u/DustInTheWind204

22m today is my birthday! I wasn't actually supposed to be home this month. I was supposed to be tree planting till the end of next month but, I bailed on my job because my struggle with managing my mental health (What a stupid impulsive decision in hindsight). No one really knows how bad it can get. I've battled with suicidal thoughts for a decade or so now. Self harmed, self sabotage and so on. The thing is idk how to get a grip if im being honest. Mental health care resources are very stretched where I live and therapy takes forever if you get a response at all. Everyone around ne is stuck in a cycle of consumerism, drug and technology addiction. Despite having people around me I dont feel as though I can really be open with anyone in my life. Idk what is wrong with me and why I live like I do and treat myself as I do. But at least I can say that I try to be kind to others. However most days I still struggle to find a reason to care and especially lately I have felt myself slipping further down. If you made it this far just know im not in crisis or looking for advice. Just need to get it out ig.