Suffering as a student and don't know what to do
Hey I'm 18 This year and I have given my 12th boards on which I'm sure I'm gonna fail as waiting for result must be out in 2-3 days ...2 years ago in 10th I scored 80% and my father reaction was worst at that as I'm girl so must be expected 90+ but unfortunately....so after that I plan on doing btech and started jee preparation as after joining offline and online and being depressed I quit offline but after that I became more and more depressed person I leave my studies entirely I do cheating on my 11th exams nd got passing masks nd failed in both jee attempt and next in so 12th...
As I have no other path so I say to my parents I want drop for preparing jee as I got 46 percentile by chance but now also I doing nothing nd only panicking and being anxious about my 12th result and parents reaction in extremely way...and for tell you I just want to give up on my life ... I don't find a single reason to live if sometime I think of being out of this misery and try but I failed and it's not easy to handleu anxiety and panic even my left and vibrate so much and it's pain my nerves to heart I don't even have single friend because of my strict family and I am saying it seriously so I don't know who to talk and explain and I'm not on good terms with my parents specially with my father... I'm suffering from childhood trauma as my family is middle class with many financial and materialistic issues they are so toxic and they are emotionally manipulator I know I shouldn't talk to about my parents like this they are one of the biggest support I have but I am here for solution so please can anyone help me I know no one can tell you what to do but can anyone tell me what to do