It does get easier
During my divorce, I was really active in this thread because I genuinely didn’t understand how I was supposed to get through it. The pain felt unreal. I thought I would never date again, and if I did, I was convinced I’d never feel that kind of connection with anyone else.
I just want to say, two years later, even with all the setbacks and everything in between, it really did get better.
At some point, you start living again. You laugh without forcing it. You stop checking if it still hurts every morning. You actually stop thinking about them and days pass before you realize they didn't cross your mind. And sometimes, you meet someone who shows you just how much you were missing before.
I’m getting remarried. I’m a single mom and he’s a single dad. He is everything I used to beg my ex to be. I don’t have to beg for understanding. I don't have to beg for empathy. I don’t have to beg for love. I don’t have to overexplain my feelings just to be heard. I don’t even have to ask.
When I start apologizing for things that don’t need apologizing for, he stops me and asks what I’m apologizing for. When I’m upset, I never have to ask for support because he’s already there. When something is bothering me and I’m scared to bring it up, he handles it with so much kindness and love that it reminds me why I shouldn’t have been scared in the first place.
There have been moments where I’ve cried because I thought having needs made me manipulative (what my ex used to say when I would bring them up), or that I was somehow too much, and he reminds me I’m just human.
That made me realize how much I actually walked on eggshells in my marriage, even when I didn’t fully see it then. I thought I loved my ex more than anything. I thought I would never get over him. I thought no one would ever treat me better.
I was wrong.
It can get better. You can heal. You can feel safe again. It takes time and even in a healthy relationship, it can take a while to stop expecting the hurt you got used to. But the right person won’t punish you for healing slowly. They’ll help you feel safe enough to do it. They'll be right beside you every step of the way. ❤️
I just wanted to put that out there for anyone in the middle of it right now. The part that feels impossible does not last forever. And one day I hope love might stop feeling scary too.
Little update:
I wanted to add this both for the people being negative and for the people looking for hope, because I think it gives perspective on why I’m marrying him. I have full faith in this relationship. I constantly tell him he’s such a good man because he genuinely is.
This is the man who reminds me every single day how much he loves me and how grateful he is for me, and I feel the same way about him. He supports me in everything I do, even if it’s just some dinky little doodle I wanted to show him. He’ll literally make custom coloring sheets with things I like without me even asking, turn it into a little date night, and we’ll sit there coloring together and showing each other our pages. He makes songs about me just because he wants to. I write poetry about him and show him too.
He is an incredible father and partner. Watching how patient, gentle, and loving he is with the kids means everything to me. The way he accepted my daughter from the very beginning and calls her his own absolutely melts me. He always says she was clearly meant to be his daughter, especially because they have so many of the same little mannerisms. She adores him.
And honestly, having someone love your child as their own is one of the most important things in the world. She’s highly emotional sometimes, and she is never “too much” for him. That mattered more to me than I can explain because it was too much for my ex. But with him it never is. He’s always saying “that’s my girl” to her and cheering her on over even the smallest things. I love his son the exact same way.
He’s just so good to us. Such a family man. Emotionally available, patient, steady, loving. If he could carry every burden for me himself, he would. But at the same time he respects me enough to let me handle things on my own when I want to. He never makes decisions for me, never shames me for my feelings or choices, and never makes me feel hard to love. He is my peace. He is my home ❤️ Partners like this really do exist.