u/Double-Tradition413

I have a 19 year old who lives with a coparent. When he spent time with us, he got his first job at 18 years old, but then the other parent threatened to sell his car that he was holding onto for him if he didn’t come back and live with his him.

Dad’s house is a paradise. Incredible gaming room with huge flat screen TV. Amazing desktop gaming set up. this was very intentional. It was always a competition for my ex to make his house the most fun place to be for my kid.

There has always been little to no expectations to help around the house.

They pay gas and they pay insurance. There always seems to be money for new hobbies for my kid.

When he’s with us, I have always focused on parenting him in a way that gives him strength and confidence.

I do not hand things to him. He has to earn them. Because of this, he has experience putting insulation into the floors of the house, demolition on the kitchen, sanding, drywall, and painting because we’re remodeling an old house we bought.

When he had his first job, he never missed a day and was never late. He started out as a dishwasher And they ended up moving him up to line cook Within two months. He was walking taller and more confident.

He’s back with his dad and step mom And he hasn’t worked since. He’s finishing up a quarter of community college, without much focus or direction on what to do next.

I have seen my friend’s kids just stagnate in the households where the parent was passive. One of my friends has a 20-year-old who’s never had a job. I know of the circumstance in other households as well.

It’s just made me wonder what happens to these kids if they just don’t try this early in life?

It was so different for us. We were all smoking cigarettes and drinking beer so we had to have money for that. I’m grateful he’s not doing that, But I see now that it gave us this odd motivation in life to always be out and to always be earning money. We were always looking for the next thing.

Again, glad he’s not smoking and drinking.

But everyone I knew got a job By 16 years old. Just nobody questioned it.

I’m just wondering, is anybody else seeing this in their own kids? And have you seen the outcome for a young person who’s just so well taken care of in their early adult years that they have no motivation To become an adult?

Edit:

When I put this post up last night, it was on a whim. I feel like I got lucky posting an advice request on Xennials subreddit. You all have a lot of good perspective. Thank you for your feedback. it actually gives me the impression that our generation has ended up doing just fine on the whole as far as our world views.

I’m feeling a lot more optimistic, partially because some of the comments here led me to having a conversation with him last night that I think was uplifting for both of us.

Thank you again to the commenter who suggested that I look at the book the “courage to be disliked”. I plan to get that and read it. It sounds very interesting.

I just wanted to thank everybody in general for their comments. Even the negative ones gave me pause and insight into how painful this economy is for so many people. My heart hurts for some of us in our generation who still haven’t found stability or have had it and lost it. My compassion runs deep for you because I know it can happen to any of us.

Take care of yourselves.

Sincerely,

A mom just trying to figure this shit out.