u/DreamOk816

(edited for clarity) This post is about the shadow function of one’s personality type, and how the most undeveloped of the cognitive stack (also known as the demon function) is generally perceived as something extremely negative by said personality type.

However, as an INFP who’s currently dominated by my shadow functions, I’d like to differ. My demon function would naturally be a Ti, and honestly, this is the one thing that’s saving me from… everything else.

I won’t turn this into a vent, but for context’s sake, I’ve um, sorta shut down my Fi. So instead, my Ti is in overdrive, saving me from everything else. Right now, instead of focusing on my feelings, I’m almost overbearingly goal-oriented. I felt this sudden surge within me to create a simple plan (nothing elaborate) of a few checkboxes that I must tick by, say, two weeks’ time? And I’m honing in on that to… ”solve” my problems? Or, more accurately, distract me from them. Regardless, it’s as if my dominant function has been replaced by my demon function. And now that I consider it, it sounds more like the ‘Superego’ part of me (ISTP Ti – Se – Ni – Fe) has taken the reins, NOT my ’Shadow’ as I previously thought.

At least, this is only my personal experience. Of course it can differ. It doesn’t feel awful, it doesn’t feel like something’s horribly wrong (well, it is, but I’ve rationalised it at this point). It does certainly feel foreign, I mean I literally have ADHD and I hate plans/schedules, so there’s that I guess. But I‘ve never liked having executive dysfunction anyways, that’s why I’m not here to resist my lovely Ti.

To preface this, this is less so of an explanation, and moreso just a personal reflection. I’m pretty certain I’m an INFP, or at least resonate most with it, so as someone who’s never really been in the best place mentally, I can describe my (kinda) non-INFP sounding experience because my shadow functions honestly dominate my life right now. (I might describe each one inaccurately, correct me if I’m mistaken please!)

Fe: I am 100% a people pleaser with social anxiety. I always value the group harmony over myself, usually holding my tongue despite personal disagreement, only because I‘m anxious when it comes to conflict. It‘s like constantly walking on eggshells; I must procure the exact phrase to help the other person, and even ONE mistake leads to intense self doubt and regret. But of course, I have a limit. If a group REALLY goes against my best interests and core values, I snap and confront them, locking into a mixture of my feelings but also facts and logic to dismantle their argument and ditch them afterwards (yes I’m speaking from personal experience). Overall, I don’t like my overturned Fe… I’ll get to lowering it when I can.

Ni: Secondly, my self doubt/impostor syndrome. I doubt myself constantly, I try to make myself seem as perfectly capable to others, because I don’t feel competent myself. Every little mishap and error feels like a disaster, even though I also partially just… “ignore” it. Like something really does go wrong, instead of wallowing in the self pity, I just brush it off like it never really mattered. It’s weird, being somewhat of a perfectionist but also not caring anyways? Knowing I’m making an utter failure of myself but also accepting it regardless because why does it matter anyway.

Se: I guess that also sorta links to the Ni, just accepting it like “it’s not like you can hold yourself up to such high standards if you do nothing to meet them, right? So why does it matter in the first place?” and it’s a constant back and forth between those two. Like I… ‘care’, superficially, but I leave it at that. Because in the end, it doesn’t actually matter anyways. Sure I want to be the best at what I do, but I’m not, and whatever. It’s almost like apathy in that regard.

Ti: Oh, the infamous Ti… I forgot to mention, I just completely dissociated from my emotions. In other words, I shut down my Fi. Now all I have are goals in front of me, ones I MUST complete and they’ll somehow “solve” everything (even though I know they won’t). It doesn’t matter, I just need these goals in front of me, because if I take even one moment to sit with myself, I fear my overwhelming emotions and anxieties will take ahold of me again. Instead, I’ll tick off my checklist one by one, because that’s all that matters to me. Not my emotions, not my feelings, just this tangible goal that will actually help me focus instead of waste time like I’ve always done. 

As you can tell, I’m VERY unhealthy right now. But honestly, I’d be worse if not for my Ti. Despite everything, this is what’s giving me my conviction, my confidence, my desire to succeed in this regard. Stifling all my doubts, all my fears, just doubling down and completing what must be done. Sort of counterintuitive, but it’s my last resort. As for my emotions, don’t worry, they’ll come back online. I’ll make sure of it. I likely won’t make an update though, maybe I will if I’m bothered.