AITA for cutting ties with my best friend?
I 30F, have known Hannah 31F for about 15 years, and have been best friends with her for 11 years. We have been through some pretty rough times together. Wether it was about guys, family, our other freinds, and just about everything else between. We always had eachother's backs. No matter what. Or so I thought.
See, a few years back I was in a really bad place in life. Living out of my broken car, barely survived on my checks, constantly getting sick, and have to train my body to not have to use the restroom after 630pm till 7am when the local fastfood place opened up. My uncle found out after me living like this for about a year and a half before he said enough and had me move in with him and his family. I tried hard to keep what was going on under wraps, especially how it really was affecting my mental health from just about everyone. Except for Hannah, everyone thought I was okay, and living in a small room at a hotel till I got back on my feet. So to them, I was safe. I couldn't live with Hannah as she lives with her mother who needs help due to medical issues she's had for years.
We did joke and dream a bit together over the years. I came to accept that I would be single for the rest of my life, no husband or wife, no kids if my own. So we made plans that I would be her children's godmother, and I would live in a granny flat, or have a wing of a big home to myself. I would be that cool aunt that the kids got to see around every week because I was right there. Keep in mind this was all hypothetical, she doesn't have a husband, nor kids. We were living in a 'perfect world' when we talked about this stuff. Ever person she dated after that point, they were told about these 'plans'. At first I thought it was funny, kinda cute. But then over time, I could hear the trumpets playing. Barely noticed at first then as it grew, I ignored the red flags popping up.
Fast forward to about 2 years ago. I decided to try dating again. I thought I was feeling these vibes from someone that ended up not being what I thought they were. No big deal, but the moment I said I wanted to try to date again, Hannah became... different. A bit colder, shorter with me. More defensive, and didn't talk to me much. I marked it up as stress from school, and her dating life, plus she'sbeen fightingwith her mom alot too.
A little over a year ago I started talking to this guy. Tbh, I never had someone who clicked with me like that on a romantic level ever. And I mean ever. Lol. We got close and over the year we started seeing eachother, finding out that we're falling hard for eachother. We are currently looking for a
Place together. We had the long hard talks, the biggest regret speeches, described our lifes from the past, current, and wishes for the future. I was, and am, in love with this man deeply and truly.
When I told Hannah this, she said how great that is. But, that it would probably only be temporary because I needed to think about me being the future godmother for her future babies. She started pointing at things that she thought were red flags. Keep in mind this girl can't hold on to a relationship for more than a year, maximum. She tries to change every person she dates into someone they're not. She persists in her ways to try to make me have doubts about my relationship.
Fast forward and Im making plans for my 30th about 4 to 5 months out. I wanted to go on a trip to Texas. It was going to be about 5 days long in total. Day one, get to the hotel and chill. Day two through the fourth, going to the amusement park. Day five, being lazy and heading home late in the afternoon. Hannah loved this idea. Ever part of it. Even the park where I said my boyfriend and sister was going with us. I was honestly really relieved, considering the gact that she didn'tseem to like him at all.
About 2 months before the trip, she was having some financial troubles and told me she wasn't gonna make it. I was bummed, and told her if things change to let me know. We would continue to talk and I would check in on the idea if her possibly going if I covered for everything but her food and tickets. She was still on the fence but sounded pretty optimistic about being able to go. About 3 weeks before the trip, I let Hannah know that I needed to know 5 days in advance at most if she was down or not. I then let her know that my family would be going as well. In total it would be 7 of us, including Hannah. She told me to go ahead and plan without her. So I did. I turned day one into a date, and got us our own room for the first night.
3 days before the trip, she calls all excited asking me if I was ready for our adventure. Letting me know that she can finally go on the trip and can pay for tickets. I told her I changed the plans for a group of 6 instead of 7 since she told me she wasn't gonna make it. Hannah then got mad at me saying that I didn't need to change anything. Right after that, she puts me on speaker, telling her mom that she's not going because I changed things. Her mom started to get mad because Hannah gave her the impression that I made sure Hannah was going one way or another.
I spoke it over with my boyfriend and he told me I may regret not letting her go, because she is so important to me. So, I ended up saying yes, even though I really shouldn't have. I scrambled to get another room for the first night, as we all would share a room to save on costs for the next 4 nights after.
The day comes and I drive up to get Hannah and my boyfriend because my car has the best gas mileage. The vibes were cold, the trumpets were at there loudest, and my gut was telling me to leave her at home. I should've listened.
Over the corse of the next 4 days she would complain about the hotels, calling and texting her mom to make fun of that fact I can'taffordthe best accommodations. Tell me im a drunk for wanting to have 1 beer the entire day. Or if I wanted to get high for couple hours for my pain. My body doesn't process some medications properly and can easily make me feel sick. Gummies doesn't have that kind of effect on me. She would find was to take control over the trip and even tried to play chicken with my boyfriend. She's done this in the past in another one of my relationshis and that guy folded like paper. I'm still a recovering people pleaser, and I felt like I had to constantly find a way to make her happy while trying to find time to spend my birthday with my family and time with my best friend and boyfriend. Who by the way, stepped in whenever he could to help take care of my family and me.
She would be walking off and go wherever without telling anyone, never told me about her back pain and how she wasn't going to go on any rides except just a small handful of rides till after we go to the park. When it came to the birthday dinner, I asked her to wait to order and eat till my family came to sit with us. They were only about 5 minutes away. She told me it's isn't her fault that they are so f-ing slow. My Step-Dad and youngest sister are handicapped, so sometimes it takes them a few extra minutes to catchup. She was done eating before anyone arrived, and spent the rest of that time on her phone, not engaging with the group. I did have a good time with my family, but it was also shadowed by the fact that I was trying too hard to please everyone and started to forget about myself.
On our last night is what truly broke me. My two sisters and my boyfriend wanted to do one last ride before the park closed, and so did I. Hannh knew that we wouldn't be more than 20 minutes in the line and on the ride because how short the lines were before closing. Our hotel wasn't far from the park and she being 6 feet and something inches tall, with enough muscle to knock down a few people, we knew Hannah should be safe. Plus our hotel sat on the city streets. She told us she was going to head back on her own, I asked if her back was okay and she needed help. She told me no and that she was simply that tired. After some persuading, I let her go by herself and we went to our ride. Next thing I know my phone is blowing up. And she decides to get a ride back home at 12am in an Uber. This is extremely out of character for her and it sends me overboard. I break down in full panic in the hallway of the ride exit not knowing what to do. She isn't picking up her phone, not a single text letting me know she got home safe and alive. I had to bomb her mother's phone at up to 2am to know she is okay. I hear from Hannah's mom that I was rude and disrespected her.
Since then I texted her letting her know that my door will always be open to talk about what happened. That our friendship shouldn't be thrown away over stupid things, especially an extended weekend trip. Never heard a word from her about it. It has been over 4 months since we last spoke, and after looking back and everything in the past with clearer eyes, I don't think we can fix our friendship. AITA for wanting to cut ties with my best friend?