u/Double-Donkey220

I'm 18, and I feel lost. I failed a year of high school, and now I'm likely to fail again. In Croatia, high school timelines are a bit different. I should finish by 18 or 19, but I'll probably graduate at 20 or 21. I haven't been to school in months, and I'm going to get kicked out again unless I study, but I can't. For two years, l've been scrolling on my phone all day, avoiding everything. My dad has no idea I failed, he thinks I'm doing great. My mom, even though she loves me, is really irresponsible. Shes a very specific person, and she swings fast between moods, but still, she tells me every day to end it and beats the shit out of me at least twice a week. My younger brother does the same. I have nowhere to go, and I don't want to get out of bed. I can't study, I can't move. I just needed to say this somewhere. I feel empty. Irl im very beautiful, nice girl, so people assume I have a social life, but inside I feel invisible. I don't see myself as beautiful, but my looks hide how isolated I am.
Before I had motivation to at least fantasise about a life I want or I used to study things not related to school...but now I don't see a future for myself. I think I completely sabotaged myself.
I am too scared of ending it and I know its gonna forever ruin my family but
I just don't know how to keep going.

I want to start taking my education seriously now that I am 18. I am an orphan, and I grew up in an orphanage where I was raised by caretakers. I was never adopted because my parents would take me back at different points during my childhood.
Despite everything, I was always one of the smarter kids there and did fairly well in middle school. I didn’t have perfect grades, but I did well considering my situation. However, after 8th grade, things started to get worse. In high school, I failed a year and had to repeat it. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to finish it the second time either, so I transferred to a vocational school for cooks, which is an option in Croatia.
Now I am in my final year of culinary school. Because I completed a 3-year program, I cannot directly apply to university. My plan is to pay for an additional year so I can qualify for college.
I am now starting to discover things like literature, books, movies, and music. I missed out on a lot during my childhood because I was focused on the wrong things and made some bad decisions.(alcohol, drugs)
What I really want to know is whether it is possible to catch up on everything I missed. I want to become an educated and knowledgeable person. My dream is to become a doctor, even though I understand that it may be very difficult to achieve.
This text was written with the help of ChatGPT because my English is still not very good.