u/Doubtfulcoconut

I am currently a teacher at a private school making 12k a year, with no benefits and on Medicaid. I recently got accepted into the nursing program at a nearby community college. If I decide to become an RN, I would be making at least 50k with benefits and insurance included. I also qualify for a lot of aid, so the school/government would basically be paying me to go to school on top of covering all the costs.

My only dilemma is that I’m good at teaching, I love the subject I teach, and I love the people I work with. What if I’m a crappy nurse? I’ve never been a big science or math person (although don’t get me wrong I can definitely do it, I finished high school with a 4.2 GPA and got into this competitive program so I’m not worried about my capabilities). I’ve just always leaned more towards English and grammar.

I also have a 18m old daughter. Nursing school would take a lot of time away from her.

I like the idea of being able to have a fulfilling job, solid income, and job security. Throughout my pregnancy, my appreciation and interest in people in the medical field grew a lot and I started wondering if it was something I would want to do.

I guess I’m just worried about the change? And the stress I know I’ll be under? What do y’all think? I’m also curious specifically about if anyone has been through a rigorous program with a small child and how that looked for you?

I'm not sure where else to post this. My heart and mind feel heavy today, and I just need to get my thoughts out somewhere.

Let me start by saying, I love my life. I love my toddler, my partner, the home we've built together, and my job. It just doesn't look like how I envisioned it, and that's ok. But just a few years ago, I was in college pursuing an English degree with a concentration in Creative Writing, with an internship lined up in Ireland to be a Grant Writer. Now, I'm an English teacher at a private school, but I'm pursuing a degree in Nursing for financial stability (because I make less than my sister makes at Starbucks, and with no benefits).

I feel like all my mental energy goes into parenting, teaching, college work, and maintaining my household. This leaves me with little capacity to do the things I used to enjoy, like reading and writing. I miss being around like-minded people, attending writing workshops, and discussing novels with people who are passionate about the topics.

I'll admit, I chose Nursing because I want to be able to provide for my family and set myself up financially for the future. But it doesn't give me the same kind of happiness that I used to feel when I was in school.

My partner and I are living in a little county, where we are on track to buy a nice house with land for farming. But the school system our daughter would be in is terrible, so I feel like she'll be academically stunted if we stay here. I want her to have the same kind of opportunities I did when I was in school. I miss living in a bigger city. My high school was ultra competitive and gave me so many different opportunities to join all kinds of clubs and teams and partnerships within the community. I miss that kind of environment. Where I'm at now, everyone is just concerned with keeping to themselves and getting by in their own bubble.

I don't even recognize myself anymore. I feel so dull, like I've lost the sparkle in my eyes. The sparkles have been replaced with to-do lists in the name of practicality.

At the same time, I feel so blessed to have the house that we live in, and the support from everyone around me so that I can make it through nursing school while also working-- I know that not a lot of mothers with toddlers get this option.

I just feel so sad and life feels so grey and the only thing that makes me happy is my baby. I miss the version of myself that felt excited for the future and a sense of wonder about the world around her.