My Friend has demoted me to “guy he lives with status”
TLDR: long post but all details are relevant. My best friend I live beside has abondoned me for a group he barely knows and pretends that I’m just another guy he lives with
So I 22m and my friend 28m have been friends for the past 3 years or so our friendship developed naturally getting to the point we spent almost everyday together, smoking weed, watching movies, playing games, drinking together. He had long emotional chats at me about the stories in his life even saying on multiple occasions I was his best friend we met at work and eventually I moved into the same flat as him after a year or so with another friend who moved from England. Everything was great a golden era I’d say. After a while he got a girlfriend I was friends with both of them his other friend moved back to England for a job and I got my friend a job at my place after HIS extended stint of unemployment after about 3 months he left couldn’t handle the pressure of being a chef (understandable) well he is now getting evicted
In the past 5-6 months he has decided to spend a lot more time with his girlfriend which is fair enough still friends but recently he has completely drifted… a group from his previous job he was fired at have started coming over to our apartment I am of course not invited probably because I don’t have a girlfriend and they all do but here is something interesting
I was in my room drinking alone one night because I was bored and had time off and his girlfriend knocked on my door saying they were going to a pub. She and I will emphasize she invited me the other friend was standing with his girlfriend at my door (he was actually a really nice guy M21 I had no issue with him we weren’t compatible as friends really but got on and could laugh with each other I had never spoken to his girlfriend though) but my friend was standing in his doorway out of view from me. I declined the invitation only for her to progressively keep asking I eventually said what the hell, asked the other guy friend if he was cool with it which he was and then my friend finally appeared looking slightly put off by this result as we got ready to leave he seemed to perk up a little.
We walk to the bar which is about an hour away the group is already pretty drunk apart from my friend everything is going fine we finally get there and order drinks we chat about how he is moving to America with his girl and his girlfriend says I should definitely come to visit in ny something I had said to my friend a while ago about. He had that look of jealousy and contempt in his eyes as his girlfriend asked me. I laughed and said maybe if I can afford it trying to destabilise the conversation to my chagrin my friend emphasized the joking point I had made. eventually me and my main friend decide to go for a cigarette, outside I tell him about the new girl I’m dating which he try’s to give me advice on, I didn’t ask or need any I was merely just informing him I was dating. He then proceeds to tell me how they weren’t planning on going for a drink and he wished his girlfriend hadn’t asked me as they were just planning on walking the other guy and his girl home. Okay…could have said that before we had left and I would have stayed at home. He also kept pressing about how sorry he was his girlfriend had invited me out which was strange I didn’t see anything wrong with it I thought we were just going out for a drink I then asked him about me visiting he got slightly defensive saying how it’s okay for the guy friend he was with to visit because he has money and can afford it and then saying it wasn’t a holiday and he had to get settled first. There was no “oh you can come visit when we are settled” nothing. This slightly pissed me off his friend inside was a guy who maybe came once a month at most to smoke weed with him someone he had worked with for a short stint that was part of the group of friends he had just started being besties with. I felt betrayed.
Back inside the conversation shifted we all spoke to each other. The other guys girlfriend then asked my friend about how he makes amazing burgers he frequently kept looking at me knowing about my position as a chef. He then started breaking down a pretty simple kinda goofy recipe something he had never done at home would definitely work and taste good but I only heard about half of it as his girlfriend and the other guy were talking to me he then brought up in conversation how I cook mine. Backstory (my friend sees me as someone who he needs to compete with when it comes to cooking every Christmas or event he wants to be the cook it’s his way or no way no questions. Fair enough there’s a lot of people like it I’m personally happy to drink and take a backseater when he acts like this as any suggestions I make are normally superseded by how he wants it done so I don’t bother. At Christmas I made an effort of making a dessert which everyone ate apart from him claiming he was too stuffed after making enough food for about 20 people that only about a quarter got consumed. We had waited after eating as well but fair enough. I then let everyone use my blowtorch to crème brûlée their own dessert mostly as I felt it was festive and fun and a great way to include people on the food side he didn’t look to enthusiastic, his girlfriend and another guys girlfriend posted a video of me doing the first dessert captioning it chef etc the other guy didn’t care and I was close friends with him but yeah cooking is clearly something he holds dearly and doesn’t like it when I either don’t listen to his advice or tricks* mostly because I already know them or don’t care I normally just say aw that’s cool or how I like doing it my way, he has asked me for advice before on how to cook and I’ve explained as a friend never as a teacher especially when we are at home. He is the opposite, again it’s literally my job that I have been doing since I was 14 I’m not perfect but I know a lot and have worked in some pretty swanky places but I’ll continue) he is telling the girl about how I make my burgers I like mine extremely simple halloumi lettuce and mayo with some good quality beef. It’s a burger. I don’t know why he did this but it was very strange I in no way need the affirmation he seems to need when it comes to cooking but alas we go home.
I stop speaking to him as much, don’t really make an effort to be as fun and silly as I was only base level conversation with some jokes after a few days of not speaking he says about having his going away BBQ cool I thought he even asked what are WE cooking which made the cooking thing extremely clear to me that it was actually something he was funny about, I just said I’d do kebabs again which he was fine with only for him to then say I should do chicken (I don’t do chicken for kebabs purely because a domestic barbecue we would buy wouldn’t reach a high enough temperature to cook the chicken thoroughly while getting a good sear which WE discovered the past times we had done it when the chicken ones he done came out half seared and pink, I use beef as it can be served med-rare) again going back to the his way. Next up was the issue of the fire I and only I was asked to go to the woods and collect firewood for him and this group of friends. I didn’t mind at first until the day of in which he came to me first thing saying “we need firewood so yeah can you get some” the event didn’t happen due to rain so moved ahead a few weeks. I will most definitely not be getting firewood or attending after reflecting more on this behaviour but I’ll wrap up with some important details that don’t fit in here
First and most important is his emphasis and definitive idea that he will never see me again and this is the last time. It’s exhausting and feels like cringey Disney movie stuff
Secondly I know people are going to think this but no. I do not like or speak to his girlfriend with any degree of attraction she is referred to as mate or bro or her name and I only spent time with the two of them If we were chilling together or going to a bar or cinema which has also stopped in the past few months
Thirdly this other group of friends only come to the apartment to smoke weed with my friend I have tried to be nice and friendly with them only to get this weird “we have an issue and don’t want to be friends with you attitude” I avoid them entirely apart from the one guy who’s okay
Finally. I am writing this because I am upset I don’t know how to feel, I bought this man an Xbox at Christmas which he is currently using to entertain other friends while pretending like I’m just a guy he lives with. I can’t wait for him to move out but need advice on how to go about him leaving he is still showing face sometimes so this isn’t like a fall out but I don’t see a point in confronting him I really just want clarity… I don’t have any other friends and losing the only one I have had in years just makes me want regress and keep to myself from here on out please help me