You can look at some of my previous posts. I struggle with narcissist parents (who probably also have cluster b personality disorders). The trauma is extensive, ongoing, and my memory is shitty about it all. I have trouble remembering specific incidents as there are so many, abuse, neglect etc.
Talk therapy does not work. I have an appointment to try ART therapy- advanced resolution therapy. But am open to any forms. What worked for you?
On my journey to healing from past childhood trauma and current trauma, I am trying to diagnose my parents in order to gain a deeper understanding of what exactly I’m working with and how to heal.
Symptoms for dad (main trauma source):
-Narcissist
-Projects himself onto others and is convinced everyone is self centered and motivated only by their self interests like himself
- 180 degree shifts, I'm the favorite child and perfect until I am an asshole, idiot, selfish, horrible mother and wife etc etc
-horrific anger, 0-100 instantly with anyone who disagrees with him
-has a perfect facade for in public
-awful relationship with my mom, same hot and cold, loves her then threatens divorce and to khms
- overreacts / situation or conversation in no way merits response
-cannot comprehend how his actions affect others, often acts like nothing happened, zero accountability
-will say ANYTHING to hurt me no matter how
vile
-when relationship is good will tell me he loves
me the most of his children, love bomb, tell me we have a special bond, always shows up, always offers support, perfect (almost) father
-will rewrite his memory to fit a narrative
Traits/symptoms of mom:
-often sides with dad during argument
-seems brainwashed into his way of thinking
-cannot take accountability
-always prioritizes how things affect her
instead of others (I went without so you could
have ...)
-craves drama and chaos
-no ability to change at this point
It sounds like all cluster B to me. Maybe BPD, bipolar, idk. Sounds like a larger combination? Mom sounds like she’s the product of 25 years in a shitty environment. I wonder how she’d have turned out in a healthy relationship, but here we are.
I feel like my brain just tries to protect me from the trauma but it causes me to just act like nothing happened and the cycle just continues.
I genuinely can’t see cutting my parents off. They’re so involved in my 4 kids life, they visit a couple times a week, go to school and sporting events, babysit once ish a month and occasionally sleepovers. they love them and me, and went it’s good it’s great and I love them and are so thankful for them. But when it’s bad I literally can’t believe the things that come out of their mouth about their child (me). They shine it on and support me when our relationship is good, and then explode when I trigger them saying things like “your house is dirty CPS will come, I’m selfish, everything is about me, I don’t parent my kids, I overwork my husband, how I didn’t deserve to go on a 4 day trip for my 30th birthday because I’m a mother, how when I left home at 17 for a few months because of severe abuse and neglect to the point where I tried to unalive myself twice I was awful to put them through that and how they cried every night it was like I died, how much of a burden I am to my husband, it goes on and on”
The trigger this time: Me asking to take my husband for a 4 day trip for his 30th birthday in a couple months. This would be in conjunction with help from my sister and in-laws. The kids would be at camp and daycare during the day. (8-4ish).
I’m tired yall. And I’m so confused why my parents are like this. And why I keep coming back.