u/Dorichowder

I'm lowkey poor. I earn 33 bucks per month {don't ask I beg u}, and hairdressers ask for 65-78 dollars for a wolfcut haircut {and my stepgrandad was complaining about him paying SEVEN BUCKS for getting his whole head bald. Fckin God🙄}. SO... In my tired brain a thought came: theres a youtube tutorials, you got two hairdresser certificates {not on haircuts but fck it}, DO A WOLFCUT YOURSELF.

But then I got more thoughts, as an anxious person will do, so... May anyone... Idk talk about my impulsive thought?

Тут только немного крови и пара сломанных зубов, поэтому просто посетила как NSFW но не стввила флаер шок-контента. Это не содержание "американского психопата", sheesh.

[Голосом Таноса] Отдохну наконец...

Or maybe sleep deprevation finally getting me....

I cleaned about two weeks ago and now I gotta dust it off again. 🫩

I don't mind lesbians. You girls are cool. But am I the only one who thinks that whenever a person orientation labled by the way the dress is NOT COOL. I even think that it's homophbic and sexism.

Two guys/gals called me insecure, and lashings for nothig, making excuses an "fishing"? BITCH WHAT? You know how lesbians feel when moids saying shit like "every woman is lesbian after break up until another d*ck"? I felt as if I got addressed with stuff like that. I felt uncomfortable, confused, awkward, and weird.

The claim on me "fishing". Fishing for WHAT?! I came in bloody sub expecting hear of aesthetic and I surely WAS NOT expecting connect sexual orientation to clothing. I said that I don't wear femenine clothes because I can't. I dont have a body for it. I'm a damn abomination. I CAN'T wear feminine clothes because I do not look like some ten out of ten stacy. If I would look like stacy I'd wear girly clothes gladly. I don't wear feminine clothes because my teeth crooked, nose is a snout, wide ribcage, I'm short, I'm pale as if im in disease or lines with veins all over the fat saggy body. I went fishing to what to be exact? I can't with all this! The hell is wrong with me not being comfortable getting those constant "lesbian", "lesbian", and getting downvoted for sharing my discomfort on getting addressed with orientation that I am NOT? Is there any other how people might call the way I dress EXPECT "lesbian"?

Some claimed that I was looking for certain response because I "didn't like anything" BECAUSE IT'S ALL "LESBIAN" OR "BUTCH". AND I REALLY EXPECTED ANY ANSWER BUT NOT A SEXUAL/ROMANTIC ORIENTATION.

And I got downwoted for voicing out my confusion?! БЛЯТЬ?! I'm autistic can ANYONE explain to me with saying I'm hetero?! Ok! Maybe thenadvise on how do I not dress as a lesbian? I don't wanna be thought of as a lesbian because I am not. Yet I once received words directly to my face that I "don't deserve and shouldn't be allowed to be a female and should change gender". So I aren't allowed to be dressed femenine, yet if I aren't dressed as femenine people think of me as a lesbian.

I am NOT criticizing opinions of people who wrote comments under my post, I just don't understand why anyone could gimme advise on how to NOT look as a lesbian. Because I wanna be seen as a straight cis woman. Is that a bad thing to wish for? I wasn't feeling like I'm even passing as a female while being a cis female, now I also find out that I am also ain't passing in my own sexuality.

I just sitting and crying now in self hate and confusion. Lesbians you're cool, because you born this way not because you dressed in certain way. I also adding pictures of the way I dress.

The title is literally a blending of all I heard towards ONE female protagonist in just few hours. God, they so hysterical when they see AVERAGE woman and not a stacy/OF model that's just a main protagonist trophy.

Контекст: 15го мая усыпили мою кошку с онкологией, которая быстро поплохела от него, и мы заплатили за индивидуальную кремацию.

Но вот проблема. Сегодня 31ое мая. Моя мама позвонила чтобы спросить за то почему нам не звонят с уведомлением о том чтобы забрать еë прах. По итогу звонок кончился тем что мама мне сообщила что "нашу кошку увезли в соседний город". И теперь я, отошедшая спустя час от недоумения, хочу спросить:У КОГО-НИБУДЬ ПРОИСХОДИЛО ТАКОЕ?

Контекст: 15го мая усыпили мою кошку с онкологией, которая быстро поплохела от него, и мы заплатили за индивидуальную кремацию.

Но вот проблема. Сегодня 31ое мая. Моя мама позвонила чтобы спросить за то почему нам не звонят с уведомлением о том чтобы забрать еë прах. По итогу звонок кончился тем что мама мне сообщила что "нашу кошку увезли в соседний город". И теперь я, отошедшая спустя час от недоумения, хочу спросить:У КОГО-НИБУДЬ ПРОИСХОДИЛО ТАКОЕ?

I'm a girl who was born in the beginning of glorious y2k {I was born in summer of 2002}.

We got The Missing Link from "Monsters vs. Aliens", Sheldon from MLAATR, Jake Long, Tulio and Miguel, Timon from "The Lion King", Marty from "Madagascar", and Krosh from "Smeshariki".

I love myself in drawings, it is only where I feel cute and pretty.

Be prepared... Long post ahead.

Recent month, I was deeply in the femcel subs, hating dumb things incels and moids do. I felt safe and comfot. But since today morning I feel... Strange.

I saw a girl made a post calling "average" and "pretty" girls in femcel sub as larpers and many other words that made me kinda upset. Saying that they do not belong in here. How happens that in many various communities that I saw people are still sometimes hating and fighting with each other? Artists, feminists, fandoms, moids. Aren't the people in such got same believes, views, likes? Aren't they should support each other? I know that each person is individual, but still. Yet it is not a main point of a post...

I'm AuDHD. Kinda crooked teeth, 5'2" and weight constantly jumping between 65 and 60 kg, cellulite, stretch marks, saggy booba, scars on stomach, and I don't know what of a nose, kinda flappy arms.

And... I- ah... I don't know why. Couple of girls called me pretty. But... I am not? I don't understand and I am confused. One fucking moid also called me "datable", probably expecting that I'll travel across world to pray on him. Fucker...

How can I be beautiful and pretty when I had so many bad things in life?!

+I had no friends in kindergarten, there was only one weird girl wishing to play with me {I actually hated to play with her, because she always took roles of princesses while forcing me to play princes {and I was super into feminine things}.

+At school I started to went through bullying after transferring mid second grade. I was bullied for nine years and often called ugly and retarded by boys who bullied me, same was by some girls and some teachers but in softer manner of words. Teachers are also often compared me to other girls in many aspects, praising them and lowering me. I choose to leave school after nine grades, for college.

+In college the bullying didn't stopped. I was bullied by two guys, one girl, ignored by many, sometimes praised by teachers, and ONE boy got obsessed with me. But he seems to was only desperate to bang me and then leave.

+And finally, as I entioned in one of my posts here... I was 🍇ed smwhen at age below six and almost SA'd at age nine.

And now I am asking... Why do people who call me "beautiful" are lying? Not to mention that I am sure that men who give complements are just hoping that I'm desperate for men attention and will do anything to them in return. This is a common practice for some moids! Settle for a less, or just manipulate an ugly gal to think he loves her, and then dump after loosing v-card or having a free fuck!

When I was struggling as a child, my late meemaw was saying to me: that "ugly duckling will always becomes a swan" and that one day I'll be so beautiful, that everyone who hurt me will jealous. Yet here I am in my almost 24. I dreamed of getting married on man who will be like a knight in shining armor, with whom I'll live happily. And nowadays I see my ex-classmate girls {ones who weren't bullying me, but we're ignorant of all that happening to me} being married for about three years now, while I date only two boys with whom I break up due to feeling nothing twoards them. Only two men gave me normal treatment through my whole life. I'm sad, lonely, and {In some moids opinion} old. I loved meemaw so much, but why she filled me with false hopes.

And now we getting to the start of post: one girl said that "pretty girls are not allowed to be femcels". But I am struggling to find love aren't I? Not just treatment as twoards piece of meat or something to diverse from hand or fl3shlight for one-time, but a genuine love. I saw how ACTUALLY beautiful girls {I can even name example if u ask} getting treated and getting zero insults or humiliation. While I posted couple of my pics in some looks ranking sub, and got few comments of me being pretty with some ranking me as a mid, and about four with insults. Calling me "fucking fаtso", "fаtass with round mug", and one girl calling me "a convenient store cashier type" as a mock.

I am confused so much. I am not looking like conventionally attractive girls, but getting called "datable", yet getting called ugly? I don't understand!

I am so lost and confused.

Just in case, don't worry! I feel okay about that. Yes it is bad, but it happened when I was probably younger than six, and currently I'm 23 turning 24 in August. Yes, it is an awful thing that happend. But I managed to get myself sort of self help throught "The Lovely Bones" novel and story of an author behind the creation of it. Alice Sebold was assaulted and 🍇ed as university freshmanfreshman, and during the investigation of it she find out during a conversation with a police officer that before Alice there was another girl that got 🍇in the same location. But unfortunately the girl that was before Alice got murd3red. And that was something that helped me to overcome - I survived. Despite this event being traumatic - I survived.

Btw the pic says "Rome wasn't build in the day. As much as mine internet status of a complete idiot".

Whenever I look at Sissy Spacek as Carrie. I do believe that she was bullied. I've gone through nine years of being a bullying victim at school {I have choose to left after ninth grade} and three years out of four of bullying at college, and I heard and saw how girls that are praised and popular by boys, girls, and other peoplellook and act. And Sissy is perfect in both acting and looks. Don't get me wrong, Spacek is adorable. Especially when she smiles, and that is why the moment when Carrie's being appreciated at school prom hits me even harder gets ruined by bucket of pig blood getting spilled at her and poor thing gets thinking that everyone is mocking at her. But Sissy is NOT conventionally attractive. And that is what makes her different from... Sigh... Carrie actresses in 2013 and 2026.

It feels like cast directors's knowledge about bullied girls ends with "hmm, it's probably just a lil bit shy silent girl🤷‍♂️" AND THAT IS ALL. THE GIRLS ON SECOND AND THIRD PHOTOS - CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE. Not even by just couple of moids opinions but even by patriarchy beauty standards and MANY moids. Even if girls with such looks and would act all shy and introverted - they would be considered sweet and cute. If girls like that will be abused at home - they will get sympathy and not more bullying. BECAUSE THEY ATTRACTIVE.

It feels like Brian de Palma was only one aware of how actual outsider girls act and look like.

Ещё мне любопытно. Если вы имеете какую-то мечту/цель и хотите чтобы она выглядела именно так как вы хотите и никак иначе, но в процессе пути к этому вы узнаëте больше и так например многие говорят что "ой, это осуществимо" а другие что "ты по физическим критериям никогда этого не достигнешь". Стоит ли тогда вообще стараться если есть вероятность что результат будет не тем что ты хочешь, и даже близко не таким как ты хотел?