u/Dizzy-Captain7422

Ya girl needs them because reasons. I'm mostly a 2nd/3rd wave fan. Thanks y'all.

I was recently left by my fiancee and I am definitely in a dark place right now. We were together for about a year and had our future planned. To say that the breakup blindsided me would be a severe understatement. I thought I had finally found a safe person who truly accepted me and loved me for who I am.

I don't know where to go from here. I really just want her back more than anything, and I'm terrified that I'm going to die alone. I'm 42, neurodivergent, soft butch/masc, pretty nerdy and honestly not a looker. Is there any hope for me? I don't even know what I'm doing with this post, looking for comfort? A shred of reassurance? All I know is that I'm hurting really badly and I just want my girl back.

It happened on Saturday. We were long distance and I was going to fly to see her this Thursday. We had made so many plans for the future and now I feel like that future has collapsed into nothingness.

I genuinely don't know how to face the world. I can't carry this pain. I've been hurt so much in my life, and I felt like I had finally found my person, the one who truly saw and accepted me and loved me for who I am. Now that she's gone, it feels like my heart is gone with her.

Our relationship wasn't perfect. We both had flaws like anyone else does. I truly believed that we could work through them together though. The breakup wasn't angry. No one did anything wrong and we both still love each other.

I just don't know how to survive this.

I need somewhere for these feelings to exist outside my own head, because they are so large and tangled I feel like I'm drowning in them.

I miss you so terribly.

I miss your voice at night. I miss hearing you tell me you loved me over and over before we signed off for the night and I went to sleep. I miss being your knight and calling you my princess, my treasure, my precious girl. I miss the little world we built together. It felt like a refuge to me. It felt like stepping into the sun after living in darkness for a very long time.

I need you to know that was all so very real to me. I know it was for you too.

That's why this hurts so much. I truly believed in us. Not because I thought we were perfect, or the relationship was perfect, but because what we had was worth fighting for. I know we sometimes activated each other's wounds. I know my RSD hurt you sometimes, even though I was trying so hard to work on it, and had made so much progress. I know you were struggling with fears and self-loathing that made it hard for you to stay connected to everything good about us.

Even with all that, I still believed we could heal together if we just kept walking this road hand in hand. That's the hardest thing for me to accept: that I was willing to keep walking, and you no longer could.

I don't hate you for that. How could I? I love you more than words could possibly express. I don't think you're evil or heartless, or that you tried to manipulate me. I think you're deeply hurt. I think you became overwhelmed and afraid. I think some part of you truly believed leaving was the only way to stop hurting us both.

But God, I wish it had gone differently. I wish the fear had not won. I wish you could have seen yourself the way I see you. I wish you could have believed that you are lovable and worthy of the future we were building together.

You once told me that with me, you could do anything. I felt the same way about you. Loving you made the world feel warmer and less frightening. I felt safe with you in a way I have never experienced before. I felt seen, and I know you know how important that is to me. And now I'm grieving you and the future I thought we were walking into together.

Part of me still hopes that someday you could find your way back to me. I don't know if that hope is foolish. I just know it's there. I know I still love you so deeply, so very deeply. I always will. Always and forever.

I hope you can see that you were never unlovable to me. Not even for one second. I accepted you completely, without reservations.

Love always,

Your knight

My fiancée left me about twelve hours ago. I love this woman beyond words. She was my future wife, the other half of my heart. Now I'm left with this horrible empty feeling. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't stop crying. All I can do is think about how much I long for her. I'm looking at our engagement ring on my side table and it just hurts so much.

We met on here about a year ago. We are both neurodivergent and it felt like we understood each other on an intrinsic level that I've never experienced before. Our relationship was like a dream. She was so kind, caring and gentle with me, so accepting and apparently wanted all the same things I did. I'm so blindsided by this.

About two weeks ago, I had a health scare and her chronic illness took a negative turn. May 11th was the anniversary of my beloved father's death, and now this happens. I was set to go visit her on Thursday. Had the plane ticket and reservations to a nice AirBNB and I was walking on air. But last night she ended things. She told me that it wasn't me, it was her, and she wasn't cruel, but the end result was the same.

The fact is that everyone I've ever loved has abandoned me, and I realize now that I am fundamentally unlovable. I don't know how to move forward without her. I love her so much and this hurts more than I thought possible. I don't even know why I'm posting this here. I guess I just need some hope, some reason to believe I can have the happiness I've always longed for.