u/DraganYurie — reddlx

I'll never be someone's priority....

I feel like I'll never truly be someone's first priority. Because I love too much, too hard. I cling to them because they make me so happy in the moment... I think feelings are there... sometimes they actually are. But it's never enough to become their priority.

Because of that I've wanted nothing more in the last 24-48 hours than to die. I've had near constant vivid thoughts of a knife into my neck or thigh. Or even just stabbing myself with a fork. The itch to displace the pain elsewhere, even temporary, is so strong. And I hate it. I hate it here. I hate being me. I hate feeling like.. no matter what I do. No matter what I feel. I'm just a joke for people to walk over. No one will willingly take me, or my feelings, seriously. And no one will ever want to treat me as a priority in their life because I'm just not worth it to anyone.

Sometimes....sometimes... it just seems so much easier to let my demons. Because the comfort of demons seems better than the comfort of others.

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u/DraganYurie — 3 days ago

▲ 2 r/Tarots

Where is this reconciliation between my ex and I going?

Deck: Under the Oak
The Question: Where are ex and I going?
Spread: 3-Card Foundation spread

It's been a month and a day since my ex and I reconnected and started communicating again. So far it's been pretty good beyond a few communication hiccups here and there but - we're both learning.

The Cards themselves
The 3 Card Foundation spread is supposed to help clear a point to the question. To help guide, in a sense.

What I want
What he wants
Where it's going

My crude interpretation.

What I want: Security. Stability. Self-preservation and protection. I wish to have him all to myself, greedily. But I must hold self-control so as to not become suffocating or clouding his judgement.
What he wants: Clarity. Faith in oneself. He’s finding blocks of light and blocks of mind as he struggles to accept his true feelings.
Where is it going: Hold space for a positive outcome. There is hope for the future between the two. One or both of us can overcome our shortcomings to get to where we want to be.

The interpretation is probably wrong but it's at least the feelings I could get when pondering over the cards. So any outside insight is welcomed.

u/DraganYurie — 4 days ago

▲ 2 r/tarot

Shitpost Saturday! (Daily pull confusion)

Deck: Under the Oak Tarot
The Question: What do I need to know for my today?

So I try to do daily pulls for myself to help learn the cards, etc etc. Today two were deliberately pulled;

The actual pull from today is Death. The Empress, reversed, was pulled for clarity. Yes two Major Arcanas.

I'll be honest.. I got no clue what this is trying to tell me. Not even really an inkling as to what these mean together. I think it's the second reading that's really left me stumped.

So any help is good help here. Thank you in advance.

u/DraganYurie — 5 days ago