u/Dream_Fuji

I 29M have been in a relationship with this girl 27F (she has ADHD) for almost 4 years now, we have lived together while working together for 2 years but now we both moved back with our parents for a temporary period of time till we get the next jobs.

It's been 4 months and I somehow gained access to her chats and she was talking to a guy from her past with whom she had seggs once like 5 years back and she invited him for a visit tomorrow at her home as a friend and nobody in the family knows what happened in the past. Back then she was in a relationship with some other guy and basically cheated on him. Although, to me, she has been very upfront about her past and I already know these things when we started dating.

A few things to clarify the situation,

1- As per her convos, she had the best relationship with her first ex-boyfriend.

2- She thinks I am not very romantic towards her particularly at this stage and perhaps even that it's not the best relationship physically.

3- She still sends greetings and occassionaly hold convos with her partners from the past (b'day wishes and other events etc) and thinks it's a very normal thing.

4- She's reading a lot of books lately about women empowerement which I think has introducted a lot of gynocenterism around her.

4 - I conforted her yesterday over phone about all of this and she told me that she's annoyed a little and the past 4 months have been really hard and she was talking/inviting him to have some deep conversations about life and relationship as she feels like she has got no one else to talk to. She told me that if you're expecting that I'm going to do something with him again then it's not going to happen.

My standpoint:

I have never been in a relationship before this but I am a very meticulous person, I feel like things are definitely going downhill due to the distance between us and not having jobs right now. About her inviting that guy over, I do not feel any insecurity about it (possibly because of the trust we have built over the past few years) but at the same time it just doesn't feel right. While I still believe she's not going to cheat on me but I'm really confused about what to do about it and how things can get better?

tl;dr- I (29M) have been with my GF (27F) for 4 years (lived/worked together for 2, now long-distance with parents for 4 months). I saw her chats: she invited a past sexual partner (from 5 years ago, when she cheated on an ex) to her home as a “friend.” She says she needs deep conversations about life/relationship, denies any cheating intent, but admits she finds me unromantic and our sex life lacking. She keeps in touch with multiple exes. I trust her but feel uneasy. Things feel downhill due to distance/joblessness. Not sure what to do or how to improve things.

I 29M have been in a relationship with this girl 27F (she has ADHD) for almost 4 years now, we have lived together while working together for 2 years but now we both moved back with our parents for a temporary period of time till we get the next jobs.

It's been 4 months and I somehow gained access to her chats and she was talking to a guy from her past with whom she had seggs once like 5 years back and she invited him for a visit tomorrow at her home as a friend and nobody in the family knows what happened in the past. Back then she was in a relationship with some other guy and basically cheated on him. Although, to me, she has been very upfront about her past and I already know these things when we started dating.

A few things to clarify the situation,

1- As per her convos, she had the best relationship with her first ex-boyfriend.

2- She thinks I am not very romantic towards her particularly at this stage and perhaps even that it's not the best relationship physically.

3- She still sends greetings and occassionaly hold convos with her partners from the past (b'day wishes and other events etc) and thinks it's a very normal thing.

4- She's reading a lot of books lately about women empowerement which I think has introducted a lot of gynocenterism around her.

4 - I conforted her yesterday over phone about all of this and she told me that she's annoyed a little and the past 4 months have been really hard and she was talking/inviting him to have some deep conversations about life and relationship as she feels like she has got no one else to talk to. She told me that if you're expecting that I'm going to do something with him again then it's not going to happen.

My standpoint:

I have never been in a relationship before this but I am a very meticulous person, I feel like things are definitely going downhill due to the distance between us and not having jobs right now. About her inviting that guy over, I do not feel any insecurity about it (possibly because of the trust we have built over the past few years) but at the same time it just doesn't feel right. While I still believe she's not going to cheat on me but I'm really confused about what to do about it and how things can get better?