u/DryAppointment9367

My sister (P) really doesn't like me. (See my other post for context) theres a lot of situations where she'll say/do something and I've been reacting in a specific way, appearing unbothered but not staying silent. But am I overreacting it? Should I deal with it differently? See examples below.

● Our younger sister (5) was trying on a new top, and it has these little holes in it. Her mum said how it'll be nice in the hot weather. I replied to her and said yeah its a breathable material. P says all clothes are breathable. I reply and say not all materials are. She tells me to shut up idiot and that she wasnt talking to me. I reply and say you responded to me saying it was breathable. She kept calling me an idiot and telling me to be quiet. I said there's no need to call me an idiot over that. She says yeah but you are. I let her mum take over after that.

● We were having hot drinks and there was one piece of cake left on the plate P asks her mum"can I have it?" . Her mum says if no one else is. I say I am, I haven't had one yet. I'm dipping a biscuit into my cup and was going to have it after. P gets up and reachs for the cake. Her mum reprimands her and tells her that I've said I'm having it. P says she doesn't care. I say its not a big deal, you've had one already. she says "whats the problem with me having two, idiot. I don't care if you want that piece." Her mum tells her off and I stay quiet.

● I was stripping the beds, (my usual chore) I was on her bed and stripping it. She tells me to "get off my bed you idiot." I said I'm just stripping the bed, I always do it, its my 'chore'. She yells for her mum and her mym tells me to leave it and says P can strip it herself. I say ok and start climbing down, as I climb down, P kicks me hard, even though I'm doing what she wanted. I said theres no need to be aggressive, and she kept name calling. I tell her theres no need to keep going on cos your making yourself look silly. She tells me to shut up and I stop replying eventually.

● I was ordering dessert and treating everyone. I'd added everyone elses to the order, I asked P what she wanted and she ignored me. Her mum asked her and P said she doesn't know. Her mum asked her again and she said she doesn't know what's there, I said icecream or milkshake. P said I don't want that, and then said she wanted cookie dough. I said let me check the prices cos I' not spending an extortionate amount on you.. she starts going on that I'm a dramatic idiot. Her mum concluded it by saying to P that she doesnt want me to buy P anything for her manners.

● P wanted the TV remote which was near me. I was leaving the room so as I left I went to pass the remote to her nd said here you go. She looked up and ignored me. Her mum told her that shes being spoken to. P said she didn't hear me, although my hand was stretched out with the remote. P mutters she doesn't want it. I said next time just say you don't need it anymore. She retorts with shut up you flipping idiot. I say there's no need to call someone an idiot over that. And she says: you are an idiot though. I say carry on making yourself look silly and walk off.

● P was writing some homework. She asked her mum how you spell a word, and her mum said she wasn't sure. I (speaking to her mum) spell it out. P mutters under her breath that I'm interupting. Her mum says to her to be quiet and that I'm just helping. P says i don't care shes an idiot and always tells me I'm interupting. I say I wasn't interupting, I was adding to the conversation and responding to your mum and.. you guessed it, she tells me to just shut up you idiot.

● she was struggling to open the garden door. I asked her if she wanted me to do it. She'd been there for a few good minutes. She mutters shut up. I say that's unneccesary. She calls me dumb and tells me to get a life, and that I'm a stupid idiot. I reply and say your the one that needs to get a life as all you do is name call. She swears at me.

Theres many more examples but all of this is recent from this week. But thats how it is on the regular. I used to be more reactive, but trying to balance not being too much without being a walk over. She throws the fact that shes younger as an excuse to be the way she is, and the fact that Im older a reason for why I should just accept and take it all and not be so 'dramatic'

I have a lot of feelings of resentment and bitterness towards a few members of my family. My dad for being around but not being a hands on parent, he's a coach potato parent, but will take himself of on holidays. As the eldest Ive always had these expectations and pressure to be 'mature/sensible/the better one and the example' to the extent that I'd supress a lot of myself because the reaction was not worth it. Hed have me stay up till midnight going over school work until Id get it to his satisfaction, until I got old enough to twist my way out of it. I could never just be a kid who could made mistakes, otherwise there'd be mockery and being made fun of. I ended up for a long time feeling sick even talking in front of or around him, walking on egg shells. To the extent that now I struggle to sing or joke in certain ways where my throat just blocks up and I cant get it out. I guess you could say I was a sensitive child and took a lot to heart and 'deeped it' too much. He'd be a playful person during the toddler stage but as soon as you start to get your own opinions that changed. He doesnt act emotionally intelligent in terms of having an awareness of other peoples emotions and considering the consequences of his behaviour impacting others. My mum would rant to me a lot about him growing up, venting her stress to me, and its very long winded but I'd always have to watch what I say around her, and if she was ever in a mood or got annoyed by someone or something she would let her mood impact everyone, so younger me would be wracking my mind to see what could be done to 'fix' her mood, like cleaning the house or whatever, so I've always been overly intune to peoples moods and notice the slightest of changes. Anyway all of this over time as made me mentally/emotionally distant from them, theres a lack of 'care' from me now and I try not to but it shows in my interactions or body language sometimes towards them. I have a lot younger siblings and they get a completely different treatment from my dad, like hes clocked out from the strict parenting and does nothing, and (if u read my other post about my sister) I have a lot of frustrations because my sister is an ass to me but im always the older one, so its never her turn to learn, or take responsibility, I dont want her to be treated how I did obv but its just frustrating how I got one version of him and she gets it easy as anything. Anyway ramble over, am I focusing too much on the past, and over reacting to it and if I am, tips on how to 'let it go' and stop harboring. I have tried to have conversations with both parents about how I feel just to try and have a 'fresh start' but that didnt go down a success because how dare I hurt their feelings and forget they have a heart, and to them, me saying it makes no difference so whats the point of hurting their feelings. Their words.