I don’t know what to do
I love my boyfriend, but I don’t feel excited about our future
I’m struggling because my boyfriend is genuinely such a good man. I adore him. He’s stable, loving, loyal, has a good job, treats me well, makes me laugh, and honestly has so many qualities that would make him a great husband someday.
But something still feels… missing.
I’m a very ambitious person. I love adventure, traveling, trying new things, building a future, dreaming big, and experiencing life fully. He’s more content staying home, playing video games, and keeping life simple. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I keep worrying we’re fundamentally different people.
The hardest part is there’s no toxicity. No chaos. No major red flags. He gives me everything I should want. But I don’t feel excited about our future together the way I think I’m supposed to. Honestly, throughout most of our relationship, I’ve thought more about breaking up than staying, and that makes me feel incredibly guilty because I do love him.
I also have ADHD, so when I’m busy I can unintentionally go hours without texting or thinking about anyone much at all — it’s very “out of sight, out of mind.” Meanwhile he’s very steady and consistent. Sometimes I wonder if I’m mistaking stability for lack of spark, or if deep down I know we’re incompatible long term.
I’m about to move and go back to school for a year, and it’s making me think even harder about what I actually want my future to look like.
Has anyone else deeply loved someone but still felt like they weren’t your person?
And to clarify, I don’t think this is just me chasing a ‘spark’ or unrealistic excitement. I think I’m trying to understand what a healthy relationship is supposed to feel like because I never really had a good example growing up.
What’s exhausting is feeling like I carry the entire emotional effort of the relationship. For almost two years, I’ve been the one planning everything, initiating special moments, talking about the future, organizing trips, and trying to make us feel connected.
He’s never bought me a birthday gift, and I’ve had to beg for effort on Valentine’s Day or Christmas. It’s not even about money or material things — he makes good money. It’s about feeling thought about without having to ask. Feeling cherished without having to beg for it.
I love him deeply, which is why this hurts so much. I just genuinely can’t tell if I’m expecting too much, or if I’ve been settling for feeling emotionally unappreciated because I convinced myself stability was enough.
Updated: i don’t want to paint anyone like the villain i know that he’s at his capacity of how he shows love with me i just feel like I’m only at 25% for mine and he gets weird when i do more and I’m just tired of the same thing he is an amazing guy but we have very different ways of handling life I’m over here at 21 with 2 businesses and starting another one soon and about to go to hardcore college for a year and he’s content staying at home and playing video games and that’s all he wants in his life which isn’t a problem but i feel like we clash I’m not trying to make anyone a villain im just trying to get some advice.