Narcissistic Mother has cancer & My Brother is her golden child.
My whole life I was always with someone as a young child. Always at my grandmoms, sent to my aunts, friend's house, staying at all of them a month or so at a time . Oh and yes on the weekends my dad had visitation. Almost all all of them were toxic in their own way.
My grandmoms house I was at the most. I loved being with my grandma. Only thing is my uncle and his wife lived upstairs.
I don't know if any of yall are familiar with Philly but in the early to mid 80's in west Philly crack came around and hit our nice little Italian neighborhood like a sledge hammer. Long story short I know my Grandmom's address by heart because of how many times I had to call 911. I always knew when something was wrong and going to happen when they were upstairs. Our our little dog would come down the steps and lay at the bottom of the steps almost as a warning. I've seen my uncle walk around with a gun to his head and many other crazy things that has a little girl no older than 7 should experience. Then at my aunts she would have me go back and forth down into the basement where the tiny fridge was to get her a beer. Then when she was completely drunk she would grab me real tight and rock back and forth saying " oh my little Yaya don't ever do drugs don't ever do drugs" . And then right before she was about to pass out she would get real nasty and tell me that " I'm a piece of s*** and I'm Generation X" etc etc all because her daughter had an addiction to drugs at the time. All these things my mother would know about because I would tell her but she didn't care. The one time she came to pick me up my aunt was really drunk and she just came out of nowhere and smacked me across the face really hard. I expected my mom to have a reaction but she did nothing.
All this time my brother was with my mom. I never really was able to have a stable spot. When I was around 11/12 is when my mother TURNED ON ME.
She would have these massive freak outs and when she was done she would take me shopping. My aunt would do the same. I was chubby then and I remember she gave me a diet pill and I pooped blood. So I went to the hospital but lied about taking the pills.
Then when she realized she could call 911 and put on a grand acting show for the police and they would take me away. She would do it alot. Back then it was different than it is now. I would get admitted into mental hospitals for adolescents. Belmont 3 times, Horsham Clinic 3 times Friends once and then I was admitted into..
This was the final placement she ever did to me and it was 6 months living at Presbyterian Children’s Village. I even had my 16th birthday there that she never visited me for. I'm grwmy dad remembered. I got roses & the coolest gift ever. He remembered that I wanted the album, The Distance to Here by LIVE. The song Dolphins Cry just touched my teenager heart.
LONG STORY KINDA SHORT
I went back home and she would physically attack me and then kick me out. So at 17 I was living with my best friend who was in her early 30s. I had a disability check that my dad managed to get for me. So by the time I turned 18 I had my own place. For the 10yrs I was there my mother would call my landlord at HER WORK and tell her all this crazy shit she thought I was doing.
MEANWHILE my brother got his first car and we are in out early 40s and her son can tell her any lie and she will believe it. They always have secret things between them that I don't get told. He has connections to her bank accounts, health charts and I'm positive he's going to get the house when she's gone.
HE LIVES WITH HER RIGHT NOW. BECAUSE when he got clean off of drugs his friend gave him a great job, he had a new truck within ao month and acts better than every one now. Forgetting where he came from and who was there. I asked to work for him he said he didn't have anything but HIS FIANCE that also lives with my mom is working for him. Neither pay rent.
I can't understand who I'm always on the outside trying to get in with my own family. He was nicer and normal when he was getting high.
Now my mom has Pancreatic cancer. I spent a couple nights with her in the hospital until she went home. I went to the first visit and said PLEASE LET ME KNOW ABOUT ALL THE VISITS. DONT KEEP ME ON THE OUTSIDE.
I WENT Home and they never told me about anything that was going on since then.
He's even moving far away so I asked her if me and my husband can live down there for awhile. I can help her with cleaning, cooking, shopping. SHE SAID WE'LL SEE.
IT'S HARD TO NOT LET IT HURT. Every time I know what the ending or reaction is going to be but it's still hurts me deep inside even after all these years. I'm at a loss it really makes me feel like crap like why am I never good enough for her or him why is he treated so special and I'm always the underdog