u/DisastrousShelter764

My sp and I actually love each other but he reflects every thought I have. Positive and negative.

Our story has been messy because of that. I am a very anxious person and he always tries to not hurt me. So the moment he sees me hurt he tells me it's better to end it, eventhough he doesn't want to leave me.

We are long distance and that brings me anxiety.

This is the whole story. At first I didn't want commitment, but he did. He wanted to be my boyfriend and he was loyal, caring, attentive, and everything I could ever want. So I fell for him.

After a few months I started to have doubts and immediately his behaviour changed. After a few days he told me he had lost feelings. That triggered me more, but we tried to stay talking. I was very triggered and after some weeks he left me.

I was very upset, but kept affirming. I also had a trip booked to meet him in person. The affirmations worked and it was amazing. We kissed and he told me he loved me.

After that, we are talking again. He loves me and all. But after all that happened I have doubts. This is where I am seeing my manifestations (in a bad way). I am seeing my negative thoughts in the 3D, and it's a cycle because it makes me have even more negative thoughts.

I have been feeling doubts about him and I dont really trust him even if he says he loves me. Anyways, I was anxious because we did not have plans to meet uo again, even if we both wantedto. An opportunity came up where I will be in his country in a few weeks, so I told him. He had been begging me to come see him. At first he was happy, but then he started making excuses. In the end he told me to come and he would pay for half of the trip. But, he ended up telling me he was scared he would lose feelings again. Then he said he didn't see us in a relationship (which I had been wavering about), and that maybe he could not come to me in the summer like we had arranged (which I also had been wavering about).

So now I don't know what to do, because my negative thoughts are creating my reality and I don't know how to change them. He still says he loves me, but he sees me hurting and he says even if it hurts him that it's better for me that we'd stop talking.

I am so frustrated because I created this situation and at this point of the drama I don't know how to change my thoughts into posivitve ones.

I know he loves me and he does, but the distance, and that he says he does not see me as a girlfriend, is making me waver so much. pleasehelp

Helpppp
Me and my sp met and it was amazing, but we had had some troubles before because he said he had lost feelings. he always takes care of me and doesn't want to see me hurt so we had end it. but when i went to meet him, he said he loves me and we are back talking again.

Now, after we had met we are talking and he is lovely. However i want to see more attention from him so i told him. he is changing little by little. He always says he loves me and always calls me and always worries about me.

an opportunity for me to go see him came up, and i was telling him about it. at first he was hesitant and after a long discussion he said he doesn't see us in a relationship and that he doesn't want to hurt me. he said we should end it as soon as possible so i don't get hurt more. I don't want to end it so i told him. I told him we have to see each other more in person before we get in a relationship, and that i still wanted to go see him (btw he is paying for half of the trip). We always had talked about him coming to me in august because my family would be away, but he always said it would be hard but that he was trying. Yesterday, after he told me the relationship thing, he also said that he thinks he won't be able to come. I think that's because he is lacking effort, not because of circumstances.

Later we called and we both cried. Now he is saying that for my happiness we should end it, that he does not want to hurt me more. He is saying that he loves me and wants to see me still, but he tells me not to come because it will hurt me more.

I don't know what to do in this situation. I want him to ask me to be his girlfriend and everything to be okay. The distance isn't a problem because we both could travel (me more than him because i am a little bit older). I want him to put in the effort and to believe we can be in a relationship, because he is only talking about leaving in order to not hurt me. he loves me still. I also think when we see each other again he will change his mind, but i don't know.

Also, this is not a self concept thing I think. I know i am way too good for him, and he always tells me I deserve better and I am aware of that. But i don't care about deserving. I want him and that is why I have not left him. Because I go for what I want. He has a very low self concept about himself. The problem is that he is taking me for granted. I am the only girl he has ever kissed so it's not like he has other girls wanting him, it sounds badly but it's true. I love him too much and I want to feel like he loves me more than I love him

Please any advice!??
sorry for the long rant