u/DouglasGullett

I spent six years working on my first novel, and I finally self published it. I wanted this to be a happy post. Part of me is happy. But there’s also a sadness I haven’t really known what to do with.

I have very little family support. Most of my family and I don’t talk anymore, and the last few years have been hard.

When I told my father about my book, he assumed it was AI. I don’t know whether he actually believed that or just wanted to dismiss it, but it hurt. He always called me lazy, and I don’t think he expected me to ever finish the book.

I work hard. I go to work, take care of my responsibilities, and write whenever I have time. There were years of effort behind this book, and I wanted him to see that.

I think part of why I struggle to celebrate is that my achievements have rarely felt like something I was allowed to enjoy. I was even valedictorian in high school, and my father was upset because I didn’t thank him. What should have been a happy memory became another moment where I felt guilty and inadequate.

My mother and I don’t talk either. After she ignored me for over a month, I finally snapped. I’m not proud of how much anger I carry, but being ignored like that leaves you feeling as though your absence wouldn’t even be noticed.

Strangely, some of what I’ve been through has helped me write. It’s shaped how I understand people, hurt, loneliness, and the things we carry around without saying them out loud. I wish things had been different, but I’m glad I’ve been able to turn some of that pain into something meaningful.

I think that’s why I’m posting. I want to feel proud of finishing this. I want to believe that my work counts, even if the people I wanted to share it with don’t care. I’m trying to stop measuring myself by what my parents think of me.

I finished a novel. After six years, through work and everything else, I actually finished it. I’m hoping that saying it out loud will help it sink in.

Until then, I’ll keep writing. I still have stories I want to tell, and I hope one of them eventually makes someone feel understood.

If you’re working toward something that matters to you, please don’t give up just because the people around you don’t value it. I hope you find people who do.

I’m still hoping to find mine.