u/Due-Beginning6183

My son has ADHD and he refuses to brush his teeth. We have tried EVERYTHING including telling him how bad it can get. He’s almost 12. So I recently noticed a hole in a back permanent molar, took him to the dentist and he has a deep cavity. Unfortunately we have to see an endodontist and they’re booking in July. Last night he came out of his room hysterically crying saying his whole jaw was hurting so bad he couldn’t take it. I’m giving him Tylenol and Advil alternately but he’s in a lot of pain. I sat down to talking to my partner about options. He said he didn’t see how this was a big deal, he did this to himself and has to suffer the consequences. He won’t even look in his mouth to help me decide if there’s any swelling. Am I crazy or is letting a kid sit for a month with horrible tooth pain just cruel regardless of it being his fault.??!

My partner (49m and I’m a 39f) works a full time job on night shift- 12 hours alternating 3 days one week and 4 the next. He commutes an hour 1 way. He comes home, helps get the kids to school, games and then sleeps. When he’s off shift he will sleep until 7,8,9pm sometimes. Some days he does get up and do other things but it’s like 50/50. Lately especially he’s been going to bed at normal time (10pm ish), sleeping in and then still napping. Otherwise he’s gaming. He is responsible for outside work for the house along with the trash and bath time for the kids.

I work from home. When i was pregnant with our now 6 year old we decided id stay home and work on the side and when she started school i started working more heavily from home. No I don’t work as many hours as my partner and no, I don’t make nearly as much money. I do, however, handle managing the household, and that includes all the financial aspects and bills taxes all the doctor’s appointments, including my partners. I handle the school pick ups and sick days and summer so I’m with the kids way more. I do all the laundry (i think my partner has done 2 loads in 5 years), dishes 100% (he has never done dishes) and we do not have a dishwasher, cleaning bathrooms, sweeping/mopping/vacuuming, changing sheets, putting away clothes, dusting, litter boxes, all the deep cleaning, most of the shuffling to doctors appointments and any urgent care visits (he gets super pissy if i ask him to take a kid to urgent care). I cook a couple nights a week and i clean it up myself. When he’s home he barely helps at all. There’s a tremendous amount of yard work that needs doing and he’s barely even touched it. He is always trying to just sleep. It’s infuriating. If I ask him to do things, they either don’t get done for days or weeks or he gets irritated with me about it. He is super short with me and our kids if he gets woken up while he’s sleeping and often times just wakes up pissy.

I have a couple chronic health issues and that sometimes means I sleep at odd hours but whenever I’m awake I am hustling. The only thing I do for myself is read and it’s been all audiobooks lately as I have no time to sit and read. I do not even get more than 5 hours of sleep or so most nights and he tells me when I nap I’m such a hypocrite and I cannot make him understand it’s not the same thing when I’m up until 6am working because I can’t sleep and then need a nap later in the day.

Anyway I just feel overwhelmed and unsupported. Just this evening he was flipping out about how the trash was overfilled and he was sick and tired of it and he wasn’t taking it out because we were ridiculous for piling it up. I said well it was already full so I tossed some paper in it from when I was at my desk working and didn’t think it was that big of a deal. So then I asked him to hold our dog so I could give her her meds and he said “shouldn’t be too hard for you to do it on your own since you don’t think it’s a big deal to make extra work for me.” I’m just over it. I’m over the attitude and then lack of help around here and I’m not sure if it me or him that’s the issue.