u/Dry-Leading-768

I’m a dude and don’t think it’s manly at all to discuss family/personal stuff online, but this has gone on far enough. I don’t know what to do anymore.

I’m a new adult so I’m still not in the condition to completely separate myself from parental oversight, like others. My mom has always been toxic and taken her anger out on me for everything. I worry about her waking up, because she wants to verbally fight and be mad as soon as her day starts. This morning she went to the freezer and there are two 3lb packs of beef in it. She tells me “look at what you did. You spent all our money on beef and now you’re hungry!” This was immediately upon waking up. She keeps going and going. Everytime she loses her phone, it’s: “oh whatever I don’t give a f about that phone anyway! You don’t care either right?!” Last week she told me to send my dad (in another state) 240 dollars. He hasn’t paid back, and now everyday she wakes up to pick a fight with me about it.
The other day she wanted me to go with her to my grandmas house to help her clean it. I was making eggs and told her I was almost done. She says: “you’re a piece of sht, I’m going to tell her you don’t love her!” Then she slams the door. A few weeks ago she got into an argument with my dad. She was in the car with me during her conversation with him. She then starts driving recklessly and telling me she doesn’t give a f! I couldn’t take it anymore and started crying and my arms turned numb.

All my life she’s told me I’ll never be with a woman and to never have kids: “I’ll never be a grandma, and you’ll never get with a woman.” What kind of condition is this? I don’t know what to do anymore, and I don’t really have family. She only had me and she’s been like this forever, so I always had to deal with this myself. She’s always made a distinction between her mom and her sisters and me. That was her family and not mine. I never wanted to have kids but now I do when I get my stuff together, just to have a family and spitefully keep my kids away from her