u/Direct-Border-5145

Hello.

When i was little my father was mentally ill infacte he ended up killing himself when i was 8 but that wasn't the part i remember the most that make me so mad/sad. but the fact that he didn't plan of dying alone he planned on killing himself my sibling which at the time was my older brother (12) myself(8) and my little sister (2-3) and my mother. My father was always abusive he would try to drown me and my brother in the sink if we did have the dishes done by the time he came home but he came home all tiem he had no set time off of work. he would beat us with belts till we bleed i stil; have those marks on my body. he would choke me on the wall intill i almost passed out and then throw me across the room where i remeber i would wake up many times after hours of passing out on the floor. if my older brother tried to stop him or wake my up he would be beated and punch in till he bled. he would starve us by taking all the food out of the house when he went to work and giving it to his friend's he would take it all frozen food that he would keep in the car and the leftovers. me and my brother relied on can food we got at school as our dinner and sometimes lunch on the weekends they wluld give 5 cans each we had to feed our selves and my baby sister as we watched her.

but that was normal for us it wasn't intill one summer when i was 8 he started to go crazy. because my mom left him she had done this many times but this was the first time she actually left as in she left the house. This is were my hate come from see my mom left not just because he was cheating but because he thretened to kill her and us. I remember the last week of school like it was yesterday we came home from school and my mom was gone she didn't tell us where and we were worried. The week after became a horror at first it started off okay he change for the better. he stayed home because he lost he job again and started to spend time with us he started to feed us and even taught me how to cook bacon. he would call my mom and the one time she answer he made us talk to her to guilt her. (at this time we didn't know what was happening or why she was gone.)

then he changed he would be gone almost all day looking for her for hours he would be looking. then he would come home and stay in he's room he wouldn't come out. I remember once he asked me to bring him ramen noodles i remember bringing them to him and then i blacked out I don't know but i think he sa'ed me. ( i have never told anyone this as i have blacked it like a lot of stuff.) by this time it was summer about 2 weeks in to summer so my mom was gone for about a month at this point we hadn't heard about her for awhile. around this time out family dog which we had two had given birth about 3-4 months before this so we had a male dog who was protective but calm. a girl dog that was kind we got her from the shelter and one on her puppys. she started going throw problems because she was older when she had the baby's i think about 10-11 she was supposed to be spayed but she wasn't. but because of that she had strated bleeding about for about a week me and my brother would clean it up be for my dad knew and everything was good. but then she bled on my brother white shirt i remember he saying something about it my father was sleeping on the couch drunk so my brother didn't think to whisper but he heard him and came in the room. (I also want to say we weren't sleeping in a room at that time despite having one beacuse it was next to my parents room, so we were scared to be so close we slept in a connect room of the living room and kitchen on the floor so there was no door.) he came and asked my brother what happen my brother said nothing but he threaten to beat him so my brother should him i remember hit her and then took her somewhere and probably killed her. I was upset with my nrother for a while after that but now i understand.

This is when we saw something was really wrong with him it was mid september and we had barely any food. this is when he started to talk. he wuld talk to himself all hours of the day and night i remember i went to use the bathroom and he was in it and thedoor was cracked he was talking to mirroe saying how he was going to kill us to help us and how he was going to kill himself and my mom. that's when I wanted to leave but we had no car and no money he was up all day and night in his room talking and we were stupid and scared to leave him and take oru little sister. The week of his death he stayed in his room didn't eat or anything my other dog ran away the asult boy after he realized the girl dog wasn't coming bakc i remember comeing to get him to come in and he was across the street he just look at me and i want to get himannd bring him but i couldn't so that to him i let him go. I want to go to but i wasn't string enough. I remember we were only eating once a day and spilting the last can's in three's it was so hot. and we only stayed in one room we didn't move so he would hear us. then the last day i was sleeping from being hungery and scared then the door opened it was my uncle my dear uncle came in quietly and took us out he told us to leave everthing he took me and my siblings but we begged him to take the puppy so he went bad and did. I remeber sleeping in the car to my grandma's house i rememeber going inside and my grandma was smiling but her eyes weren't. i remember my first meal after week of being hunger it was frozen beef patty's. that day all we did was sleep then about four day later my mom came.

I remember how happy i was to see her, i remember when she told me he died. I remember faking being sad for her, I remember never talking about it after. i went to school when the time came and teacher kept saying sorry they were for my loss. I just want to hit them to make them stop but they didn't know no one did.

I feel so bad for hating him because he's dead but i do.

I feel bad for hating my mom for leaving us in that house even though he was trying to kill us. I'm trying to forgive her i know it not her fault but I can't stop the feelings i only hide them. I hatebthat i'm not allowed the talk about what happend so that my mom and brother and uncle and grandma won't feel bad.

I hate pretending I hate being the one who has there shit together even thought i hate my life. I hate having to be the string one the oldest the leader.

I hate being the one who is loved because of my features( my brother is really my half-brother he is only my mothers child but that matter non to me) I hate looking like him. I hate that i push myself to be the best sibling but they never see me as good enough.

I hate how I have to pretend that never happened and make up storys when people ask about my childhood.

I just hate it all

sorry for the grammar mistakes i'm emotional.

I feel like the people watching this and seeing his progression and thinking he is totally different haven't really been around narcissistic people and it shows. Like, he isn't going to be choking out cassie every five sec's that not how it works in those stituation(most of the time).

First they start off nice like giving you flowers(like with maddie) then it progresses to controlling what you wear ( like he's weird dreams to protect maddie and he's fixation on her being a virgin) ; then they go bat shit crazy at everything you do like when he choked out maddie WHEN he was challenged with something big( he's sexuality and he's reputation if it got out)and like when cassie hit him with the champange bottle,he looked like he wanted to kill her and his brother had to talk him down. That's how it works thy act nice they con you and then they hurt you emotionally or physically.

I feel like many of you are really hyperfixated on season 2 and forget about the characters intros in season one. when nate and maddie first started dating he acted the same with her as he did with cassie. when we first met them they were already dating for a year and a half he was bringing her flowers everyday and was always finding someway to make a story to protect her (lovebombing). then a while later he hurts her because he wants to keep his image. he had a persona that he stuck too for a whole year which is crazy and it shows how he cons people. also, He was in highschool and a teenager so his emotions and social awarness were low ( he was also a rich brat that was spoiled so...yeah) so him acting out and not being able to control he's emotions make sense at that time. He was the most popular kid in school who was abkle to control everyone close to him(football team and maddies friend group) and he was the big fish in a little pond. that's why fez mad him so mad he couldn't control him or scare him. Now he's older with other adulst that have wayy more money than him(he's broke af) and they aren't going to be scared easily, so he uses the only thing he can do in this stituationhe cons them and it gets him in trouble (naz). he is trying to control his emotions and be mature that's why he is holding his tougue but he is still controlling the clip of him talking down to cassie when she's dressed as a dog or how he is purposefully trying to embarrass her to his partners. He didn't make her take the OF down because he cared but because he wanted to show other he had control of her and of the household these are narcissistic behaviors that are masked so that he can get away with it. He's out of his league and about to break and he's probably going to pimp out cassie so they can get the money.