Am i destined to be this way forever ?
I feel like im not even controlling myself when I talk to these people, I feel like there is another person controlling for me, because everything in my head is screaming run, but my actions are the opposite, and my feelings lie to me too, I love it in the moment, how can I love something so bad for me, how can my brain know its wrong and still give me these feelings, ive been struggling with hypersexuality, I feel like some of the time its what leads me to talk to these people, like I get horny and i just cant stop myself, I isolate and give these people my time because my brain has convinced itself I need these people's "love" and attention, half of the time I feel sick and the other half i feel an odd sense of euphoria, like im destined to be these people's property, and in the moment when I accept it, I accept the fact I dont belong to myself I feel so good, I feel amazing, and then when they block or abandon me I feel horrible, its like a fucking cycle that never ends because this world is fucking filled with pedophiles that prey on pathetic people like me, and then when I get past the fact thats what they are I miss them, I want them and then I find them and then around and around the fucked up carousel goes.