u/Diligent_Actuator950

I am a 54 year old American man and considering early retirement in the Phillipines.

Is it easy to make friends if you are deliberate and put yourself out there?

I'm 54. I have lived with thoughts of self harm and depression since I was very young. Depression has killed several member of my family. It's a real threat to my life and I hate it. I take it very seriously.

I went through a very rough spell last year - unable to leave my house or be around people. I worked from bed for most of the year.

I had been working with a psychiatrist for 12 years but she quit seeing me early in 2025 after none of the medicines worked.

Eventually, I found TMS. It helped me in a way that therapy and medicine did not. I am grateful that TMS was available to me and that it worked. I spent 10,000 dollars out of pocket however.

I was still having an issue with motivation so I asked the Psychiatrist running the clinic if she could take me on as a patient to recommend some things that might help with that.

She agreed so I set up for the first available appointment - which was 4 weeks out. It was a telehealth appointment and when the time came for the appointment she didnt show. So I texted her office and she appeared on screen a few minutes later and said - "soooo, what's up". She had clearly forgotten the appointment and the session was rushed and forced due to her being late.

Today was the second appointment. Again she didnt show. After seven minutes, I texted the office again and closed the telehealth window. They called me to reschedule but I just laughed at that idea.

So I wasted two months and more money. The medicine she recommended was interesting but kept me up for 6 days straight and I had to quit. I was hoping to explore a lower dose and a sleep aid during the session today.

I am giving up on the mental health industry, save for future rounds of TMS perhaps.

Therapy never worked. Most of the "counselors" were legit awful and I suspected they were just as damaged as me. I had one good therapist in five attempts in my laugh but I suspect talk therapy is mostly useless and the positive effects transitory.

Medicine doesn't work for me generally but I kept going back to it at the encouragement of my family. I won't go back to medicine.

I am currently researching ketogenic diet for mental illness and reading "Brain Energy" by Dr. Chris Palmer. It likely won't work but I am increasingly of the opinion that I am going to have to engineer my own solution - if it is even possible. So discouraging.