(F 31) (M 38) is re-opening the relationship the right call?
TLDR: Is opening up our relationship again a bad idea?
First time poster with a throw away as my partner is on reddit as well.
My partner '38 M' and I '31 F' have been together for going on about 6 months. We started out as a fling post me separating from my now ex husband but feelings developed very quickly. Both of us had no intentions of dating at that particular moment as we both were coming off of long term serious relationships/marriages and wanted a chance to have our "promiscuous" phase and decided to keep the relationship open. This went on for about two months and then due to financial circumstances we ended up moving in together.
I'm not sure if it was the stress of the divorce proceedings or if I just wasn't cut out for ethical non-monogamy but once we moved in together, my jealousy became a huge problem for us. Any time my partner was going to go on a date with another person it was like my chest would feel like it was being crushed and I would sob pretty much the entire time he was gone. I have admittedly CPTSD and some poor experiences of my ex husband cheating so I am sure that is a contributing factor. My partner and I talked and agreed that we probably needed to build a firmer foundation for our relationship before having it be open to any non-traditional situations and decided to close the relationship which he was obviously very disappointed about but he stated if the relationship never opened back up he would understand and that I was his priority.
We are now four months in to being exclusive and our intimate life has dropped from us having sex every other day or two to maybe once a week. He has a manual labor job and obviously is tired quite often but has made comments that if he were to go on a date and come home more tired "oh well". But will turn me down when I attempt to initiate when he is tired from work which admittedly stings.
My divorce finalized last week and he expressed that now that I no longer have that stress on me, he is not interested in a "normal monogamous relationship" and that he is concerned that we are not compatible in that way. I am not opposed to us playing together with other partners, but do get very jealous not so much of the sexual contact but of the idea of the emotional side of the potential relationships outside of monogamy. Not only that but I do want kids in the future and am concerned with the idea of ENM around my kids for many reasons. That would be a hard boundary for me once I have children because I want to have a partner who's focus is not divided between our kids, our relationship and other people not to mention bringing strangers around the kids.
I guess I am looking for advice on how to navigate this situation/conversation on setting my boundaries and whether or not the relationship is completely non-viable?