u/Dry_Needleworker_950

***Disclaimer I am not interested in breaking up just need some insight***

What does it mean when my boyfriend says if I was single, I would go. We’ve been having a lot of conflict with him, making decision decisions on things that he feels obligated to go to. This always involves his friends or his family. He asks me for input on whether he should go to an event or hang out with his friends or family. I’m realizing that this is really just him feeling like he should go and wanting me to be excited about it to push him to go, which I find unfair.

Even if I am excited about it and I tell him he really should if he himself decides not to go later down the road he blames me and says well I was thinking of you and I didn’t want you to be alone, etc. when I literally tell him go hang out with your friends go hang out with your family or let’s go whatever

He said the phrase “ if I was single, I’d go” several times . In the situation, I perceived this as a he doesn’t really wanna go, but if he didn’t have to consider me then he would just go. So my question is why not just go? It seems to me like he’s conflicted with doing things and hanging out with people and me. Which we have only been dating a year and a half so I completely understand and we do live together. But to me, that’s just the nature of being in a relationship with someone you do have someone to consider all the time . And I asked him do you even want to be in a relationship and he tells me yes he does. He loves me. He can’t imagine his life without me etc. all these things but then when he’s conflicted with making decisions, it feels like he’s blaming being in a relationship with me for the reason that he can’t decide for himself if he wants to do stuff.
TLDR Anyway what does this all mean how do I navigate this. Should I just not offer my true input on things and just say something like “I trust you to make the right decision and I’ll support whatever you decide?”

Disclaimer* I’m not interested in breaking up with him I don’t think this is a breakup worthy situation. Just want some advice thanks* also we have been dating a year and a half

My boyfriend asks me for input on doing things like hanging out with his friends or doing something with his parents and if I meet him with any other emotion except absolute excitement for the situation, he gets upset. For example, his mom asked us to go to an event with them and I looked at her and said absolutely that sounds so fun. Fast-forward a week later, and he asks me “ so do you wanna go to this thing with my mom? It sounds kind of lame. What do you think?” now my confusion was I thought. I already decided that I was down to go. Why are you asking me again so I gave him the pros and cons of the situation and I said well maybe we shouldn’t go if you’re not really down for it he then got upset with me and said he feels like he can’t talk to me about anything. He did this same thing to me when his buddy asked him to hang out and I said go it sounds fun and it’s his best friend . He told me he had a headache and didn’t wanna go because he had to work in the morning and I said OK. But then the next argument we had about him doing something. He said I canceled on my friend because I was thinking about you and I said no you didn’t you told me that you didn’t wanna go and he said well two things can be true. That further confused me.
For me personally when I’m in that same exact situation I’m looking for an out if I ask someone for advice on something I don’t really wanna do but feel like I have to. Almost like making me feel good about my decision to not go.
I’m noticing with him it’s the opposite. I feel like he’s looking for me to be the excitement and the reason that he goes, but I find this very unfair because these are all situations that involve his friends and his family. When it comes to my family, I make decision decisions easily. If my parents asked me to do something and I wanna go or feel obligated to go then I just tell him hey this is what we are doing and I give him the option to not go because this is my personal obligation.
I’m just tired of feeling fake like I can’t actually tell him the pros and cons of situations because if I do then he gets upset and I’m also tired of being the bad guy because I can’t make decisions for him when it comes to his family or his friends.
TLDR How can I be more supportive of him making his own decisions? I don’t think it’s fair to me to have to be elated to do something that is his personal obligation. I think that telling him you make the decision should be good enough. I guess I just don’t know how to convey that message in a kind way.

My bf is a very regimented, non whimsical, not very emotional or sappy kind of guy. He’s very good at optimizing his life . He runs very much like a well oiled machine and he’s so good at it . He does inspire me to be my best self, always strive to be getting better at everything I do and a lot of the times I appreciate this because I am his polar opposite. I am very emotional. I’m very whimsical. I seek fun in life before I seek optimization. I do things just because they’re enjoyable and if they’re not enjoyable anymore, I stop doing them. Even though I appreciate a plan I also love spontaneity and switching up routine.

The problem that I’m running into is the fact that I feel like our lives are becoming so monotonous, which he will agree with me if I ask him. We both work full-time jobs and only have Sunday off together so we have to squeeze family time. , individual hobbies, and time together, basically all in one day. He’s also very frugal which again I do appreciate and I’m not irresponsible with money however, it gets frustrating when I suggest something and he says “I don’t want to spend money on that” says he wants to take a trip or save for something but the reality is we don’t really have the money to be going on a big trip so in my head I feel like we can add to our lives in small ways, like trying a new restaurant or activity in town but he sees that as a frivolous expense and just doesn’t wanna do it. He’s also never interested in doing anything during the week because he “has to work the next day” or he’s tired . Which I get but then that literally leaves only one day to pack in everting .

I understand wanting to save and plan for the future but at the same time I’m feeling like our lives are just becoming so dull and it’s really eating into our relationship. I’m not happy and I can tell that he’s not happy either. Just because all we do is dictated by work and routine.

How can I bring sparkle back to my life while also respecting my relationship and putting our needs as a couple first