u/DirtNPavement

I don't have the motivation to do anything with myself... so this is just me... in the thick of it. I never liked how I looked anyways, so it wouldn't matter if I did anything to make myself look better.

So here's my dump. I'm a 25 year old woman that deals with a lot of health issues. Both physical and mental. I've been sick since I was in my early teens, due to an unfortunate combination of genetics. I have hated myself since I can remember.

The only thing I seem to have going for me is having a big compassionate heart. I've always wanted to help people. Heal people. Save people... but learned early in life that it's not that simple. I am a wanna be hero, but have no abilities to be one. Instead I feel that my self sacrifice is in vain. I do more damage than good.

What also comes with a big heart is that I am incredibly vulnerable. I have been manipulated, used and abused by so many people... I've suffered in so many ways, but I have nothing to show for my suffering. If I could have atleast been useful to someone... it would make the suffering worth it. Instead, I suffer in vain. Battling illnesses and mistreatment. All while feeling like I am not worthy to breathe the same air as all of you. I feel less than human.

2 months ago, my partner of 4 years broke up with me over text. 2 weeks later I found out that he had been lying to me... he left me for another girl... a girl that he met online on the other side of the country. A girl whom he had never even met... what that showed me is that no matter how much I give... it's never enough. He'd prefer to be with a girl he can't physically be with... than with me... the person that was there for him through some of his worst times... and didn't even care enough about me to break up with me face to face.

I have been battling with feelings of worthlessness for so long now, but this situation has made it so much worse. My future looks hopeless. I'm tired of suffering, and nothing good coming from my suffering. I've tried to stay positive for over a decade now, but there's only so many lies I can tell myself.

Please... kind people of Reddit... I know I'm pretty insignificant in this big world, but any words of encouragement... would be greatly appreciated.

I've been out of the dating scene for a long time now, and finally gave it a shot again about a week ago by downloading Hinge for the first time. Matched with this guy, and after exchanging snaps, chatting back and forth, making plans to hang out this weekend, and even getting the gold heart on Snapchat by accident. He proceeded to screen record and screenshot our chat in Snapchat and then block me. :l Is this normal behavior? Wonderful welcome back to the dating scene. Not sure if I was some sort of joke to be made or what... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Sidenote; The only reason I exchanged Snapchats so quickly is because he wanted to see pictures of my cars, and you can't exchange pictures in Hinge messaging from what I am aware.

The cherry on top is that he put that "Communication is super important to me!". Then proceeds to block me without a word about why. He didn't think to unmatch or block me on Hinge though, which is how I got the profile screen shot.

Maybe y'all can get a good laugh out my misfortune and it'll at least serve some purpose. xD