u/DullUnderstanding135

Hello all, I think it is unfortunately past time that my parents need to be moved into a nursing home. My parents are 68/F and 72/M with many chronic conditions, both having diabetes, hypertension, and depression. My parents had 3 children, my brother and sister who were born in the 1980s, then me late in life in the 2001. My sister sadly passed away in her 20s and then my brother recently passed away a couple years ago. Since my brothers passing my parents health has been on an even sharper decline than before.

My mother's mobility has declined to where she can only walk short distances with a walker a few times a day and she has incontinence problems as well (she has had multiple back surgeries and needs another one atm). Then my father has just had his third stroke in the last 4 years last month, which has definitely left him with more deficits than his previous strokes. He is weaker in general to where he can barely walk by himself and he unable to speak clear words most of the time. He spent almost a month in a pretty aggressive rehab which seemed to help but was released this past week to come back to my parents apartment with home health and a hospital bed. I told case management at the rehab that I knew he would be happier at home but I didn't think it would be realistic for him to go home because overnight my mom couldn't manage his care safely. Well my mom wanted him to come home and now here we are.

Last night my dad's hospital bed deflated around 1 in the morning so my husband and I went to their apartment to fix it. We found my dad's foley bag hanging above the level of his bladder so it was not draining, which I have explained to my mom numerous times that it has to stay lower than his bladder or it will not drain. My mom had also had soiled her chair and had not changed it for who knows how long. Then after we had gotten them both taken care of my mom just casually says that she will call me if my dad has an accident that needs to be cleaned in a few hours. I explained to her that this is why I didn't think he should come home once again and that if she couldn't keep him clean overnight that we have to get him or both of them in a facility. I told her multiple times prior to him getting out that she would have to be able to make sure he stays clean overnight which she never truly responded to but still wanted him to go home. After I explained that again last night she broke down and started crying, which I know she feels overwhelmed and It hurts me to see her like that but this has pretty much been the constant cycle of this year. I have tried convincing them to go into a facility prior but I think she is finally starting to realize this is past the breaking point.

I love my parents and I know that they struggle so much with the loss of my siblings but this is not a healthy situation. It is such a mix of emotions because my heart hurts to see them like this but I have also begged and pushed them to take their health more seriously. My husband and I both work overnight shifts and unfortunately cannot be there for them at the drop of a hat. I feel like the last few years just has been a constant state of anxiety with us both getting calls and texts throughout the day/night for what they need. I feel that my mom always expects me to fix every problem when at the same time I'm still trying to figure out my life. My mother is also a big time emotional manipulator and both of them have made terrible financial decisions that I have had to lose money over to somewhat correct. They both have home health but it is just not enough.

My father is a veteran and there is a veterans home an hour away so I am hoping maybe I can get them in there somehow because it seems like they would be taken care of better there than most of the nursing homes where we live but I just don't really even know where to start. My husband and I don’t make enough to pay for a facility. My parents have no assets to sell and since my siblings are gone there is no other family to help. I just feel so overwhelmed and naive. I'm sorry if my post is all over the place, I feel that I can't even think straight my nerves are just so fried. If anyone has any helpful advice or has a resources to recommend I would be grateful. Both of my parents have medicaid and medicare.

Hello all, I think it is unfortunately past time that my parents need to be moved into a nursing home. My parents are 68/F and 72/M with many chronic conditions, both having diabetes, hypertension, and depression. My parents had 3 children, my brother and sister who were born in the 1980s, then me late in life in the 2001. My sister sadly passed away in her 20s and then my brother recently passed away a couple years ago. Since my brothers passing my parents health has been on an even sharper decline than before.

My mother's mobility has declined to where she can only walk short distances with a walker a few times a day and she has incontinence problems as well (she has had multiple back surgeries and needs another one atm). Then my father has just had his third stroke in the last 4 years last month, which has definitely left him with more deficits than his previous strokes. He is weaker in general to where he can barely walk by himself and he unable to speak clear words most of the time. He spent almost a month in a pretty aggressive rehab which seemed to help but was released this past week to come back to my parents apartment with home health and a hospital bed. I told case management at the rehab that I knew he would be happier at home but I didn't think it would be realistic for him to go home because overnight my mom couldn't manage his care safely. Well my mom wanted him to come home and now here we are.

Last night my dad's hospital bed deflated around 1 in the morning so my husband and I went to their apartment to fix it. We found my dad's foley bag hanging above the level of his bladder so it was not draining, which I have explained to my mom numerous times that it has to stay lower than his bladder or it will not drain. My mom had also had soiled her chair and had not changed it for who knows how long. Then after we had gotten them both taken care of my mom just casually says that she will call me if my dad has an accident that needs to be cleaned in a few hours. I explained to her that this is why I didn't think he should come home once again and that if she couldn't keep him clean overnight that we have to get him or both of them in a facility. I told her multiple times prior to him getting out that she would have to be able to make sure he stays clean overnight which she never truly responded to but still wanted him to go home. After I explained that again last night she broke down and started crying, which I know she feels overwhelmed and It hurts me to see her like that but this has pretty much been the constant cycle of this year. I have tried convincing them to go into a facility prior but I think she is finally starting to realize this is past the breaking point.

I love my parents and I know that they struggle so much with the loss of my siblings but this is not a healthy situation. It is such a mix of emotions because my heart hurts to see them like this but I have also begged and pushed them to take their health more seriously. My husband and I both work overnight shifts and unfortunately cannot be there for them at the drop of a hat. I feel like the last few years just has been a constant state of anxiety with us both getting calls and texts throughout the day/night for what they need. I feel that my mom always expects me to fix every problem when at the same time I'm still trying to figure out my life. My mother is also a big time emotional manipulator and both of them have made terrible financial decisions that I have had to lose money over to somewhat correct. They both have home health but it is just not enough.

My father is a veteran and there is a veterans home an hour away so I am hoping maybe I can get them in there somehow because it seems like they would be taken care of better there than most of the nursing homes where we live but I just don't really even know where to start. My husband and I don’t make enough to pay for a facility. My parents have no assets to sell and since my siblings are gone there is no other family to help. I just feel so overwhelmed and naive. I'm sorry if my post is all over the place, I feel that I can't even think straight my nerves are just so fried. If anyone has any helpful advice or has a resources to recommend I would be grateful. Both of my parents have medicaid and medicare.

My husband and I have been planning a trip to go a little vacation about 12 hours away for 6 days and also visit my niece, who's father (my brother) passed away about a year ago now. Well both of my parents have multiple chronic health issues that they haven't cared for properly and now they are to the point where are pretty reliant on me, my husband, and their caregivers that come in throughout the week. After the passing of my brother my father got even worse about taking his meds, drinking water (he wants to drink nothing but caffinated sugary drinks and he is diabetic and has hypertension) and wants to just sit and watch tv all day or sleep. They have both always been bad about properly caring for their conditions especially my dad. He has been in and out of the hospital for falls because he just keeps getting weaker and refusing to use his walker consistently. We have been able to convince him to go to rehab a few times but he refuses anything longer than a week or two. My mother constantly complains about having to push him to drink water and take his meds because he is very stubborn and does not like to be told what to do, which sometimes he even yells at her about it. Well needless to say he is back in the hospital for a UTI after being in rehab last week and now it is almost time for our trip. My mother keeps telling me that she is dreading us going and that she doesnt know what she will do while we are gone, even though I have made sure she will have a caregiver over everyday that we are gone and they will even take her to see my father. She constantly tries to guilt trip me into spending the night with her saying that she is lonely whenever my father is in the hospital even if its just for one night. She can't stand being without him at home but she also constantly complains when he is home. This is the first trip we have taken out of state in 5 years and I would really like to go but im torn because I feel guilty about leaving them but I also just feel so burnt out between taking care of all their problems and working at the hospital. Am I a terrible daughter for wanting to still go?