u/Diligent_Yoghurt_564 — reddlx

Hi guys. I’ve been battling depression since I was 10 years old. I used to feel emotions very intensely, but about a year ago, I’ve just felt numb and uninterested in everything. I would only bed rot, go to work, come home, do homework, and the cycle repeated. My husband and I did long distance for about 1.5 years because of the Army. Somewhere along in that time frame, I began to feel extremely numb towards everything. I worked with my family and there was a lot of drama that came along with working with them, I was in school working towards my nursing degree, coupled with the fact that I was away from my husband just made my mind turn off from everything that made me relatively happy in the past. Fast forward to now, I moved states and closed the distance between my husband and I, and this survival mode feeling is still not going away. I feel like I used to do everything for him in the past, go out of my way to get him things and make him gifts, but I don’t do nearly as much of that anymore. He’s been so supportive and loving towards me, and I just feel like I merely exist. My therapist back home didn’t help me with shit, so I’ve been on the search for some here as I navigate this new area. I feel like I’ve been very cold towards him most days and he’s just always shown me so much warmth. I feel like a horrible person and I know need help. Has anyone else felt like this with their partner? What did you do to resolve this? It’s so debilitating and it weighs on my mind every single day.