'd have the energy to maintain multiple relationships).
It all changed a few days ago when we had a fight and he decided that we should break up because he doesn't want to keep being non mono, along with other compatibility issues. We talked a lot and he told me he struggled with 2 main things:
1- he doesn't feel like he needs anyone else, and says it doesn't feel the same with other people
2- he was having major issues with the thought of me having sex with other people. The way he worded it made me realize it's very much rooted in misogyny, and this alone has made me angry and extremely sad.
I was devastated, but thought for a few days and came to the conclusion that it was for the best. Turns out he also thought about it and came to the opposite conclusion, he begged me to stay, and said we could compromise and maybe find a third person for the relationship. I don't think this is a smart decision, because if he's mono that will only make things worse for him. And also, I think is just not realistic. We can't magically find a third person for a serious relationship when he doesn't want to be casual with anyone else. I just know this "compromise" will end up falling into me.
I love him very much, and I got so conflicted that after talking for a little longer we decided on waiting and reevaluating our feelings during the next few days, so that any decision is not rushed.
So, I have been thinking. I do not know if I can be happy in a mono relationship. It's not so much about the sex for me, it's more about feeling free. I feel like I'm stuck. Basically my whole adult life was lived alongside him and in an open relationship. Ontop of all the issues, this is also causing me to have an identity crisis of sorts. I feel like I'm giving up two major parts of me: being poly and being with women.
Even before this fight I wasn't in a great place in the relationship, and was having doubts about my willingness to stay in it long term. Tbh for that time I stayed mostly because I didn't want him to take the fall. We moved to another state together for my university, and he basically haven't made any progress in his professional life for the past few years. I feel like thats my fault, and feel guilty for bringing him along just to dump him after all of it.
My rational mind tells me this won't work out, and I have a gut feeling telling me to let it go, but love him more than I can describe. I feel like I have an impossible decision ahead.
Sorry for the long ass post, I really need outside opinions.