u/DylTorres1997

Posting this for a friend who doesn’t have Reddit, as I’m really curious to get outside perspectives on his situation.

My friend (40M) and his fiancée (34F) have actually been together for about eight years; engaged for two of them and share four children. Two are his older kids from a previous relationship (whom he has full-time), and two are very young children they share together. They've been a solid, comfortable couple for a long time, and there was never any outside pressure on them to rush into marriage because they both already knew they loved each other deeply.

Recently, his fiancée casually asked him if he wanted to just get married next week over text message. He joked back and replied "yeah," not thinking much of it.

Shortly after, he received a text from a family member saying, "Thanks for letting me know before I heard it from your fiancée." Confused, he asked what they meant. It turns out his fiancée had already sent out mass texts announcing they were getting married next week—without actually consulting him or checking anyone’s availability. Her logic was that "whoever can make it will come," but all of her own immediate family was already set to attend.

Because of the short notice, my friend’s lifelong best friend (who is like a brother to him) couldn't make it due to a prior commitment; they are actually out of state completely for that weekend. When my friend told his fiancée they couldn't do it next week because of this, she completely flipped out. She explained that she rushed into it because she found out her sister and a close friend were flying into town, and her aunt is in poor health, so she wanted to wed before anything happened.

My friend admitted he got tunnel vision, focusing heavily on the fact that his brother-figure wouldn't be there. A massive fight ensued, and she accused him of simply not wanting to marry her.

However, the bigger underlying issue here is financial. They are already struggling with things as it is, and my friend explained to me that due to their specific situation, legally getting married right now would cost him about $1,500 a month—mostly due to losing insurance coverage or seeing insurance costs skyrocket. That loss would absolutely devastate them right now. When he explained this reality to her during the argument, her response was just, "Oh, I didn't think of that."
He genuinely wants to marry her, but he wants to ensure their finances are properly set up first, and right now is just not the right time. On top of that, his own family is now incredibly upset and blindsided that a wedding was sprung on him without his knowledge.

How should he handle this? Is he wrong for wanting to put on the brakes?

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Hi folks!

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They are looking at either the 2022 body style or the current 2023 body style (non hybrid).

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Thanks!

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