u/DogAccomplished8685

How has your legal situation affected your beliefs in God, a higher power, etc? Are you religious now, and were you religious prior to getting into legal trouble? How has your sense of spirituality been affected? Has it gotten stronger or weaker?

I was raised in a Catholic and Southern Baptist family, and religion was a big part of my life growing up. I began to question things heavy as a teenager even before getting into legal trouble in my early 20s. I lost my dad at 12 and my mom dealt with substance abuse, but I came to believe that God causes everything to happen for a reason and all that stuff. My family didn’t like that I was heavily interested in Buddhism and other eastern beliefs.

I think initially in jail and directly after getting out I was very faithful and stayed believing in God. I went to mass on a regular basis and kept going in this way. Now that some time has passed and I still struggle to find employment and deal with social stigma around being a felon, my faith in the Christian God has changed quite a bit. I got a misdemeanor and a felony in the midst of a bipolar manic episode, and now my life has forever changed. In the state I live in there are no expungements for violent felonies such as mine. I was never in any legal trouble before, even graduated college a year early, although my degree isn’t helping now with my criminal record in the picture. Before all this I was living alone, working in my field (psychology), etc. I am now stable and medicated and in therapy for my anger issues. I do have a small income from tutoring which is enough to cover my car expenses and help my mom on bills while living with her. Recently I quit my job to begin working at a new and better paying one where I was honest about my criminal record on the application. Today I got a call back after being onboarded and completing orientation that I would not be able to be hired because of my record. Not that the Christian God MADE me do a crime, but it’s crazy that my life feels ruined now because of a mistake I made due to having bipolar disorder. I’ve been looking at CDL school and trades for the past few months to deal with the employment situation. At the time I went to jail I was in therapy and taking all medication as prescribed. If this God allows countless evils in the criminal justice system, war crimes, starvation, slavery, genocide, etc, I’m not sure I can believe anymore.

I’m not sure what to believe or how to feel. Everyone around me is Christian but I don’t think I can truly call myself one anymore, so it’s really isolating. When I speak to my loved ones about how I feel, they continuously direct me to prayer