u/DuchessOfEyerolls

I’ve noticed something in a lot of my conversations with Indian men. They can be perfectly nice, respectful and interested, but I often feel like I’m the one leading the conversation.

I ask questions, tease, pick up on something they’ve said, give them an opening to flirt to keep the conversation going… and quite often I get an answer back, but nothing that moves the conversation forward.

Sometimes I get an unsolicited, random life update or no response to basic courteous questions like how are you.

And by game, I don’t mean cheesy pickup lines or being an alpha male. I mean curiosity, playfulness, reading the other person’s energy, asking something back and creating a little romantic banter.

I get that our culture lays a huge importance on academics and career and most guys arent taught how to be around women or ask pertinent questions because we dont have a dominant, dating culture that teaches people how to date - which could be attributed to why they behave they way they do.

Women, do you experience this too? And men, what does flirting or showing interest look like to you?

I’ve been on Shaadi for a few weeks now, and I swear every third profile contains some variation of:
“I live life to the fullest.”
“I believe in simple living, high thinking.”
“I’m modern but have immense respect for traditions.”
“Modern yet traditional”
“Looking for someone who will love me for what I am”
“Looking for someone who’ll support me through all phases of life.”
“I went to x school, x university, have degrees” (aka linkedin profile snippet)

Have I missed any? 🫠

Genuine question for the men here…Why do so many profiles sound the same?
As someone reading them, these lines don’t tell me what dating you would actually feel like.

Tell me how you spend your weekends
Tell me you’re obsessed with bikes.
Tell me you host game nights.
Tell me you wake up at 5am to go trekking.
Tell me you have pets that run your house.
Anything that actually tells me something about you.

The conversations often feel the same too:
Hi.
How are you?
What do you do?
Did you eat?

Meanwhile there’s an entire profile of hers that is full of potential conversation starters.

So I’m genuinely curious. Is it because you don’t know what to write? Do you worry about sounding arrogant? Do you think women actually prefer generic profiles?

Or is it simply that most people copy what everyone else is doing?

I’m not trying to criticise anyone. I’m genuinely interested in understanding why so many profiles and first conversations feel almost identical.

TLDR: Why do so many Shaadi profiles and first messages sound like they were written from the same template?