u/DragonflyOk1396

Hi everyone,

We’re beginning the ICPC process to (foster to) adopt a teenager from North Carolina, and we’re based in Virginia. We’ve partnered with our local Children’s Home Society and have already completed a state-approved home study.

From what we’ve read, the ICPC process can take 6+ months. We’re wondering whether having a home study completed in advance affects the timeline. Has anyone here gone through ICPC with a pre-approved home study? Did it help speed things up at all?

Thanks in advance for any insight!

Hello!

We are first-time prospective adoptive parents. We were approved by our state in March and recently began visits with a 15-year-old girl who lives in another state.

She has been in foster care for the past five years. Last December, she was briefly placed with two cousins, but the placement ended after only a few months due to health issues with the cousins, not because of anything she did. Unfortunately, from her perspective, they made all the right promises to convince her to agree to the placement, and then everything fell apart. She hasn't heard from them in months, and it's clear that experience deeply hurt her.

Her social worker, court guardian, and sister have all said she's still processing what happened. We've built a really good connection with her through frequent texts and calls, and after our first in-person visit this past weekend, we felt we'd bonded even more. She's been very open emotionally about this whole process and the pressure she is even feeling from her foster mother.

She's told us that words are just words after this failed placement. Her biggest fear is being sent back or having another placement fail, so we agree that simply *hearing* that we're committed isn't enough for her to fully believe it yet, which is just so completely understandable.

For those who have adopted teens or have had similar experiences themselves as teenagers, what are some ways we can *show* her that we're committed, rather than just telling her? We'd love any advice on building trust with a child who's been given reasons to doubt that adults will stay. Thanks so much in advance.