r/AdoptiveParents

I’m gonna put this here & be open to what comes out of it:

I gave birth when I was 18.

I later gave my son up for adoption after trying to raise him for 4.5yrs feeling like I was failing him. He deserves more. I knew someone else could give him a better life (especially considering I live with a neurotic panic disorder, and a good splash of depression + anger issues). 

The new family was supposed to allow me to watch him grow up, but as soon as everything was official they cut me completely out as though I was the enemy. I had profusely explained that I would never ever choose to disrupt his stability & I will never ever try to take him back bc I was/am fully aware that I’m not stable enough to have a positive impact on his personal growth/developement. .. but they continued to shut down any attempt I made, even if I just asked for a picture. I just wanted to know what he looked like & to see a smile on his face to validate that I had given him a happy life.

He was 5 the last time I saw him. He’ll be 22 this year. I’m embarrassed that I don’t have much success or anything else to show for my life (daily life for me is mostly just surviving my mental health issues) & I’m terrified of disturbing his life. 

I feel like it would be incredibly selfish of me to reach or step into his life uninvited. But of course there are people close to me that say it’s selfish to not reach out to him. 

I don’t know what to do. 

I don’t know if he thinks I didn’t love him. I loved him more than anything. I loved him so much that I knew my own feelings were much less important than his & his future.  I knew he deserved better opportunities than I would be able to provide him with. He absolutely deserved stability.

I don’t know if he feels abandoned. I don’t know if he hates me. I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid of letting more time go by & then it’s been too long .. has it been too long already? 

Should I continue to just be open to his communication if/when he chooses it? The people in my life that say I should reach out, say that he might have been told that I didn’t want him or that he may have been strongly discouraged from doing it seeing as how they cut me out so coldly. There’s no telling what might have been said to him. I’ve mentioned my own feelings a few times here, 🤷‍♀️ bc I’m human.. but they don’t matter at all in comparison to his. I just hope with every fiber of my being that he’s happy with a full life. I don’t know if I’m supposed to reach out to him or leave him be. I’ve considered a private investigator possibly but in all reality, I’ll never be able to afford that. … just don’t know what to do. I don’t know if he knows his biological dad had another son, his half brother. Also, don’t know if he knows his biological dad passed away many years ago. Every Internet search I’ve done has come up empty. I believe they keep him very private online. He may be on the spectrum & that could change a lot of things. I could damage his routine & his happiness if I were to reach out & him not be able to receive me. I’m at a loss 🤷‍♀️

Hi everyone! My husband and I want to adopt our first child (private domestic adoption) in the next couple years or so; however, we’ve heard that the adoption timeline can be excessively long. How early would you recommend reaching out to an adoption agency, knowing that we really wouldn’t be ready to adopt a child for at least a year (my husband finishes his grad program next spring, so ideally we’d like to wait till at least until then). I’ll also throw in that we know we still have to do research on ethical adoption agencies, we’ll need to do a home study, etc. But when would you recommend at least selecting our chosen adoption agency and beginning that relationship? Thank you in advance!

Edit: I also want to add that we’re located in the DC area, so if anyone has recommendations of adoption agencies to begin researching that service DC, please let us know! It would be greatly appreciated!

We adopted a toddler, ran through all our clothes and then lived in non iron gym clothes for a few weeks.

There is absolutely no time to iron and no way I’m spending my already negative reserve of energy on that. What are you all wearing these days?

Is there a brand of clothing in the UK that’s non iron, smart casual?

This is super long. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read and respond.

7M. Adopted from foster care at birth, born at appx 36 weeks. Amphetamines, narcotics, and thc in umbilical cord; bio mom admitted to nicotine and alcohol as well. Bio mom was physically abused causing her to go into early labor. No withdrawal symptoms, some breathing issues at birth. No current medical (non psychological) diagnosis. Current diagnosis of ADHD (inattentive), ODD, and NAS. Adoptive mom (OP) context: BS in psychology,
masters in school counseling (most hours at the time were spent in LPC classes), masters in special education and 14 years working with kiddos with learning and behavioral disabilities.

Current situation (trying to keep this concise): Kiddo is currently on focalin (10mg extended), guanfacine (2mg extended AND 1 mg instant) every morning, focailin 5 mg instant around noon. Tried clonidine but it made him super angry. Wakes up early no matter the bed time (3 to 5 am most days) and is wired- jumping off the bed, trying to go outside, waking up his siblings, borderline inappropriate to adults, defiant… 30-45 minutes after meds, he’s great. Calm, kind, compliant, a little goofy but a typical 7 year old. We typically do meds around 6 because of his early wake up time. By 10-11 during the summer, he’s crashing out. Sometimes it’s a nap, other times it’s increasingly deregulated behavior. Flipping himself upside down on furniture, having an unsafe body with siblings and pets (never intentionally harmful, just wild), at school- screaming out, opposition, etc. During the school year, he frequently has meltdowns (screaming, asking for competing needs- I’m hungry, I want x, I want this other thing) until he crashes and falls asleep, often on the 10 minute drive home. Currently 1 week into his 2 week summer day camp, he hasn’t been taking his afternoon dose (they won’t give it to him and we decided to try without it) and he’s only been in trouble once for an unsafe body.

Teacher was contacting 3-4x weekly about behavior and I had an interventionist do observations. We have him on a behavior and academic plan for reading due to assumed dyslexia. Teachers cite unsafe body with peers and frequent blurting out to the point of disrupting both his and classmates learning, but it got much worse after the Vanderbilt was done in October. Again, seeing this at home and at school. We’re starting OT again after being dismissed for running across a parking lot in a nature based program 2 years ago.

It’s all continuing/getting worse, except we’re no longer napping within the last month. He’s a wonderful kid and we love him. We want to figure out what helps, but meds wear off so quickly. I’ve always had some idea of what to ask for at psych appts, but I’m at a loss. We keep upping meds and it feels terrible as a parent. I believe meds are a huge piece of this but I have no idea what could help now.

We’ve been seeing a psych for 3 years now. It started with elopement and screaming until he passed out, neither of which happen but he’s still unable to learn at school or participate typically in daily life- which I’m ok with if there aren’t other options, but I believe he’s capable of so much more than his nervous system lets him do right now. We didn’t get the ADHD diagnosis until 9 months ago because of his age and haven’t had a ton of new ideas from the best known doc in our area. Literally the only other thing I can think of is a second extended release in the afternoon but that doesn’t seem right.

Thanks for getting this far and for any non judgemental suggestions. We’re doing the best we can as caring, educated parents who are implementing behavioral strategies, etc. His nervous system is just wild.

Hi everyone,

We’re beginning the ICPC process to (foster to) adopt a teenager from North Carolina, and we’re based in Virginia. We’ve partnered with our local Children’s Home Society and have already completed a state-approved home study.

From what we’ve read, the ICPC process can take 6+ months. We’re wondering whether having a home study completed in advance affects the timeline. Has anyone here gone through ICPC with a pre-approved home study? Did it help speed things up at all?

Thanks in advance for any insight!

I’m a birth mom, the child I placed is almost 6. I recently had a baby about 8 months ago. I did reach out to her dads to let them know, I didn’t receive a reply (this was months ago) I’ve been thinking about what they were thinking from their perspective. I work in tech/corporate America, am still young, 99% of women have kids 30+. Were they surprised that I had another baby? Did they understand that now I see the old monthly updates with different context, like the fact a baby can’t grow 6 inches in 3 months. I’m just really curious what adoptive parents are told about this. Or is it something that is talked about at all

hi! my husband and I are gearing up to start the adoption process. were in the process of interviewing agencies, figuring out the best/most ethical route, etc! I’ve talked to some other adoptive parents and everyone has encouraged that we share were planning to adopt on social media because ”you never know”. any recs or good inspo for adoption announcements? FWIW: I know this is VERY different than a pregnancy announcement, which is also why I’m asking for inspo. I really want to avoid coming across like i think they’re the same thing, if that makes sense?

It's been a difficult road, and we're finally ready to take the next step toward growing our family through adoption.

We've been looking into several agencies and trying to figure out which one feels like the right fit. So far, A Adoption Advocates of Georgia has really caught our attention and given us the best feeling compared to some of the others we've looked at.

Has anyone here worked with Adoption Advocates of Georgia or have other recommendations? We'd love to hear about your experiences, but at this point they seem like one of the most trustworthy agencies we've come across in Georgia.

[29F] I've been told by doctors that I can conceive a child, but cannot carry it to full term.

I do want to raise a child though. I want to be a mother. I want that privilage and opportunity.

Dating has been really hard. Many men want biological children. I can understand that.

I'm trying hard in the meantime to educate myself on adoption. The process, the industry, risks and differences of raising an adopted child. I'm learning about the world of adoptees and their experiences, both good and bad.

Tell me about how you met your partner? How did they view adoption from the start? What other things did you come across when you were dating to adopt?

My partner and I are both in our mid-20s and are starting to look into adoption. We know it can be a long process, so we’d like to begin learning about it sooner rather than later.

Our dream would be to adopt a newborn, even though we understand that can be a more difficult and competitive process. That said, we’re also open to adopting a toddler or young child (or two!). We’re willing to travel or even relocate anywhere in Canada if the right opportunity came along.

We’ve read a few older posts on this topic, but we are hoping to hear from people with more recent experiences or advice.

A few questions we have:
-Does being an LGBT couple change anything about the adoption process compared to non-LGBT couples?
-What do home studies/home inspections by social workers realistically involve? What kinds of things do they look for, and what questions do they typically ask?
-Approximately how much does adoption cost in Canada? What factors affect the total cost?
-Does it make a difference whether you own your home or rent? If so, how?
-Are there provinces with shorter wait times than others, or provinces where there are more children waiting to be adopted? Is there a good resource for comparing adoption information across Canada?

We’d really appreciate hearing about your experiences, advice, or anything you wish you had known before starting the adoption process.

I am a 32 year old female who just found out at 34 weeks that I’m pregnant. I never wanted to be a mom, I actually had an abortion last September and a few months later got pregnant again except this time I had no symptoms because I was taking birth control. The father is absolutely not interested in parenting and is pushing strongly for adoption. He told me our relationship would be over if I decided to keep her. He’s not a bad guy, he’s actually a good guy he just doesn’t want to be a parent. I’m struggling because the thought of giving her away feels like my soul is being ripped in half but I also really don’t want to be a mom, and definitely not a single mom. I’d have to quit my decent job because the hours aren’t accommodated by daycares and I’d have to move to a different state to be close to family that might help. No one besides me and the father know about this because we both feel so much shame about possibly giving her away. I’m so lost and I don’t know what to do and I only have a month to decide.

My husband and I matched with an expecting mom in April 2026 - she is due in October. She is raising a child by herself, has already placed her second child through our adoption agency and we've now met her in person and have built a good relationship - so we were fairly confident that the chances of the match getting disrupted were quite low. Few days ago, she texted that she was at the doctor's because she wasn't feeling well. She was texting us during the appointment that they were doing tests but then went radio silent. We managed to call her by phone the next day (glad to find out that she was okay) - she said she will call us back but since then, her phone has been switched off. Our agency has not been able to reach her either. Our agency also mentioned that they had just transferred her the living expenses and some additional money for July earlier on the same day. It's only been 2-3 days and she's still 15 weeks away from her delivery date - so we are not sure what to think and the uncertainty is really difficult because we don't know if we need to grieve yet. We would be fine if she has changed her mind but the worst case scenario is that something bad happened at the doctor's. Not sure if anyone has experience with something like this and if this is usually a sign of a failed match.

Hello!
We just started our licensing with Indiana DCS and are hoping to adopt from Kentucky DCBS.
The cost of hiring an attorney doesn’t bother us, but in our situation (public adoption), is an attorney helpful? And what would their role be?
Just want this to go as smoothly as possible for all involved!
Thank you!!

When our private adoption went through we didn’t apply for grants. Things came together quickly, we had the cash on hand after saving for a couple years, it was the cleanest way to do it.

Since then we’ve had to raid our savings to pay for other things kid-related and house-related (our wiring is shitting the bed and that’s not a cheap replacement).

Do places that give grants consider post-adoption factors and allow for post-placement applications?

we are looking to adopt from india we complete the paperwork 1.5yrs ago and we have been in the portal for 6 months. we were already looking at kids on the portal but it very overwhelming.

Our adoption agency declared Bankruptcy so now we are shit out of luck.

The new agency just sent me a welcome package and they are asking for everything all over again. Every proof, every document to be filled all over all.I feel so broken and cant stop crying right now. Everything sucks so much

Hello!
We are being licensed by Indiana DCS with the hopes of adopting an 11 year old from Kentucky DCBS.
Indiana DCS told us that the ICPC process will be completely up to us to complete independently. So, any details are appreciated! What does this process require / look like? What’s the typical timeline for a public adoption?
Thank you!!

Hi all - looking for some advice. We have just adopted a baby girl, and some of our very sweet friends have asked for recommendations for books they can read to their own kids (who are not adopted) to help them understand what it’s all about and educate them. Most of the books I’ve found are geared more towards what you’d read to adopted children, so wondering if anyone has any suggestions for something more general? Anything for ages 3-6 ish.
Thank you!!

I’m looking for real-world experience from anyone who has gone through a stepparent adoption or termination/consent-waiver based on abandonment in Florida.
I am the mother of a minor child. My husband wants to adopt her. He has been in her life for years and has acted as her father figure from the beginning. My daughter voluntarily began calling him “Daddy” on her own, without being forced or coached, and she has never called anyone else that. He accepted her as his own immediately and has been present for daily life, birthdays, holidays, school, family events, vacations, medical needs, and normal parenting responsibilities.

The biological father has had no support and no outreach since 2022.

Back in 2022, there were arguments/messages where he claimed he wanted contact and claimed he was being prevented from being involved. But after that, he did not follow through. Since 2022, there has been:

No child support
No financial help
No birthday gifts/cards
No holiday gifts/cards
No school help
No medical help
No meaningful outreach to the child
No court filing for visitation, custody, parenting time, or support
No attempt to legally enforce contact
No attempt to repair the relationship

In 2025, we reached back out to him/people connected to him to try to clarify how he wanted to proceed regarding the adoption situation. He did not answer, respond, call back, ask about the child, or attempt to reconcile with her.
My husband, on the other hand, has been the consistent parent in her life. We have years of photos, family events, holidays, birthdays, trips, school involvement, and witnesses who can confirm he has acted as her father figure. My daughter is fully integrated into his family and household. He has loved, supported, protected, and helped raise her as his own.

I understand that courts care about evidence, not emotion. We are trying to gather everything properly, including:

A timeline from 2022 to present showing no support/contact
Call/text records
Proof of our 2025 outreach
Proof that bio father never filed anything in court
Receipts and bank records showing we paid for the child’s needs
School/medical/emergency contact records
Photos over the years showing stability and family life
Witness letters from people who have seen my husband act as her father figure

My question is: For those who have dealt with Florida stepparent adoption or abandonment-based consent waiver, does this sound like a strong case?

I know nothing is guaranteed and we need an attorney. I’m just looking for real-world experiences about what evidence mattered most, what the court focused on, and what we should be prepared for if the biological father tries to fight it after years of no support and no outreach.