u/Dish_Slayer

What the fuck did I do to myself?

I recently underwent an acute course of 12 ECT treatments following a suicide attempt related to PTSD and severe depression.

For context, I’m absolutely terrified of being anaesthetised, so it took an enormous amount of courage just to get myself onto the table and go through with the treatments.

The strange thing is, after my 7th treatment, I honestly wasn’t feeling too bad. I was actually starting to feel somewhat hopeful.

But after my 12th treatment? Holy shit.
I feel like I’m drunk, stuck in some bizarre dream state, and only half present in my own body. Everything feels surreal, almost like I’m watching my life happen rather than actually experiencing it. It’s incredibly unsettling.

I’m genuinely terrified that I’ve somehow cooked my brain and that I’m going to be stuck feeling like this forever.
I only agreed to undergo ECT because I owe it to myself and my family to keep fighting, and because I’m so unbelievably exhausted from feeling depressed all the time. I desperately wanted to get better, not trade one nightmare for another.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of intense dissociation, derealisation or dreamlike feeling after ECT? Did it eventually go away?

I’d especially love to hear from people who felt absolutely awful immediately after their course, only to find that a few weeks later the fog lifted and they actually started feeling significantly better.

I’m not expecting miracles, and I know everyone’s experience is different. I just really need some hope right now.

Here’s to hoping this is temporary and that better days are ahead. 🤞

Hey so I have felt like Lamotrigine has been making me feel less like myself and way more anxious. I didn’t feel too bad at 25mg but it went downhill from there tbh.

I haven’t taken it for 2-3 days now and feel a lot better. If I just don’t take it anymore is it going to be all good? Or do I need to jump back on at a lower dose and taper? I’ve just read some posts about jumping off it cold turkey and dying. Would rather not die tbh.

Cheers.

So, I was recently prescribed Mirtazapine. This was due to my sleep being so poor. Every single noise wakes me up, like I’m constantly hyper-vigilant and worry about people breaking in.

I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and major depression. For that reason I’m on Vyvanse, Lamotrigine, Clonidine for sleep and now Mirtazapine. Initially I only used Clonidine but it only lasted for 1-2 hours then I’m awake again.

Anyway, I keep blabbing on, I was told to take 7.5mg at night time, the doc said the lower the dose the more sedating for sleep it will be, the higher dose is more catered towards anxiety / depression and doesn’t make you sleepy.

So I was hopeful I’d have a good sleep. I had a great sleep, so much so that when I got up to go to work I still thought I was asleep. I drove to work feeling like I was in a dream and could barely keep my eyes open. I had to sleep for like 30 mins in the parking lot before going into work.

All day I felt absolutely out of it, slow, brain fog. Completely and utterly not with it. I thought at the 10-12 hour mark it would wear off but no. I was cooked all day, I went to bed at like 5pm when I got home.

Does it get better the longer you take it? I stopped taking it after the first night because I’m worried about being comatose at work. Any hints? Tips?

I started some new temps in an investigation, plain clothes unit. I was honestly so excited, but everyone in there is so cliquey, I’m having to introduce myself to everyone and no one seems to care I’m even there. I thought I’d get some kind of training but I’ve just been chucked in the deep end and had no one help, even though I’ve asked. I’m trying to figure out how to do quality, higher court briefs. I’ve asked several times for someone to just send me an example so I can just see how it’s put together, but no one has. It’s like everything is a competition, I’m honestly just trying to learn, I enjoy investigation and piecing things together. I don’t care about putting in for a job at this stage, I’m just finding my feet and am eager to construct bigger investigations.

On top of that. I had to do some jobs, driving around to some places for evidence gathering. I was working with someone who legitimately doesn’t give a fuck. They drove their mate to a party at a location that was ages away, during shift while I was in the car and wanting to do work. The next day they were late and hungover. They text and go on social media on their phone while they’re driving, getting close to rear ending other cars. They wouldn’t come out with me for some jobs I needed to do in a dangerous area. And then they went out again by themselves and dropped a mate off somewhere. They’re also cocky af and they’re doing temps just like me, just have been for a longer period of time. I don’t want to say anything because I’m new and don’t want the team in there to think I’m a snitch. I honestly don’t care what they do when they’re not working with me. I just want to do the work. I’m legitimately there because I enjoy it and want to gain experience.

I just feel like the experience so far has been unprofessional as fuck. I’m there to work and learn. I love it. This has been such a bummer so far.

Here I am, Sunday night, looking forward to my show. Turn the TV on, switch on Stan and head on into the From Series. But alas, as I scroll down to see a new episode, it’s non existent. I scroll back up and see “on hiatus until the 31st of May.”. 😖 why, I was so keen 😭

Is this movie worth the watch? It’s currently listed on Apple TV to buy for 29.99 (AUD)? Or rent for 24.99. Should I wait for it to lower in price or until it moves onto a streaming platform? I was pretty keen to watch this movie but the trailer makes it seem more like a gimmicky action film with very loose horror themes (I’m a bit of a horror buff but not averse to an action film).

Opinions appreciated!

Do you guys feel like Lamotrigine masks the effects of your adhd meds? I’ve been on 60 mg IR MP and don’t really feel anything, but I have in the past. Not asking for medical advice just wondering about other people’s experience.