u/Due_Many1777

I feel disgusted by this habit. I'm nothing but filth. I do it until I bleed, until I feel intense pain and disgust. The urge is incredibly strong. It hurts so much, like a knife is being stabbed into my head when the urge comes. I pull out my hair, I hit my head to stop myself, but I always give in. I do the same disgusting thing over and over again.

I'm so ashamed of my hair. When someone wants to look at my hair, I'm so embarrassed that I don't want anyone to talk about it. It's a method I developed when I started high school. Since then, I've still suffered from intense social anxiety and stress. At first, it felt good, but it got worse and I couldn't stop it. I hate seeing the disgusting dandruff all over my body. I've been bullied many times because of this habit. It completely destroyed my already terrible self-esteem.

I still can't stop it. When the urge comes, I sometimes do it non-stop for 2-3 hours. I don't know how this happens. My scalp is full of sores and scabs. I can't get rid of the headaches. I constantly, constantly have headaches. I feel such shame and disgust while writing these lines that I have considered deleting them several times.

I'd been trying not to hurt myself for a week. Today I had to give a second presentation because he didn't like the first one. I already have severe social anxiety, so even giving two presentations was a huge deal for me. Then, because I'm such a awkward idiot, he didn't like this one either, and everyone made fun of me, even my teacher. I was so upset because of such a stupid incident. When I got home, all I wanted to do was cut myself, and I finished a very short series. It's important to me because for the past week I'd been making at least 4 or 5 cuts every day, and I just wanted to stop. I knew I'd get caught when summer came, so I wanted to stop. But I couldn't.