u/EquipmentWorth7315

Hey,

Myself and my partner have had our 2 year old living with us for just under 3 weeks. My partner had taken to it like a duck to water and has a really good bond going but I feel more behind with it all.

I have a good relationship with our little one, we play together, do routines together, she comes to hug me all the time and is comfortable with me and my wife is really good with her (partner works in a school and is really good naturally with kids). I on the other hand am not as used to kids and I don't feel as maternal as my wife is, I feel like I'm struggling to attach to her like my wife has and I feel more stressed which is making me feel like a bad parent already and I feel like there's something wrong with me. I'm struggling with the change in routine as well which i really didn't think I would.

She's a really good kid, yes she has her 2 year old moments but that's totally normal, so I don't get it.

Has anyone else had this issue? I'm worried about bringing it up with my wife because I don't want her to judge me and think I don't care for the child or see me as less of a parent for not feeling bonded yet.

Hey,

Myself and my partner brought our 2 year old LO home just over a week ago. We had an 8 day transition period with the foster carer which went really well.

The first week went amazing, LO settled in well, adapted well into their room, has been sleeping, eating etc well and has been seeking comfort from us, has not really asked for the foster carer since they came home. The social workers and foster carer are actually amazed at how well they initially settled in!

However, over the last couple of days they have been flicking from normal happy behaviour to suddenly testing boundaries and having quite a temper. When they don't get their own way they are having massive melt downs including one today where they even smacked the dog. This is not something we have seen with them before and it seems to have came out of the blue from when we first met them.

We are trying to be sensitive about this with LO due to the massive life change they are going through currently and we are making sure they feel loved and supported but we also know this can be a normal stage of development due to them being a toddler.

Of course we are also putting in firm boundaries due to their behaviour and we are following what the foster carers advice was. Apart from this, they are still happy all of the time ( bar these occasions), still sleeping well, seeking affection, playing, singing etc

We feel confidant in how we are handling the behaviours.. I'm more just looking for people who have adopted a similar age and their experiences on how it went over the first few weeks, was this something you went through? If so, did it settle slightly as they kept settling in further or did it appear to be more typical toddler development?

Does anyone else just feel like people around you think your thick?

My dyspraxia is more surrounding the memory problems, taking in info, reading and writing at times and socal issues, I do have issues with coordination but not as bad.. I do also mix my words up when I'm stressed or tired

I didn't get diagnosed until my mid 20s and I always had to seriously push myself in school but I left with really good grades despite the effect on my mental health.

I'm now a paramedic and I'm mint at the hands on side and patient facing side so I've done OK academically. I can talk to people fine when I'm working because i have a job to do but when I'm in social situations I just shut down because I don't get what my role is..

My main issue is socialising, everyone always things I'm a bit weird or acts like they think I'm stupid.. I really struggle in social situations and decoding information etc and if I'm honest because this is anonymous... I literally have no friends because I struggle to keep them because of this... I can chat away to people but I struggle building and maintaining friendships.

Today has annoyed me because my wife and i were in a meeting ( we are adopting) and she couldn't connect to teams properly so she asked me to just take over and ask the questions whilst she listened in and most of the way through it I started getting messages off her telling me to stop talking and asking the same questions- thing is something I can do when nervous or when I feel like the question isn't being answered properly to me.

We were talking about it later on and she was basically laughing at me saying I made myself look like I didn't have a clue and that the 2 people we were in the meeting with probably rang eachother up afterwards to laugh at me and say WTF to eachother. I was laughing at first out of awkwardness but she just kept going and now I just feel really fucking stupid like I shouldn't open my mouth again in any future meetings.

It's just got me so fed up of this bloody condition. I literally have no friends and when I say no friends I literally mean none. My wife had loads of friends so she doesnt really see the issue, just says I haven't found the right people yet but it's something cie struggled with all my life.. I just feel like a total misunderstood loner and now after the meeting i just feel stupid

Does anyone else feel this way? Or have the same problem?

Hey,

I'm new to reta, on day 9 and I've already lost 6.8lbs. Had my second dose 2 days ago. The first dose I had just under 1.5ml as I was worried about side effects but I took 2ml this time

How long did it take for the sickness to leave for everybody? At times I feel fine then as soon as I eat or drink I feel really ill with it, heard that doesn't last forever like but how long does it last?

Had cheese yesterday night and I've learned the hard way this morning.

Does anyone have any meal tips or snack tips? I'm eating as healthy as possible but whenever I try to do high protein feel rotten after aha.

I'm getting my steps in with the treadmill i have at gome but I'm currently injured with a bad back so weights are proving hard to do

I'm 29(f), and I think my depression has came back..

I've not spoke to anyone about it and if I'm honest I've made light of it when asked.

The cause?

I've lost myself.. I had a hard and abusive childhood to say the least and I grafted.. I grafted to make something of myself. And I did.. I got my qualifications and I went to university and became a paramedic. During uni, my wife and I went through fertility treatment, she carried twice and loar both and. we lost our jobs due to covid the lot..

I went cold turkey on the anti depressants and grafted.. got myself into martial arts, got a job with the ambulance service etc and all was going well.. I then went through fertility treatment, had 3 attempts which resulted in 1 miscarriage and 2 failed attempts.. no biggy yeah I was devastated but I pulled myself around... a year later we started the process to adopt and i applied for my masters degree to eventually get on air ambulance.. however.. at the same time my back went... and I ended up on long term sick for work..

I've been on the sick since, it's been 7 months.. doctors haven't took me serious because of my age and it's took all that time to get an mri which they've found issues with my lumbar spine..

During that 7 months I've lost everything that makes me me..

I've stopped the gym, kickboxing, jujitsu, can't lift anything heavy, have put weight on for this, rely on naproxen to function but it doesn't really work, I've lost all my mates and when I say all I mean all.. noone has checked on me in the last 5 months despite me reaching out.. as soon as my back went people just decided i was done for.. I have no social life.. my days are me sitting around in the house, doing ohysio and taking the dog for a walk.. my wife tries to get it but doesn't.. she just expects me to be okneith it in a way.. when we talk she says she gets why I can have down episodes but then expects my mood to be OK and gets short with me when it isn't.. I tried talking to her but I feel like she doesn't really get it.

Not I've been given a deadline with work.. I'm in alternative duties and I have 10 weeks left to find an alternative job through open vacancies which get sent to me and if none match my skill set I loose my job at the end of it... my career is literally over.. the doctors have said it as well.. I can't sustain the heavy lifting of the role and I feel like I've lost my identity and the one thing I loved doing..

The kicker of it is is the only thing going right is the adoption, they've started the process to match us with a little girl and I know I can hold it together enough for that..and I know I can hide it and be a good mam because I can hide it from everyone but inside I hate myself and what ive become.. I've peaked at 29 and I can't see how it can get better.. martial arts was my mental health outlet and I can't do it anymore.. my wife does it too because I signed us both up for it and I'm happy for her but I get internally devastated when she goes up a belt or gets asked to fight and not because I'm resentful to her, because I'm so proud of her and I back her all the way but because I hate my self and my body for stopping that for me.. my biggest fear is failure and that's all I feel that ive done right now..

I know I'm internally getting bad because I don't really drink and I've already half half a bottle of wine tonight.. I won't get really drunk because I've got work tomorrow (alternative duties = admin job working from home)

As I've said above.. I can hide it well from everyone.. I'm fully functional.. the closest I've got to letting it show was during a work meeting with my manager and hr when they said I wouldn't be able to return to my job and a paramedic and I had to find another job or I'd loose my job with the company.. I cried and walked away and they sent me a referral for the mental health team which she has emailed me about today because I've not engaged..

I'm embarrassed.. I normally have my shit together and I don't want to admit to anyone that knows me that I'm numb 24/7..

I know I'll pull it together and yeah I probably do need meds but I don't want to tell my wife about it and admit it.

I'm probably rambling about it but it's good to get it off my chest idk

Hi all,

I'm based in the UK and we are currently coming to the end of stage 2 with our panel in the next few months

We've met a child (2 years) who we have expressed interest In but are obviously its up to the social workers and family finders to ensure we would be a good fit as the child is what matters the most in this process.

My question is the same for both adoptees and adoptive parents as I'd love to get both points of view.

The child in question has been took into care because of parental MH. BM has good interaction with them during family time but has ignored countless opportunities to change and make the household safe for child and believes they gave done nothing wrong hence the care order.

There are talks of them having direct contact once a year as well as an annual letter and or a video recorded by BF.

ADOPTEES- for those who didnt have this, would you have preferred once a year direct contact with BM over just indirect contact ? For those of you who did have this arrangement, how did that end up developing over time and was it something that was more confusing due to it being only once a year? Did you end up having a hard time dealing with those emotions of only seeing them once a year as you got older or was it something you stopped yourself? I'm more interested in your thoughts because the child should be at the heart of the whole process as it is your lived experience. My main concern is that once a year may be more emotionally challenging and confusion as they grow up as well as the fact that contact may have to be stopped as the child ages due to safeguarding concerns which we have been told about. I'd love any thoughts off you guys if willing to share. Also if they didn't show up for contact how did this effect you and did you talk to your adoptive parents about these feelings?if so we're they helpful and if not what do you feel like you would have benefited with from them?

ADOPTIVE PARENTS- my question for you guys is to ask your thoughts on tihis in relation to how your child viewed this growing up? Did you see the positive side of it or did your child struggle more and how did this effect their emotional development growing up. Also, if contact needed to be stopped as the child aged if safeguarding issues arose how did you approach this with the child? Did you have to access therapy for the child surrounding this loss of contact? If the contact didn't get stopped how did this look like during teenage years when it it harder to monitor contact between child and BM once the teenager gets a phone, social media etc as obviously we still need to make sure the child is safe due to those safeguarding issues and how much help did you get navigating this from the adoption agency. Also if BM was a no show at an annual contact meeting how did you handle this with the child ( I've got a good idea how we would handle this but just looking for opinions off those who have lived experiances)

Points to note..

If matched, We are happy having an initial meeting with the mother to get to know her and build up a rapport with her.

We are open to trying this arrangement if its appropriate and remains appropriate for the child as I think they should know more about that part of their story if safe to do so

I hope this all made sense, thank you in advance for any comments and thoughts.