u/Downtown_Buffalo_167

42 here, in peri for I’m assuming last two years and use of estrogen patch since January has helped SIGNIFICANTLY with brain fog, agitation; and mood. My libido has been shifting downward but I’ve still been excited and interested. BUT For the last few months, I haven’t been able to orgasm. Things feel good, dryness isn’t an issue, it builds and builds and then…. Nothing . It’s like when I was on Lexapro. OR I’m just crying without the explosion and my body is like “oh we’re done now” Has anyone experienced this??? Did estrogen cream or anything else help??

I’m going to try to make this as concise as possible while also leaving out some details. EDITED for clarity

I have been with my partner (M) for about 2.5 years - they are married to their spouse (H) and we all (my spouse included, who we'll call J) began to move towards KTP and integrating me into M's family and M into my family.

While M, J, and I have a wonderful KTP and open dynamic, it has not been the same for me with M and H in their home. They have integrated me into their family in many ways, but me and H never got particularly close. I made effort in the past to form a closer relationship but it’s apparent we are different people with different interests, and different relationship/communication styles. Over the past 2.5 years I have gained acceptance that I would not have a close relationship with H, nor do I necessarily want one, because of how different we are.

Here's the problem: M and I offer each other a lot of emotional support. M has increasingly come to me with information about the problems in their relationship with H and their history. While I was supportive at first, I eventually asked that they stopped sharing things in such depth as I was just trying to form my own relationship with H at the time and all of this information made it difficult. M heard me and respected my boundary and it stopped for a while. Things started getting a lot worse, and in the past year there have been moves towards de-escalation of their relationship. The last 6 months M has been at their wits end and I have offered a lot of emotional support. I did not stick to my boundary and listened to a lot of current and past problems. I’ve learned a lot about how H has been treating M, and H’s overall behavior and values (some of which were things I suspected and went into my decision of not pursuing close relationship).I told M how hearing about all of this impacted me, my own feelings of guilt or fear of being blamed, and my own level of sadness, confusion, as well as anger and resentment towards H.

As this has been going on in M and H's relationship, I have been acutely aware of how me being at the house and involved in family things could bring up discomfort. However, I was assured that H was okay with me being there and their level of avoidance of me in the home was more about them then me. What made this hard to swallow was that I was constantly hearing about H’s relationship patterns and conflict avoidance...so all of the information I had from M plus my limited interactions and observations and my lack of relationship with H, made it difficult to trust that H would acknowledge if they weren’t actually comfortable with me there. M at one point said as much.

That puts me in a very uncomfortable situation.

i asked M if they thought I should approach H to acknowledge the dynamic. M didn’t discourage me but shared some considerations and recent conversations with H. I decided not to approach H and just let it be. H then gave me what I refer to as a drive by statement of acknowledgement shortly after. This felt like a box was checked instead of a genuine acknowledgement or attempt to connect. I have gone back and forth about whether to share my feelings with H, but ultimately decided that I do not have the capacity and want to let things simmer.

Last week I had a long talk with M. I told them I need to take a step back from being at the house and involved in family things; I asked that M not tell me anything about H, as I have nothing nice to say and it just fuels my resentment. I need space to calm down because I have a lot of judgment at his behavior and the information I’m getting. M understands and is very apologetic for putting me in the situation.
As a byproduct, M and I have seen each other less, especially as family obligations have increased this time of year. Honestly - the space feels good. I don’t think I realized just how much my relationship with M felt stressed because of their relationship with H and all I knew. It has helped me relax, process through what has felt so triggering, start to let go of some resentment and see different perspective, and I’m not caught up in the energy of whats happening in the home.

*and listen - I am not dismissing or minimizing the potential discomfort that H may be feeling with me. It sucks and I can have compassion for all of the emotions H might be feeling* I am also aware that their behavior and my experience in the house is very much hitting on a childhood thing of shit being incredibly wrong, me feeling it and calling it out, but being told that everything was fine.

Any perspectives, responses, or support are appreciated. Right now things feel settled but I am nervous about whether or not I’m going to have to set a limit with M again about not disclosing a lot of big details about H. I guess time will tell?