u/Direct_Tip_8881

Context: My daughter is a single mum to a one year old boy who has not been himself for the past week after having his one year old immunisations. I live less than 5 minutes away from her.

My 30 year old daughter who has OCD and perfectionist tendencies likes to text me about her woes daily.

I generally try to act casually when she texts me and redirect her to be calm etc, look for the good, take a break, take a walk, breathe, etc. sometimes i will offer my help which is generally accepted…but honestly I am drained. She has no other support.

She comes to our house 2-4 times a week so we can look after her son whilst she is working, shopping, exercising etc. I willingly and happily sacrifice many hours a week for her and my grandson. We generally do not go over to her house as we have a bedroom set up for them to stay in when she needs support.

My grandson has been a very happy baby up until a week ago when he received 4 immunisations. He is now lethargic, cranky, crying and just wants to be held. He even cries whilst he’s sleeping.

Today he had an especially hard day and I went over for about an hour to help around dinner time. I had just left her house about an hour before when I received a text from her stating she hadn’t been able to shower, clean the kitchen, study for a course etc because since his bath he was constantly crying and literally screaming. She said she can’t live like this. She said she was frightened. She said she didn’t know what to do…

I texted back that I would come straight over.

She texted back “no.”

Then clarified that I had already done too much for her today and that I have my own life.

I thought she probably still needed my help and I would just pop over to help to do something.

When I arrived I got a text that said. “Is that you? Please do not come in.”

I texted back, “what?” You scared me out of my wits and say you can’t live like this?”

She says, “ I told you not to come.”

I said “but I’m your mum, that’s literally not fair”

She says, “Shouldn’t you respect my wishes? That wasn’t a self harming comment.”

Then another text. “HOW IS THAT FAIR?”

Then another “NOT SHOWING RESPECT ISN’T FAIR.”

So I left.

I was boiling inside.

There is more to the story as she gives me loads of rules. She always assumes the worst of me. She says I’m controlling. She accuses me of many things.

But I literally don’t understand.

Did I act disrespectful?

These texts happened whilst I was on the front porch and in rapid succession so I didn’t think too much about what I was texting but I just wanted to help her as she sounded desperate and I was concerned.

Am I really the asshole?