u/Dr_DramaQueen

32F, British Indian, looking to text

Hi, wondering if there are any writing accountability groups or individuals interested in one, working in the UK/EU time zones? I was part of one during my PhD but looks like it's fizzled out.

I've started spinning again after two years. For context, I'm overweight with a voluptuous butt. Halfway through the class, it started hurting near my sit bones as the saddle was quite hard. This has happened to me before when I used to spin but it wasn't as bad. Right now I can't even sit down without being in pain 😭

I want to stick with spinning as it's a low impact activity. Any tips to stop the sit bones hurting?

Hi, i never thought it would be so difficult to find two referees after being here for 7+ years, being married to a British man, and having lots of friends. The issue is that some people I know are British but currently unemployed. Others are professional but professions might not be suitable. I've chosen one referee - British, civil engineer. My other options are:

1. Indian, Project manager at a University
2. British/Irish, unemployed
3. Spanish, Professor at a University
4. British, prison officer
5. British, Works at the council, but my husband's aunt
6. British, Doctor, my cousin's wife's cousin, so not a very direct relationship

Which one do you think would be the most suitable?

Finally ILR came through, took 186 days post application through a standard service.

Came to UK in 2018 as a PhD student

2022: got a job and moved to skilled work visa

2025: changed to global talent visa - I could have applied for ILR immediately (based on 3 years on SWV + GTV) but I didn't know 🙈🥲

December 2025 - applied for ILR through standard route

June 2026 - ILR approved

Looking back upon it, I could have saved myself 1.5 years of I would have applied for ILR through super priority service in January 2025. It would have definitely saved me some stress.

I’m an atheist. Not spiritual either. Nothing. I don’t believe in the Universe, higher powers, gods, religion, destiny, any of it.

For years, the main thing was explaining to people why I’m not religious. I’m still happy to participate in festivals or poojas for family and friends because I enjoy the community aspect and it makes people I love happy. But I personally don’t pray or do rituals.

Now I have a friend who used to question religion too. She’s progressive, independent, and very critical of patriarchal traditions. Slowly she got into Western mysticism and feminine energy. From there she became really drawn to the idea of Shakti and goddesses. It genuinely seems to bring her comfort and happiness, and I’ve never judged her for it. To each their own. At the end of the day, what matters to me is whether someone is happy and kind.

Today we were talking about some personal struggles and she told me that rationalising everything all the time isn’t healthy, and honestly, I agree with that to an extent. But then she started saying that I’m living a “life devoid of femininity” because I approach things rationally, and that I need to believe in something, have faith in something bigger, trust that something will take care of me.

I know she meant well. I really do. I've thought about it for some time now. I've considered faith before but I guess it's just something that doesn't come naturally to me.

But what I don’t understand is this: I never tell religious or spiritual people that the solution to their problems is atheism. I don’t question their need for faith. So why do people who believe in something often feel so comfortable questioning my lack of belief, as if it’s something missing that needs to be fixed?

And honestly, another part of me struggles because when I look at her life trajectory, I don’t necessarily see spirituality making her wiser or more accountable. She’s cheated on partners. I understand a lot of it came from mental health struggles and self-sabotage, but she still deeply hurt people who loved her. And every time, after everything blew up, her response was essentially, “My goddess will look after me.”

That’s the part I genuinely cannot relate to. Because for me, belief doesn’t erase responsibility. Faith doesn’t undo the consequences of hurting people. Spirituality isn’t automatically moral just because it sounds soft or feminine or healing. It does make me question why spirituality is often spoken about as if it automatically gives someone deeper wisdom, emotional maturity, or a better way of living.

So I think what’s really bothering me is not that she believes in something. It’s that she seems to see my atheism as a flaw that needs correcting, while I’ve never treated her spirituality that way.

I’m in Cannes and Èze for work that has absolutely nothing to do with films, but after a month here, you inevitably end up talking cinema with people in cafés, bars, beach benches, hostel kitchens etc. Film students, critics, volunteers, random Europeans who watch 400 films a year.

And honestly, it’s been fascinating seeing what Indian cinema people here actually rave about.

Because while Indian internet spaces are busy fighting over Alia vs Aishwarya red carpets, almost nobody here cares about that stuff. The conversations are completely different.

The names I’ve heard come up again and again:

• Mira Nair - People genuinely love her here. Salaam Bombay and Monsoon Wedding especially. One film student told me she’s one of the few directors who made Indian stories feel global without making them feel “exported”. And yes, everyone is excited for Amri!
• Naseeruddin Shah - This man is revered. Like actual reverence. A critic called him “one of the greatest living actors”.
• Payal Kapadia - Probably the biggest current name. All We Imagine As Light has clearly made a huge impact after Cannes 2024. So many people here have seen it or want to see it. People are waiting for more work from her
• Kani Kusruti - A lot of appreciation for how understated and natural her performances are. Definitely one of those actors international festival audiences really connect with.
• Ritesh Batra - I did not realise how beloved The Lunchbox still is internationally.
• Shyam Benegal and the whole parallel cinema movement - Still massively respected.
• Satyajit Ray obviously, but what surprised me is how many younger people still actively watch and discuss his work instead of treating it like “classic cinema homework”.

Also, Malayalam cinema has come up SO many times. Multiple people independently mentioned that some of the most exciting storytelling currently coming out of India is from Malayalam filmmakers.

The biggest thing I noticed is that the conversations here are almost never about celebrity gossip or box office numbers.

People talk about writing, realism, politics, editing, whether a film feels emotionally honest, whether it has a distinct point of view..

It genuinely made me realise that India’s global film reputation right now is being shaped much more by indie and regional filmmakers than by mainstream Bollywood glamour

Hi all, was wondering if y'all use any tools/podcasts/AI tools to listen to paper summarise or latest advances in fields adjacent to yours? Recently a project student said he converted one of my papers to a podcast using some AI tool and it was easier for him to understand it 🤯 I listened to this 'podcast' as well, it was very strange to hear two non-existing people talk about my work. However, they got it right, nothing was made up, my non-scientist partner listened to it as well and found it really easy to understand what was being explained. This made me think - if there's a way to get the gist of research that I'm interested in, I'd be more likely to then check the actual paper for details. Does anyone have recommendations? TIA!

Hi, I've tried looking for advice online and it's been difficult to find a support group that has spaces and suits the needs of the person I'm trying to help. It's a mix of things they need support with - it's for my friend, 32M, needing support with ADHD, depression, and navigating relationship with toxic parents. He is in therapy but doesn't have a good support system locally.

It would be great if people can suggest support groups that have helped them. Also does anyone know of any interracial relationship support groups? TIA.

P.S. Sorry the title says support group for men, but my friend says he doesn't mind trying mixed groups

I applied or ILR through the global talent route in December 2025. It was a standard application. I got the confirmation email from UKVI saying that I should get the decision before 4th June 2026. Now through my work I've been invited to give a talk in Portugal on the 15th June. It's very prestigious but I need a Schengen visa to travel. I somehow got an appointment for it and submitted an application. Now I'm waiting both of ILR and Schengen visa to be able to do that career defining talk. I really am tired. With only 10 days between ILR outcome and the talk I'm getting very nervous about everything going smoothly.

One good thing though is that I can apply for citizenship immediately after getting ILR as my spouse is British. Does anyone know if it's ok to travel after applying for citizenship?

I would really appreciate some words of hope and support 😞😞