Consistency and initiation issues
22M. hello everyone, trying to get some advice or directions on how to be.
i've been depressed for as long as i remember myself, and just recently anxiety came into play as well, im undiagnosed and maybe i have more stuff going on. at the moment i'm in a long term relationship with a beautiful girl that i truly love and committed to change for. she has bpd, anxiety, depression and ptsd just for info.
the relationship is past the point of joyful and whimsy phase and more of a two adults living together and have stuff to achieve, move forwards in life. she is trying her best, works on her mental health, is looking for a job, trying to get her stuff together.
but there's a problem with me, she gets upset a lot due to me not initiating intimacy with her(most time it's her making effort to have sex), although i think she's hot. it has been an issue since the beginning of us but it stayed pretty much unchanged, even though it's always in my head, but instead of action it turns to beating myself up and getting anxious;
other thing is being more responsible for my own hygiene, and she feels the need to always remind me of it which is burdening her, same goes for things like tidying up the room and helping around the house.
now don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to make her life miserable and i ACTUALLY want to start doing all these things she expects, i just dont understand what's wrong with me. it's like no matter what and how i start i always end up pretty much at the same place. even though i do have minimum energy for life, the root of the problem is deeper than just lack of motivation/energy/will etc.
i know i need to try therapy or meds or combination of both. i'm writing it out of desparity but i feel like i need to hear someone from the outside validate me and tell me im not a loser and maybe tell me what helped them on their journey. thank you so much in advance